


Colder Than Blue

by Skaire



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Altean Lance (Voltron), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Dark, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bilingual Lance (Voltron), Character Development, Dark Lance (Voltron), Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Galra Keith (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Guilt, How Do I Tag, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, MAJOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, Misplaced Humor, POV Lance (Voltron), Slow Burn, War, after watching season 8- this is officially a fix-it fic, allura isnt perfect, but i promise it'll get better, garrison is the equivalent to an ivy league school basically, he didn't get accepted in to the garrison for no reason, hunk is a great friend, i'll add more important ones later, i'm running out of tag ideas, im sorry for torturing lance so much, keith will get his magical space wolf in other means that don't require a 2 year time skip, lance is actually pretty smart, thanks for coming to my ted talk, this story is gonna be a trip, wow the tags are a better summary than the summary i wrote for this story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2019-08-14 08:28:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 61,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16489160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skaire/pseuds/Skaire
Summary: Lance struggles with himself, his relationships with the other paladins, and a problem he was beginning to drive himself crazy over.Freezing your room in your sleep was the exact opposite of fun, and what came with it was much worse than he expected.Especially when your lineage was meant to be wiped out by Zarkon.Long term multi-chapter story.





	1. Frozen

Every day now he had to deal with whatever was going on with him.

It was the only thing that seemed to belong to him. Everyone else had their own thing. Pidge and Hunk were both geniuses, Keith was half alien and an amazing fighter, Shiro was a cyborg space veteran and another trained fighter.

Besides being the laughing stock never taken seriously by the other paladins, Lance was nothing. Any suggestions he had were always shut down before he could finish. Insults were always shot at him. Even Allura and Shiro did that to him, the people meant to be leading the team. He thought that eventually they'd put a stop to it, but they never did. The only thing he was good for was piloting the blue lion- and even that could be done better by another pilot.

Trying to lighten the dark atmosphere and cheer people up with his attempts at comedy backfired. He went from making the jokes to becoming the joke. Apparently they forgot that he, too, had feelings and could be affected by the insults constantly hurled at him. He knew they were still his friends, and they would always care for eachother, but they weren't very good ones.

That's why he never told any of them about what he had discovered. It was finally something that was his own. Something that made him feel slightly less worthless. He wasn't sure what it was, but he knew it wasn't normal.

He pondered all of this while sitting on his bed, the door sealed shut by ice encasing the walls and everything in his room. He had his knees against his chest, eyes squinting and his eyebrows furrowed in thought. Lance didn't even remember what he was dreaming about that could've caused this. He just knew it wasn't good, to have caused his sleep-self to have a reaction like this. The more he tried to remember, the more the cold started to affect him. 

Looking at the clock, it was still fairly early. Everyone would be still asleep, he learned from the other nights where he woke up from a nightmare. Good. They wouldn't notice the ice, if it happened to start to affect the outside of his room too. 

Moments like these were when he considered telling someone what was going on. At the least Coran- he trusted him the most. But he was scared. He didn't know what this meant and was already regretting wishing he could have something like the rest of them did. 

Especially because it was sparked by his night-terrors, of all things. Lance hated himself for those. It made him feel weak. They were in the middle of a ten-thousand year old war, and despite the people they saved, he still felt guilty for the galra he killed and always had a split second of hesitation before he made his final blows. That was something entirely different to start thinking about, he couldn't afford to waste anymore time. 

Deciding to pull himself out of his thoughts, he stood. He had to get rid of the ice before someone woke up and noticed. How? He had no idea. 

It had never been this extreme. Never had it spread further than his bed. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to see if he could will it to disappear. It had appeared because of him, right? So why couldn't he just..

He attempted to will it the way someone in a movie would activate their telekinesis. He prayed it to go away. He imagined it sucking back in to him. At some point, he was even mediating, practically begging for it all to magically disappear.

Lance, his fingers pressed to his temples while glaring at the frosted door, realized how stupid he probably looked with his attempts. If Pidge saw, she'd be rolling with laughter. He dropped his hands to his sides and his face fell. 

With a sigh, he went over to his personal thermostat, prying open the frozen cover with his hands. It was a miracle it still worked. Lance increased the temperature and turned on the heating, knowing itd be enough to melt the ice after a few hours. He dressed himself and grabbed what he needed from his room, and exited after multiple attempts of opening the frozen door. The closed door was sealed enough that the ice post-melt would be trapped inside until he opened it. 

If they asked, he'd say he accidentally left the faucet on. Lance was an _idiot_ enough that they'd believe he'd do that anyway. They wouldn't suspect anything. 

Lance, walking down the halls, ended up deep in thought again. Whatever this was definitely had to do with his lion. Blue was the epitome of ice and water, and the fact that they connected better than the rest of his teammates did with their lions must've said something. Being the joke of the group, they never believed him when he mentioned the way he connected with his lion and talking to her. So he dropped it, accepting their disbelief. 

Whatever, it was  _his_ lion anyway. The only true friend he had in space. He hummed, the thought making him turn down the hall he was pacing and go to the chamber where Blue was.

Smiling, he knocked on the particle barrier like he would knock on his friends door to play when he was a kid. She let him in almost instantly, and knowingly comforted him. 

"I wish you had a voice, maybe you could tell me what was going on." Lance murmured with false hope, entering his lion. 

Feeding him thoughts, images, and ideas were the closest thing there was to that. He was frustrated at first, not knowing why she couldn't just piece it together for him, but as he stayed with her more he began to understand. This was something he had to figure out himself. It couldn't be that easy. It was better that way. He trusted his lion enough to know that solving it on his own would only help him. 

Lance relaxed in his piloting seat, feeling calmer just by being there. He wasn't sure if that was a psychological effect, Blue's comfort, or both, but it worked. 

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, he spoke again. 

"I had another nightmare. And.. I woke up with ice all over my room. I'm sure you already know that though." Lance pursed his lips. Then smiled. "It's kind of funny now that I say it outloud," he put a finger to his chin in thought, "it reminds me of Elsa from that old movie Frozen. You know? All broody in her room, freezing the place on accident and crying about it later." He laughed. 

His laughter died down, falling back to his anxious expression, his throat tight. Was this the part where he cried?

Lance shook his head in refusal, wiping away the excess moisture that formed in his eyes. "I'm gonna be honest. I'm scared, Blue. I don't know what's wrong with me or what to do. As far as I know, I've never been experimented on by the Galra, and I'm not an ancient magical elf like Coran and Allura, and I've never heard of anything like this before. 

"Maybe one of them has an idea of what this is, but what if it's something bad? What if it's something really, really bad, like Haggar? Will I be even more of a burden to them? What if they kick me off the team because they don't wanna deal with it? I'm easily replaceable, anyways. Keith said so himself." He felt his heart clench, and he laid his head on the offline control panel in front of him.

Blue softly hummed, flowing feelings of comfort to him. Lance, despite being on the verge of crying, smiled. He didn't know what he would do without her. He'd definitely had of gone crazy. 

He closed his eyes, 'opening' himself to her in a way. It wasn't something he learned. When it came to his lion, things like that just came naturally to him, as if he always knew how.

 An image of the library appeared in his mind, and Lance instantly recognized it as a hint of some sort. He snapped out of his trance.

 "There's a library here?" Well, duh, he smacked himself mentally. Of course a space castle would have a library. There were loads of sections of the castle left untouched, as they had only stuck to necessary areas of the castle in respect to maintain what it once was. But.. A library would be really useful. Books from magical royal space elves had to of had  _something_ to explain his 'condition'.

The only issue is that Allura disliked him and would _never_ let him touch anywhere locked off. Which he respected. It wasn't too long ago that she lost everyone she loved, so he understood why she'd want to preserve the places where she lived with them before the attack.

At least.. That was his best guess. He furrowed his brows and guilt crept up on him. Guilt because, despite her wishes, he still  _really, really_ wanted and needed to get in there. And he was currently plotting how to get a map to track down where the library was.

All he wanted was answers, and he needed to learn how to manage whatever this ice problem was before it started getting dangerous. 

It wasn't that bad, right? If his lion was telling him it was fine, it must be the right thing to do. Plus, it wasn't like Allura had to find out.

The justification didn't make him feel any less unsettled about doing it. But.. Some risks had to be taken. One thing was for sure. He had to be very, very careful and not get caught. He winced just imagining how hurt and betrayed she'd feel, mystical lion suggesting it to him or not. 

Lance felt conflicted. Saying Blue suggested it would really help. He covered his face with his hands, regretting that consideration. Though that would back him up in such case, he didn't want to blame Blue for anything. 

Blue came from her silence, the sensation translating to "I can take responsibility for this, Lance." In a way that also hinted 'I can handle myself'.

Lance couldn't accept that, though he did feel appreciation. This was his own decision. She was only trying to help guide him. Lance smiled faintly, the strain in his expression leaving.

"Thanks, Blue. But I couldn't that to you. And hey, we can't assume the worst outcome will happen! Who said I'd get caught, anyway?" He forced confidence in to himself, standing. She hummed in amusement, cheering him up even more.

He checked the clock on the display board, realizing everyone would be waking up soon. How long had he been in here? "I have talk to Pidge. I need to figure out how I could get her to give me a map, first." He adjusted his jacket and messed up his hair slightly so it appeared he hadn't been up long. "I'll be back tonight, Blue." He promised.

As he left the hangar, he started crafting reasons that would get him a map without raising any suspicion from the others.

Lance decided to take a casual route with Operation Obtain Castle Map, or OOCM for short. (Yes, he's going all out with this.) He laid on his back on the couch, his legs dangling off the back of it and his head upside down as it hung off the front.

He was pretending to be invested in something his tablet had picked up from an alien network nearby, but in truth he was waiting for everyone to be up and about. As soon as he saw Pidge sit down on the couch with her laptop, practically routine for her, he'd ask. It wouldn't be much long of a wait, unless something happened.

Lance perked up when he noticed a figure enter the lounge, but was disappointed when he realised it wasn't Pidge.

Maybe he was too obvious, because when he visibly deflated at the sight of Keith, he got a scowl in response. "I'm not glad to see you either, Lance." He bit out, continuing his walk towards, just a wild guess, the training room.

Keith's outfit only made that more obvious, sweatpants and a tanktop with a dry towel draped over his shoulder.

"Great observation skills you have there." Lance couldn't help but talk back. It was instinct by now.

Keith paused and turned around, and Lance wished he hadn't said anything. He really didn't want to deal with this right now.

"You're right. Better than yours at least."

Lance felt a surge of irritation. "What's that supposed to mean?" He was sitting up then, glaring at Keith.

"Just saying. Maybe if you did more than just lay around, you would have better aim when we need it."

Ouch, yeah, that definitely stung. Lance's glare faltered, but hardened not a second after. Where did that come from anyway? He hasn't had to shoot anyone for awhile now. It'd been relatively peaceful, if you ignore alien transmissions and the looming threat of the Galra.

"Well maybe if you weren't taking up the training room all the time, your  _teammates_  would be able to practice more."

"Who said only one person was allowed in the training room at a time? Quit making excuses for your laziness, Lance."

"You really think anyone wants to train with you when you barely have any sense of self control?" Lance defended, beginning to raise his voice.

Keith didn't seem to be expecting it either, but to be fair he was the one that said something first. Lance took a deep breath. He shouldn't act like this. His condition might've been slightly responsible for him getting set off so fast. Usually, he'd just say a stupid insult, not actually jab at a soft spot.

"At least I'm not incapable. I'd rather lack self control than be a moron."

That was it. Stupid Elsa ice ruining his morning and his mood or not, he-

Pidge interrupted. "Hey, if you're gonna fight, take it to the training room. Not here, please."

Lance was relieved she had stopped them, even better that she was late to it. If she'd been there at the beginning, she wouldve sided with Keith. Stupid Keith. He huffed. Crossing his arms, be plopped back down in to the seat, not even realizing he had stood up in the first place. Keith, to his relief, stormed off. Pidge rolled her eyes and sat down.

Oh, wait, he'd nearly forgotten! "Hey, Pidge!"

She looked up from her screen, raising a brow, motioning him to continue.

"Can you get a full map of the ship on a drive? I think it'd be useful in case of emergencies and planning stuff in case someone breaks in." He said, unsure how he managed to not sound as nervous as he felt. Did he say too much? His chances already sucked. He hoped he didn't ruin them completely.

She looked at him, apprehension in her eyes. It was obvious she didn't really want to trust him with that. His chest tightened with anxiety, filled with doubt. "I guess so. Better safe than sorry.. I'll have it later tonight."

Lance mentally cheered, able to breathe again. Part one of two in his plan completed. Wait. The cheer died down, realization rolling in. Those sections were locked off. Meaning he needed a way to open them. Dammit.

Make that part one of three completed. Now he needed to figure out a way to activate and enter a room discreetly. This was going to be the hardest part. Lance wasn't even sure how to go about that. Asking one of them was out of the picture.

Unless.. He told Coran. He would understand, right? But he always sided with the princess when it came to major things. He doubted he would go against her for him.

Yeah. That wasn't happening. He'd start off with some late-night snooping when everyone went to bed. Lance refused to let the road block make him give up. In his desperation, he would even ask Blue. She knew the castle better than he did. She practically resonated with it, and he wouldn't doubt if she knew how to break in to those rooms.

Since those plans were reserved for night, and it was morning, anticipation was tugging at him. Lance didn't want to have to wait. He just wanted this over with. But with everyone awake and alert, he'd no doubt get caught. Too bad he couldn't freeze time instead of freezing his room. Sneaking around would be so much easier.

For now, he'd figure out something to do to occupy himself.

Speaking of ice room.. Lance shot up from his seat, remembering that it'd be melted. During his speed walk to his room, he noticed that he didn't really think this through. There would be water everywhere, and most of his things would be wet. He didn't have much of a way to clean up the water, either. Lance really needed to start getting better with that..

Holding his breath, he pressed the button to open his door. And...

There was no release of water like he had expected. Clouds of icy air dispersed in to the hall. The ice was still there. In fact, it looked exactly the same way it did before. Lance froze in place, dread filing him. The ice hadn't melted or disappeared in the slightest. What in the hell?

He groaned, covering his face and stepping in to the room, careful not to slip, the door sliding shut behind him. This was bad, really bad. The kind of bad he was worrying about earlier. Was he being over dramatic? Maybe, but this was a new and serious issue. Lance had no idea how to get rid of this on his own, and he doubt he would for awhile. How long could he keep this hidden from the others?

Lance sharply inhaled, and then forced a smile, "This is fine! Fine. It's probably not like real ice and just takes longer to melt. And who needs books, I got this. I'll just.." In his forced optimism, he set the door to locked and forced a drawer to desk open.

Shards of glass fell to his feet, and he brightened when he saw that his notebook and assortment of pencils were safe, the same way his clothes were. Right, note number one. Things inside his desk and closet survived. First, he had to start keeping track of whatever this was.

Sitting down on the floor with his notebook in hand, he looked around. Lance hadn't noticed it before, but the cold had no effect on him. Yes, he recognized it and it's severity, but it wasn't irritating or painful. Was it because his ice was weird? Or did creating it grant him some from of immunity. He wrote his thoughts down.

Writing always helped him solve things. It got him to analyze something while keeping track of his very scattered brain. Lance was hoping this would have the same effect. He was clueless now, but his writing could bring an idea to the surface.

His lion had something to do with this.  _That_ was already established. He'd have to be an complete idiot to not see that. Was it Blue herself, the connection, or the thing that linked them? Was the ice connected to him in the same way he was connected with his lion? He knew there was a word for it, Allura had talked about it before...

Qun.. Quinn.. Quinessence? No. Quintessence. That sounded right. From what he picked up, quintessence basically represented your soul and was the thing that established a link with a lion. He was pretty sure that  _Blue_  wasn't the one to cause this. She made ice, but he doubted she could freeze his room without being in it. 

He couldn't deny it. This was strongly reminding him of Haggar and how corrupted quintessence gave her power. An eerie feeling filled him along with dread. No, no. He wasn't evil. He just.. His quintessence might be acting weird. That was the best explanation he had. 

Lance felt Blue in the back of his mind, a chilling feeling that spoke "You're close."

At that, Lance decided to leave the room. His veins and every crevice of him felt... Wrong. Icy and wrong. He needed to get out of there. 

Lance hoped that Keith was done with his training. Either way, he refused to let that stop him from blowing off steam. 

His path came to a halt when he encountered the control room. Allura, Pidge and Hunk were in there, speaking lowly. A screen was suspended in the air, but Lance couldn't tell what was on it from his distance. He was close enough to listen, though. So he lingered behind the wall next to the entrance, listening closely.

"I don't know. Something might be wrong with the castle's temperature regulator. I don't think it was ever adjusted to last this long off of Altea." Pidge.

"Still doesn't explain why it drops so drastically in that one area of the castle. Something has to be deliberately doing that. We even checked the the cooling system, and there's no evidence that it malfunctioned." Hunk's words made Lance's heart drop to his stomach.

They noticed? Of course they would. Lance groaned internally.

"So, what? There's an invisible space ninja with a freeze machine causing this? I don't know if you've noticed, but it's stemming from _Lance's_ room." Pidge's voice was accusing. Lance panicked even further.

Hunk sighed. "I mean that it might have something to do with the lions. They're magical and have done unexplainable stuff before. Lance has nothing to do with this."

"But why? Why that one area, and for what reason." Pidge seemed to be insistent that this was technological rather than supernatural, along with blaming Lance. Though he  _was_ the cause of it, her assumption still stung. Did she really think he had any malicious intent?

"No. Hunk has a point." Allura finally stepped in, "This might have something to do with the lions. And because the source seems to be Lance's room, perhaps.." She didn't finish her sentence. Lance wished he could see her expression so he could tell if she paused to agree with Pidge's accusation, or if she knew something they didn't.

"Perhaps, what? Allura?" Pidge said after a few seconds of silence.

"Nothing. I'm over thinking. We can't worry about this right now. We don't have the time, there are more important things we have to deal with. If it gets worse, then I'll get Coran to investigate the lions and monitor the regulation system. For now, stick to what matters." 

Noticing the dismissal in her words, Lance hurried down the hall, continuing his route to the training room.

His heart beating loudly in his ears, a cold sweat broke over his body. He should've expected them to notice. They weren't stupid. Pidge already suspected him, and Allura most likely did too. Hunk, thank God, defended him. He was always a good friend when it mattered.

Lance was even more determined than before to get his problem under control. They _couldn't_ find out. Not when he could be seen as a danger. Allura said they'd do something when it got worse, meaning he still had time. Whether or not it'd be enough to solve this, he didn't know. 

Temporarily pushing that away to panic over later while trying to sleep, he entered the training room. He'd prove that his aim wasn't bad. Keith wasn't there, probably grumbling in his room over Shiro's absence. Good.

Summoning his bayard, he called out, "Initiate target, type A."


	2. Competing to Agreeing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my best friend APRIL for motivating and helping me with this story<3
> 
> Thank you to everyone who took the time to read the first chapter!! I wasn't expecting that much attention in the slightest. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Lance sat in his pilot seat in Blue. It was late at night, the castle switched to what he called dark-mode, indicating that it was time to sleep. He was sure there was more to it but didn't care enough to find out. 

As planned, Lance was still up, plotting. He had retrieved his notebook and pencils from his room, deciding he'd investigate in Blue rather than in the igloo that was his room. 

Blue wouldn't hold his hand through solving whatever this ice thing was. (He really needed to think of a better name for this.) Though, since she helped him with the library, he guessed that she would at least guide him. Any hint she gave him would help a ton. Currently, he didn't really have any way to get in the library. There weren't many options other than telling Coran. The risks that came with that were too high, so that wasn't happening.

Pidge came through with the map. The USB, the space tech equivalent at least, was plugged into a holographic display device. Pidge said that that was the file the map was on and that's what it would work on, and it did. Seeing the high-quality 3-dimensional shape of the ship rotating above the display disc reminded him of how much more advanced Altea was in comparison to Earth. If he didn't know it was a hologram, he would've thought it was solid. The only issue was that he wasn't really sure how to access the map part of the image. 

  
Squinting at the hologram, Lance pondered how the map would appear. His first instinct was to stick his finger through it. Raising his hand reluctantly, he did. To his surprise, it immediately reacted to the contact and Lance quickly pulled back his hand. Four different screens pulled up. Symbols he recognized as Altean were there along with it, possibly giving instructions that he couldn't read. 

Being on this ship, it would be useful if Allura or Coran gave them something that would help them learn Altean. There were too many issues that arose due to the fact that they can't read the language. Yes, there were visual and audio auto-translators, that's how they could communicate with other alien societies, but there were some things that got lost in translation. Lance had tried to mention it before, but no one took him seriously and interrupted him as usual. So it stayed in the back of his mind like the rest of his ideas. 

Trying to remember what symbols meant what, he was somehow able to click on the right prompts. He couldn't tell if Blue had helped him or if he got lucky with his very vague knowledge, managing to reveal a 2D map of the floor he was currently on. Smiling in satisfaction, he poked it, prompting a reaction. Like he had hoped, it switched to the second floor. 

  
After that came the dragged out task of trying to figure out which rooms were which. 

After some time, he discovered the blocky layout that resembled the image Blue gave him of the library. He made a brief, very simplistic sketch of the floor the room was on and circled it. It was plain, but he would know where he was going. From what he could tell, the castle was practically a maze. 

Pleased with his work, he removed the USB and closed his notebook with a grin. Now all that was left was breaking in.   
  
That would come later, though. He was hoping that he wouldn't have to investigate much and it would just come to him.   
  
"You gonna say anything, Blue?" He raised a brow, anticipating her help.   
  
She only rumbled in response, feeding him what could only be described as "patience". Did that mean he would find out soon? There was a wisp of something, but he couldn't identify it. He guessed he would discover an answer eventually. With a sigh, he stood up.  
  
For now, maybe he could.. Try to summon it on his own? Without sleeping and being terrified. It would be a start, at least. Lance was too impatient to wait to get in the library and didn't know if he'd have enough time until one of the others found out. Trying to create ice while aware, that would be his first step. There was a sense of uneasiness in him because of the paranoid thought that it was wrong, and he reconsidered.   
  
Wouldn't Blue tell him if it was evil or try to stop him? That was the only thing that brought him back to his room, to sit on the floor in the same spot he took notes in. He theorized that being closer to it wouldn't make it as difficult. Adding on was easier than creating, right?   
  
Lance hummed, attempting to calm his fear and focus. He felt Blue agreeing, motivating his attempt.   
  
Closing his eyes, he focused on how the air felt around him. It was sharp, cold, and made his exposed skin faintly tingle. When he inhaled, he felt it rush through his system in with a familiar feeling and settle in his bones.   
  
From that point, it began to feel natural in the same way his communication with Blue was. His hands moved on their own, opening in front of him. He just  _knew_ how to direct it. His body pushed the icy feeling that had filled him in to focus on his hands. The build up forced the excess from his palms, and.. 

  
Lance shot open his eyes. Water was spilling from his hands, the source seemingly from nowhere. 

 _He was creating water_. Water. From him. He was doing that.  
  
It quit producing the instant that realization set in, and he shot up from his position. The water that hit the ground froze on impact and trailed up to the rest before it could hit the ground, resembling thin icicles protruding from the ice that covered his floor.   
  
Blue seemed proud. Lance on the other hand? His fear was back. Eyes locked on to his palms, he tried to understand how that was even possible. He was even more confused than before.  
  
It made sense. Ice and water came hand in hand. That still didn't explain how it was possible in the first place. Before, he'd seen it as bizarre and something from a fantasy movie. Now it seemed all too real, witnessing himself create it.   
  
Okay.. He let out the breath he was holding. He could make.. Water. He needed to describe the feeling in his notebook. Lance wasn't sure how he did it in the first place. It felt as natural as  _breathing_.   
  
The open notebook off to the side of him had splashes of water on it, but it was thankfully fine. Lance began to write, detailing the feeling and what he did so it would be easier to bring back on his second attempt. Just in case it didn't come as naturally. 

  
Tiredness washed over him. All he wanted to do was try to sleep away the stress he felt. Giving how sleep deprived he was, he didn't think it would take too long. Putting the notebook back in his desk drawer, (He didn't want that frozen, too) he undressed. Only in his boxers, the cold still didn't bother him.   
  
Conveniently, his spot where he last slept on his bed was the only area not frozen. Lance noted that, wondering if that was because it came out as a blast rather than spreading from him. He didn't know which had happened, but wish he did.

  
Crawling into his bed, he closed his eyes tight and tried to sleep.

  
  
  
It didn't take long for yet another night terror to come to life.   
  
Lance was in his paladin armor, his bayard in gun form as he made careful steps down a hallway. It was dark, under a permanent fog. His footsteps echoed too sharply, and muffled screams could be heard in the distance.  
  
He was calm, too calm for the situation he was in.  
  
Behind him, he heard a thud. Snapping his head towards the direction it came from, he turned down the hall to find the source of the noise.   
  
Sobbing met his ears. A kid, alien, was crying, huddling against the wall and covering his face.   
  
Lance quickly crouched down in front of the child, placing his gun down next to him so he wouldn't feel threatened.   
  
"Hey, hey, you're safe now. Do you know where your parents are?" Lance spoke softly to not spook them, reaching out his hand.   
  
He winced and pulled his hand away when the child let out a shrill scream in response, his sobs getting louder. "DON'T, don't. _You killed them!_   _Stay away!_ "   
  
Lance felt his stomach drop and his eyes widened in horror. Though the kid no longer moved his mouth, a voice repeated the words.  
  
_"You killed them. You killed them. You killed them."_  
  
The voice stopped and Lance forced himself to move when he heard the sound of gunfire and a scream, closer by. Shaking his head, he picked up the kid in one swift movement. He had to get them out of there.   
  
The kid forced himself out of his arms, and Lance felt his heart leap. He had to-  
  
His thought was cut off when he saw just how terrified their face looked, eyes round and glassy. Lance found that he couldn't move anymore. They began to gag.  
  
The child's face turned blue and they lurched, water forcing itself from their body, a constant fill in their mouth no matter how much spilled out. They clawed at their throat, gurgling as they tried to suck in air but failed. Lance tried to scream but nothing would vocalize. The invisible force hindering his movement was impossible to fight against. No amount of force would make his limbs move, trapped in his own body.  
  
It didn't stop until they couldn't move anymore. Their body limp and mouth agape, the water quit coming.   
  
_"Look at what you did. Why did you touch them? You killed their parents, and now you've killed them."_ His own voice, resonating from the walls told him.   
  
_No, no, no, no, no, no. Please, I'm sorry._ His vocal cords still didn't work. The only thing he was able to regain was control of his body. Tears flowed freely from his face, and..   
  
  
  
  
Before anything else could happen, Lance jolted forward in his bed. He automatically reached for his face, feeling tears. For the first time in a while, he'd remembered. The sight of that child dying..  
  
Dream or not, it still caused him to cry for what felt like hours afterward. The constant feeling of self-hate was amplified, guilt for the lives he took constricting his chest, along with the fear of hurting someone with his newfound ability. What if he accidentally drowned someone like that in the future?   
  
Lance could already feel him losing himself, increasing every time he took another life. The deep want to just let go and shut off his feelings when it came to murder was more than tempting. Lance felt even more guilty for wanting it- to just not care anymore. Then he'd have a night terror like the one he'd just have, reminding him of what he's done.  
  
  
He pressed his lips together and sat up from his fetal position in his bed. For a second, he'd forgotten the ice encasing his room. There was no difference, and a tiny bit of hope returned to him. Sleep-him hadn't frozen anything.  
  
Glancing at his clock, the early time of 5:00 am, later than normal, stood out against the darkness of his room. Not having much else to do, he dressed, summoning his bayard and heading to the training room.  
  
Lance didn't think Keith would be up as early as he was, yet there he was. Lance frowned before he could stop himself. Keith hadn't noticed, too invested in the AI he was fighting. Lance grinned, lifting his gun and aiming.  
  
Even with the fast-paced fight, the AI making it that much harder to shoot, Lance pulled the trigger. The shot hit it's target, right in the center of the bot's forehead, halting it in its tracks.  
  
Keith noticeably jumped, turning around so fast that Lance thought he might have whiplash. He scowled, and Lance raised a brow.   
  
"Lance. What are you doing." Keith spoke tightly, saying the question more like a statement.  
  
"Sharing is caring, right? That's what you said. If we were out in a battle, that would've been me saving you." Lance smirked, putting his hand on his chest the same way a knight in shining armor would.   
  
"I never said that."   
  
"If you say so, mullet."   
  
"Mullet?" Keith narrowed his eyes at him. "How is that even an insult?"   
  
"It just is!"   
  
"Whatever. Just stay out of my way." Keith turned around, then opened his mouth, probably to reset the training simulation.   
  
"I think not. Let's have a competition." Lance interrupted. He knew he was beginning to push it. But.. He couldn't shake off the want to prove himself to Keith.   
  
Lance was sick of everyone teaming up together to put him down. Joking and being lighthearted to liven the dark atmosphere in the castle worked, but now he'd given everyone the impression that he truly was stupid and felt as if he'd only annoyed people. Now no one took him seriously or ever listened to him.  
  
At first, it didn't affect him and he took the blows in understanding.   
  
Understanding because Lance _could_  be overwhelming at times. He _was_  a bit excessive and he could see how that could be irritating. That didn't erase the hurt, though. He came from a large family where he was the youngest, the most paid attention to and rarely on his own. Lance wasn't used to being ignored in a place with such a tense and depressing aura. Not used to being brushed off and having very little positive interactions. It gave too much time to think, and he was homesick. The people that truly cared for him and he was closest to were light-years away.   
  
He didn't know if they were safe, or if they were happy. He didn't know if they were still hurting from his disappearance. He didn't know if they gave up looking for him. He had no idea what they thought had happened to him. Lance never even got to say goodbye, and his heart clenched at the thought of causing his family pain.  
  
In short, Lance was starting to feel very, very alone. Hurt and alone.  
  
This knowledge made him less inclined to want to cheer anyone up, and subconsciously sparked more stubborn and dark urges. Something in him kept saying, _"What's the point in trying anymore?"_ That thought was louder than usual. And it was scary. Lance didn't want to go off the deep end, the same desire he had after that night terror being tied to it.   
  
Keith paused, analyzing the determined look on Lance's face, probably not thinking he was being serious.   
  
A ghost of a smile appeared on Keith's face. "Competition?"   
  
"Whoever takes down the most B grade AI in a fifteen-minute time frame wins. No rules, just no injuring each other." Lance said after spending the time Keith's contemplation took to make it up, adding that last bit in case Keith decided he wanted to plummet him.   
  
"Don't get too cocky now, Lance." Keith pulled his knife from his belt, bayard in the other hand.   
  
Excitement removed Lance's serious expression, a smile taking over.

  
  
The competition somehow ended up turning in to a game of sorts. Lance, right when Keith was about to 'kill' a bot he'd been maneuvering around, shot it. Another point for him.   
  
"Cheater." Keith said.  
  
"No rules. Remember?" Lance said, kicking down another bot.  
  
Neither of them looked away from their targets while they bickered. Lance hadn't been expecting Keith to lighten up in the slightest, but he had after a few minutes.   
  
After the longest time, Lance was having _fun_. And if he wasn't mistaken, Keith was enjoying it too.   
  
A thought probed at the back of his mind, saying, _'Maybe he's starting to feel alone like I am.'_  
  
The timer buzzed to display the last few seconds of the round remaining. Lost in the flow of the fight and his thoughts, his focus instantly broke due to the sound and got tackled to the ground.   
  
Before Lance could take any injury from the AI, Keith stepped in, driving his blade into the back of its neck. It dematerialized, and the timer buzzed one last time, the session ending.   
  
"Looks like I'm the one 'saving' you now." Keith said smugly, but a genuine smile was on his face, holding out his hand to help Lance up.  
  
It was hard for Lance to get annoyed like he usually would when, though he would never admit it to anyone, he felt..   
  
_Fondness_? Uncertainty at that filled him.   
  
Accepting the help, he returned the smile. "Are we even now?"  
  
"Maybe."   
  
  
Lance had completely forgotten about the scores, and it stayed that way for a while. Lounging on a couch, he could only think of wanting to do it again, and couldn't get Keith's face out of his head. A sense of accomplishment over making him smile after how depressed he'd been acting for weeks made Lance proud of himself. All he knew was that he wanted to do it again.   
  
He felt strange at that want. Lance wanted to make _Keith_  smile. Keith who annoyed him to no end just by existing. Keith who hurt his feelings just by being better than him at everything.   
  
Pidge got his attention when she entered the room. "Lance. Control room. Not an emergency, but it's important."  
  
His kind-of-good mood was ruined as soon as she left. The thing he'd been trying to not stress over caught up with him.   
  
Was this about the temperature drop? We're they going to interrogate him? Did they already know?  
  
His body was covered in a cold sweat, and his limbs felt like jello, paranoia and thousands of scenarios running through his head as he headed towards the control room.  
  
Everyone else was already there, waiting. He swallowed hard, not able to meet any of their eyes.   
  
"Lotor's sudden disappearance has caused a great disturbance amongst the Galra."   
  
He released the breath he was holding when Allura spoke. He couldn't believe that he could be relieved to hear about the Galra, but he was. At that moment, news of the Galra sounded much better than them finding out about him.  
  
"Though they are at their weakest, they are also at their most uncoordinated and chaotic. Some societies have been freed by the Empire as it's split up, but unfortunately some others have been wiped out during battles for control. There appears to be several factions, all attempting to take over each other and claim a new ruler."   
  
Allura typed something on a panel and holographic images pulled up, each a different face but all clearly Galra.  
  
"From what's been gathered, Lotor's old generals are the most in power but all divided. This is perfect timing to eliminate them. Our chances are much better now that they are no longer working together, and are too focused on killing each other rather than worrying about Voltron. Removing them will further strip down the empire." She paused, giving them a moment to collect the information and think.   
  
Lance spoke before he could stop himself. "Right. That's great and all, but you said uncoordinated." He stopped himself momentarily, unsure. After a second, he took Allura's waiting silence as permission to keep talking. "We have no idea who is where, and how much manpower they have. Could we go to a recently freed planet? Ask them if they know anything."   
  
Allura nodded. Lance was shocked that she hadn't cut him off and actually _listened_ , having to regain his composure. Keith and Pidge were staring at him with looks he couldn't identify before he was forced to turn his attention back to Allura.   
  
"Exactly. During a scan, we picked up some transmission from a planet that was previously coded by Galra radioactivity." She replaced the faces with a three-dimensional hologram of a mid-sized planet. "We're going to be heading that way to see if they've been freed. If they are, we will be making a temporary descent."   
  
Finally. He hated being trapped in the castle for so long. Lance couldn't wait until he could finally feel nice soil under his feet. He prayed that the planet wouldn't be destroyed, but he knew the chance of it being functional was very low. The Galra ruined everything it touched.  
  
A memory of a snotty kid with dirty hands came to mind, and Lance had to pretend to cough to cover up the laugh that wanted to leave him.   
  
"How distant is the planet?" Keith said, his arms crossed in what Lance called typical-Keith-stance.   
  
He didn't look pleased, and Lance figured he wasn't happy that he wasn't told about this from the beginning, giving that he was taking over Shiro's position of co-leader.   
  
"Very close. We should be in its outer atmosphere by early tomorrow. I want us all in this room by seven-hundred in the morning. We will discuss this further before we land."  
  
They all took that as the meeting ending and dispersed.  
  
Lance wanted more information, but he knew it was pointless to try to object. Just because he said something that happened to be in the plan didn't mean that his questions would start being accepted or not ignored. Plus, they'd be meeting again in the morning. Lance hoped they'd find out more then.  
  
  
  
  
Blue was a comfort. Most of the time.   
  
Right now? She was only stressing him out. Lance knew that she meant well, but she didn't understand that he didn't want to think about his issue for awhile.   
  
Sitting in her, she kept tugging his mind in the direction of the water he created. Every time he thought about it, his brain pictured the child he had killed in his dream.   
  
_No, he didn't want to try creating it again. No._  
  
She still didn't let it go. Feelings and memories of him saving people ran through his brain, Blue practically speaking, _"If you learn how to control this now, nothing like that will happen outside of your control. You'll only help people."_  
  
Her logic made sense and was a good reality check for him. Even then, he still got a disgusted sensation. Like there was a sickness infecting him. Lance knew that this was due to his denial, paranoia, and thoughts of it being corrupted quintessence. That didn't make it affect him any less, though. It didn't feel right in the slightest. Yes, he could learn to control it. But what if he didn't get it fast enough and killed an innocent person?  
  
"I don't even know what _this_ is in the first place! I don't know what's wrong with me. Obviously, my family isn't alien! I've never gone under any weird changes. I don't ever remember being zapped by magic." He'd stood up, pacing around and his head beginning to throb with an oncoming headache.  
  
The icy feeling he'd gotten when creating the water started crawling through his veins. Stress and pain were spilling out in anger. "And according to you, I'll get answers in the stupid library that I can't even get into because it's locked!"  
  
Finishing his outburst, overwhelming sadness took over the empty space the anger had made after it left him. His eyes welled up with tears that he wiped away firmly.   
  
"I'm.." He spoke more softly, and sat on the floor gently against a wall. "Sorry, Blue. I know this isn't your fault." His fingers traced along the cool surface beneath him. Lance's heart clenched in guilt. "You don't deserve this."   
  
Lance knew he was being unfair, putting Blue in a position where she had to deal with his emotional turmoils and listen to him every day.   
  
Blue rumbled, Lance receiving a sense of understanding and care. He really didn't think he deserved her.   
  
Not all of his family are light-years away.  
  
Lance enjoyed the silence that followed, his nerves calming by a considerable amount.   
  
He didn't know how long he sat there before he was bobbing his head, dozing off to sleep. Blue, before Lance passed out, gently alerted him awake.   
  
Lance rubbed his eyes and got up, reality coming back to him as he left his half-awake state. "We should both get some sleep.. Or, rest for you. I don't know if you sleep. We have an important day tomorrow!" He forced his typical positivity.  
  
Lance stretched, saying a goodnight while stumbling out of Blue. 


	3. False Hope

Lance, like the morning before, was in the training room. 

He'd woken up before the meeting Allura has set, and Keith was training. Lance, remembering yesterday, decided he didn't want to try to piss him off by shooting the bot he was fighting. Instead, he was content with watching. Waiting, but mostly watching. 

Keith ducked under a knife swipe, rapidly turning to the side so he could kick behind its calf. The move succeeded and the bot fell back, Keith pulling back his fist and planting it in the side of its face as it fell. There was fire in his actions, and Lance had a feeling that he wasn't in his best mood. Hesitating, he reconsidered what he wanted to say. 

Seeing him now, he had no idea  _how_ he managed to do anything to make Keith not so.. Pissy. Lance had temporarily forgotten how Keith had been for weeks, worse than his usual attitude that he had since the day he met him. It was almost disappointing. Lance knew why, though. He knew how much Shiro meant to him. He'd only just recently gotten him back, and now he had to deal with his loss yet again. 

That didn't excuse him fully, but it made his actions more reasonable and Lance tried to not let it get to him. 

The bot was practically destroyed, and Lance wasn't sure why it hadn't despawned yet, let alone how it was still on two feet. "I don't think there's anything left to attack." 

That got his attention. Keith halted another hit in the middle of its tracks. Something flashed in his eyes, and he was panting, letting his arms go limp on his sides. "Leave me alone, Lance."

"That's a bit contradictory to your previous statement." He responded, not backing down. 

"I couldn't care less right now." 

"Well I do, and out of my _concern_ for your mental and physical health, you need to quit training all the time." 

Keith became obviously annoyed at that. "At least I'm doing  _something_  with myself. What do you do? Private message random alien chicks you happen to find? Quit acting like you actually care and aren't just trying to annoy me." 

Lance didn't respond to the insult, but anger still riddled his thoughts. Keith had no idea what he was dealing with. One of the things that truly pissed him off were assumptions. And he was sick of them constantly assuming things about him. 

" _Something_ being destroying yourself. Right, because that's so productive." Keith didn't think he cared about him? Fine. It wasn't like that mattered to Keith anyway. Lance didn't let anger make him respond with anything too bad. He didn't want to genuinely offend him, even if that was Keith's intent. 

"More productive than being absolutely worthless to the team." Keith snapped. As soon as the words left his mouth, the rage in his eyes faltered. Lance couldn't tell if it was regret or not. Either way, he had said it.

Lance felt his throat tighten, and he knew that he'd accidentally let a flinch show on his face before he could stop it. Jaw clenched to fight off tears, his chest constricted. _Worthless_. How he had felt since almost the start of this mess. Since he realized he had nothing special to offer and had nothing keeping him from getting replaced other than the bond with his lion. Confirmation **hurt**. Hearing that, the insults he had received over time now had honesty behind them. Pidge, Keith, and even sometimes Hunk and Allura weren't ever really joking, were they?

Their arguing was never filled with intentional pain until recently. Keith's words were too far. Lance knew it was more serious. Calling yourself something didn't hurt nearly as much as someone else saying it. Lance felt his insides become freezing, his body tingling with the sensation. Lance knew that was his ice wanting to come out, but he couldn't stop the amount of sadness and anger that rapidly took over. Anger and _hate_. Hate towards himself, and hate towards the knowledge that it wasn't only himself that thought he was worthless. They thought he was, too.

It wasn't fair. Lance never chose to become part of this war. He never chose to leave his family behind. He never chose to throw away his entire future. He never chose to lack any talents. He was just some boy from Cuba that got lucky and managed to get into the Garrison.

The desire to quit trying was overwhelming at that moment. Lance didn't care anymore. Nothing was left to keep him going. There was too much pain now.

"Is that how you all really feel about me?" His voice barely came out, almost inaudible. Lance didn't know how the tears threatening him hadn't come out once he spoke. He wasn't even sure why he still felt like crying- when he felt so empty. That only made him even more pissed off. Not only was he worthless, but he also had to be pathetic too. 

Keith looked like he wanted to say something, but nothing ever came out of his mouth. That said more than enough for Lance. Hands trembling and legs feeling numb, Lance turned his back and left. 

Yesterday's interaction with him wasn't real to Lance anymore. Pushed to the back of his mind, a far-fetched fantasy that he would've thought he had hallucinated. A panic attack wanted to take over to separate himself from the deafening reality. Lance wouldn't let it.

Sometime during his walk to his room, he had realized what he'd been leaving behind him.

Thin sheets of ice were in splotches where he had stepped. "Fuck," he breathed out, his heart nearly stopping. The tracks looked to be disappearing and the oldest parts were already gone, putting him at ease a little.

That didn't mean that Keith hadn't noticed the instant it started happening. Lance didn't even know when he started making the ice. He felt like he was going to be sick.

If Keith saw it...

Lance, using the tiny bit of hope he had left, put it in the possibility that he'd started making it after he left the training room. It hardly helped how anxious he felt. Keith was the very last person he wanted to find out about this, and Lance knew he'd ask about it or alert Allura.

His hands were clammy, waiting for most of the ice to disappear before he opened his door and locked himself inside. 

Lance's entire body was numb. He couldn't get Keith's words out of his head, on repeat like a broken record player. And now he had to deal with the possibility of him finding out about his ice. 

 _''Worthless.''_ There was no way that Keith was the only one who thought that way about him- especially after he'd gone silent when Lance asked. Though he saw his teammates every day, he'd never felt so completely isolated.  

Lance had nothing to make him try to be positive, cheer himself up, or make a joke out of it. Blue had realized the situation and tried to communicate with him, but he closed her off along with everyone else. For now, he was going to let his brain shut off his feelings. How long, he didn't know. All he wanted was to get rid of the painful ache in him and his stubbornness didn't want them to make him cry. Tears were reserved for his family. People that  _actually_  thought he mattered. And Lance wouldn't dare let himself become vulnerable. 

His hand tingled, and he clenched it into a fist. Lance felt the ice in him, urging him to let it escape to compensate for his anxiety. "No," he told himself, grabbing hold of it and taking control the way he remembered. Almost like an extra limb he was learning how to operate, he forcefully moved it away from his hands. Away from where he could accidentally release it. The ice retreated back. To where, he wasn't sure. It was gone and that was all that mattered.

Lance would've felt proud if he didn't feel so  _dead._

The meeting had come to mind, and he checked the clock. It was nearly seven. Hurrying to put on his paladin armor, he rushed down the hall and reached the control room in record time. Nerves a wreck, he blocked Keith out of his line of sight. Lance couldn't handle seeing him. Just being in the room was making him feel like he was in a hostile environment.

Pidge arrived last, and Allura, acknowledging that everyone was there, spoke. "Don't forget, we have no idea what we will be walking in to down there. We have to consider the possibility that their civilization is destroyed. Be on your guard. You all will land a couple of miles away from the area the signal was picked up from, and walk from there. Get in your lions and make your way down. Keith will lead the way to the landing point. Coran and I will be in the castle and be guiding you." 

Lance didn't get any information that he was hoping for. He had to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying anything, accepting that it would be pointless. He supposed he'd find out once they were there, although how inconvenient it was and how unprepared it made him. Lance put the helmet over his head, switching on the comm so that he could communicate with the rest of them, even if he didn't want to. 

Lance got into his lion. To his surprise, she didn't bother him. Blue was quiet as she powered on, Lance steering out of the castle and following the furthest behind. 

While he flew, his eyes focused on the details of the planet. Colors were more vibrant than the hologram version they'd seen, much like Earth. The only differences were that it wasn't as rocky, didn't have as much sea, and had what looked to be veins that were... Black? That didn't seem right. Lance could also see deep, oddly shaped imprints stretching for miles. Since he was still far, he couldn't tell what exactly they looked like, but he knew that they were remains from when the Galra were planted there. 

Lance noticed that there was a lack of greenery too. As he got closer, it seemed like there used to be much more life on the planet. What was left were dark patches tinted on the grounds, decimated light-purple and brown forests torn apart. He could tell that this planet used to be beautiful before the inhabitants were taken over, possibly used like slaves as the Galra had a history with that. 

He didn't want to let himself get upset over it. After all, this planet was one of many others. Seeing it was hard, though. 

Lance was clearly not the only one who had noticed, because he heard Hunk sigh before speaking. "I don't think we're going to find anyone here. Whoever is left is probably hiding." 

Allura responded almost immediately. "We have to try. If we find anyone, we can help them. We need information, and this is our best chance right now." 

No one replied. 

Eventually, they landed, sticking close by to each other. Lance had gotten out first and heard his helmet beep. Once the others had gotten out, he could hear the faint beeping from them as well. Having no idea what that meant, he frowned. 

"The air is toxic. Don't remove your helmet at any cost. It should be able to filter out the toxins for a while, but this means that you have to hurry." 

Great, toxic air. Lance almost wanted to take his helmet off and let it poison him. Maybe he'd go into a coma and not have to deal with all of the bullshit for a while. They could always find someone different, it wasn't like he was important or useful to the others in any way. Unfortunately, it probably wasn't going to happen. Probably. 

They were all following Keith, who looked to be talking to Allura on his comm, looking straight ahead and not saying anything to each other. Usually, during a mission, Pidge, Hunk, and Lance would be talking. The silence was unsettling, adding on to the dark aura the planet gave off. Lance thought that he might be partially responsible for the silence, aware that he was being unusually quiet. But he had no will to say anything unless it was important.

During the trek, he took in his surroundings. The soil was soft, richer looking than the kind on Earth. Every step he took sunk, compacting it together with his weight. Surviving plant life was barely pushed out of the dirt, and it looked wilted. Their colors were a grayish blue, stems wrapped around each other and sprouting intricately-patterned leaves in a spiral shape. The tips of the leaves were slightly curled in on themselves, looking crusted and lifeless. Lance didn't know if that was just now the plants looked, or if it was dying. The latter sounded more likely, given the state of the planet.

They passed very few living trees and, like the plants, they looked to be suffering. The majority of them were further off in the distance, burnt, broken, and hardly recognizable. Lance noticed something else. One of the black veins he'd seen before, now visibly river-like and stretching for what looked like miles.

Lance, his curiosity getting the best of him, waited for them to get ahead of him. The anger he felt towards them didn't help his decision making, more tempted to go against the team.

_'Just for a second.'_

He slowed his pace considerably and started to drift towards one of the black rivers near them. The closer he got, the more details he could make out. It was.. Hypnotizing. The way it flowed, thick and slimy. The substance resembled tar, and Lance got stuck in an indescribable trance once he'd gotten _too_ close. A fog went over his mind, strong want to get closer and closer, an incomprehensible need to  _touch_ it. Put the texture on his skin and submerge himself in it. 

Shapes covered in black bulged from the surface. Some part of his mind was screaming, telling himself to stop, but his limbs kept moving. An arm jutted out from beneath, clumps of the dark substance clinging on to and entirely covering the limb. It desperately grabbed on to the ground, fingers digging into the dark-red dirt that edged the river. Strangely, his breath and movements stayed calm. So sure of himself as he inched closer.

A second arm next to it yanked itself from the tar, holding out its hand, and Lance could hear a disembodied voice in his head. 

_"Come with me."_

Lance was lost in time, having no idea how long he'd spent getting close enough to be able to grab the hand being held out to him. 

 _"You'll belong,"_ it told him over the ringing in his ears. A genuine promise. He would belong with the rest of them, eternally trapped and with the other bodies. Trapped, but not alone. _Not alone..._

Blue forced her presence in his mind, ripping away the intoxicating mind-control Lance had fallen into. Lance sharply inhaled, eyes wide and a scream leaving from the back of his throat as he tried to tear his hand away. 

What was going on? What was he doing? Why... 

Brain imploded with extreme panic and terror, Lance struggled to get his wrist out of the firm lock that the hand had on him. 

"Lance? Lance! This isn't funny! Where are you?!" Lance couldn't tell who's voice it belonged to, too focused on trying to get away from the  _thing_  trying to pull him under. 

Lance finally broke free, falling back from the force, his breaths labored and heavy. The arm tried to pull out further and get a hold of his ankle that was just in its reach, and he hastily pulled it away, kicking himself back until he was far enough that it couldn't touch him. Lance shakily stood, barely able to with how weak his legs felt, stumbling backward, his eyes locked on the corpses. The set of arms released the side of the river and sunk back to the depths where it came from.

"I.. I think I found them." He said breathily, swallowing the lump in his throat. 

"Found who? Lance, where did you go?! We've been looking for you!" Hunk said frantically, "Stay there, buddy. We'll-"

"NO! Don't get near here!" Even though he disliked the others, he still had a soft spot for Hunk, and the thought of any of them getting pulled in to that stuff snapped him out of the disorientated state he was in. "I'll.. I'll explain in a minute. _Don't_ come to where I'm at." 

"Why? What did you-" 

"I'll explain in a minute," Lance repeated, cutting off Pidge.

Now that his mind was clearer, his body started to register a burning around his wrist where he had been grabbed. Lance lifted his arm to inspect, and cringed at the sight he was met with. His semi-calmed nerves went right back to how they felt right after he got away from the tar.

His paladin armor was burned through, his skin visible and charred in marks from the palm and fingers that had been tightly wrapped around. The black from the river was stuck, a thin, stringy layer over the deep, reddish burn. It had gone through enough skin that it didn't hurt except for on the outlines of it, and that was enough for it to hurt a _lot_.

Lance pressed his teeth together hard, eyes searching for the bayard he dropped. Once he found it, he felt only slightly safer. Better than nothing, at least.

"Meet me at first tree we passed." Lance said tightly through his pain, keeping his wrist close to his chest while his other hand held securely on to his bayard.

"Are you hurt? You don't sound too good." Hunk asked, not mentioning the very obvious scream they'd heard.

"I'll be fine." Lance knew he wasn't fine. The black most likely had poisoned him. If the air was toxic, this absolutely was too. What it had done to him only proved that theory more. Lance needed to hurry up and reach the others in case it started to affect him.

Hunk didn't say anything else, which Lance was grateful for. He needed a moment to collect himself and calm down.

The sight of the corpses were engraved in his eyelids, Lance seeing it again every blink. Vomit would have already left him if he wasn't so determined to not get throw up all over the inside of his helmet.

...

Disgusted, he tried to not think about that happening. He was sick enough.

They were already there when he came in to view. Hunk was the first one to rush over, arms out and prepared to catch him in case he fell.

"What happened to you, Lance?" He said, sounding more worried than before. Lance guessed that he might have thought he wasn't actually hurt, and seeing him was a confirmation.

His negative state of mind made him scowl. "I have no idea."

He was forced to quit ignoring Keith when he decided to say something. "Elaborate."

Lance took in a deep breath. "I was walking towards that weird black stuff, just to get a closer look. And then.." He really didn't want to talk about it, but managed to continue. If he didn't, they probably would think he was lying. "It was like something took over my brain, and I lost control of my body. I don't remember what happened afterward except for when I snapped out of it." He left out the fact that it was  _Blue_  that got him out of it. "Someone.. Or something had grabbed me, and wouldn't let go." Lance's anxiety he was fending off returned as the memory came to the surface. The disembodied voice was still ringing in his head as if it had never left.

"It was trying to pull me in, and that's when I.." Bile rose from the back of his throat, and he choked, swallowing it back before any of it could leave.

"We need to get off this planet." Lance didn't want to talk about what he saw, so he tried moving on. "I don't know what that stuff is, but I'm sure  _they're_ responsible. There were so many dead bodies, I don't even.." Lance couldn't finish his sentence, the detail coming from his mouth before he could stop it. His eyes were glued to his wrist, where he had been grabbed.

Blood had begun to seep into the surrounding fabric.

Pidge, who had been quiet the entire time, shuffled. "Lance is right. If there's something potent enough to bypass our helmets filter and cause something like that, we need to get off this planet now."

"No, we haven't gotten any of the information that we need yet. We can avoid that stuff easily. We have to continue the mission." Keith said.

"Have you seen Lance?! He's horrified and injured. We don't know what that stuff does, he needs medical attention _now_. And, according to him, that stuff is full of dead people! This isn't safe." Hunk said, fueling the argument. Lance was reminded of why Hunk was his closest friend, (Other than Blue.) and he felt slightly less hated after he said that.

"This is plenty of information, Keith. This might be new science the Galra are working on. We can collect a sample and leave." Pidge added on.

Lance intervened. "Did you not listen to what I said?! You can't get near that stuff."

"We can send a bot down to collect it for us. Trust me, I don't want to die yet." She responded.

Lance quieted down but was still very much on edge.

"Fine." Keith snapped after a moment. "We'll go back."

Lance felt more than relieved. Hunk looked shocked that Keith had given in. Pidge sighed.

Lance could barely remember how he made it to his lion. Whatever was in his burn started to make him delirious. He had enough sense to connect with Blue and let her take over the fly back, knowing the others would assume it was him flying.

"Thanks, girl." He mumbled to her, and she purred in response. Lance didn't know how he could make it up to her. She had saved his life.

"Lance, are you okay?" Hunk asked. Lance forgot they could still hear him.

"I don't feel good." He answered back honestly, finding it difficult to not lay his head down.

"Hang on, we're almost there. Please don't pass out." Hunk practically begged.

"I.." Lance couldn't form any words, his attempt coming out in jumbled sounds.

A few minutes passed until it became more difficult to handle. His heart was skipping beats loudly in his ringing ears. Parts of his body felt weak one by one until the entirety of it went almost limp, the burning on his wrist becoming numb. His vision spotted, fading in and out. It was impossible to fight and too easy to let happen.

Involuntarily, his mind succumbed to unconsciousness.

 

 

Lance didn't understand what was going on as he was dragged out of his seat and outside Blue. His body felt too weak, not letting him wriggle out of the grasp on him. It didn't take long for his vision to go out once again.

 

 

The next time he'd woken up, he was much more aware. Lance's head felt fuzzy. Not in pain, but fuzzy. Invisible weights were tying him down, preventing him from moving. It took several tries for him to be able to lift his arm, and even when he was able to, it was like he was moving in slow motion. Lance rubbed one of his half-open eyes in attempt to help them open fully, the world still out of focus to him.

As soon as his sight was clear again, he was met with Coran's face.

"He's alive!" Coran said as if announcing it to someone, but from what Lance could tell, he was alone. The voice sounded muffled as if Lance were listening to it underwater.

Lance's eardrum hurt at the yell despite that, the same pain he got when his headphones were too loud. Visibly wincing, Coran hurriedly apologized.

"Don't try moving around too fast. You just got a dose of alien poison out of your system! It's a miracle you're still here."

Without warning, vomit crept from his stomach, and Lance violently lurched, instantaneously regaining his motor skills as he swiftly sat up and let out stomach acid and blood, mixed with a strange dark purple off the side of his bed. Coran seemed to have predicted that happening, as he had placed a small bucket-like tub right next to him.

Lance coughed up the last bits, falling back into a half-sitting up position with a sore throat and cringing at the pain his hand and wrist had responded with when he'd put weight on them while throwing up.

He lifted it to see what it looked like. The wound he had was in a very light pink bandage wrapped firmly around it, covering the burn marks and half of his hand. Done with clear care and precision, Lance could tell it was Allura who had done it. Coran's were always more frantic.

Lance wanted to speak, ask questions, but there was no energy in him that wanted to put effort into it.

Thankfully, Coran recognized his confused look.

"Keith told us what you encountered. Nothing like this has been seen before, so we weren't sure how to treat it." Coran handed him a cup of water that Lance chugged the moment it was given. The sting in his throat went away, but the soreness didn't. "Thankfully, the healing pod and some Altean medicine seemed to do the job. I extracted a sample from your wound."

When Lance didn't reply, he cleared his throat and kept talking, taking the empty cup.

"I'm sure Allura will tell you more about it. She wants to speak to you. In fact, allow me to-"

Lance pushed his voice out, it having to build up before it made any noise. He really didn't feel like talking to anyone, and didn't have the energy to handle anything else. "Please. Not now. Not until I can stand."  Lance had  _just_ woken up. Too much was coming at him.

Coran stopped in his tracks, closing his mouth. Concern was visible in his aging features. "Later, then." He'd given in, going against his princess for Lance's well being.

Lance was glad, and more hope was restored in him. Bitterness filled him at the at the same time. Why did the people closest to him only start to show they care when he was on the verge of death?

Lance was anxious to know how long he'd been asleep and what that substance was, but he pushed it off for once he was strong enough to get on his feet.

Settling on that, he closed his eyes and let himself drift back asleep.

 


	4. Comatose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

Pidge was the first person to meet his eyes when they finally opened.

Glee appeared on her face, close up enough that Lance could tell she was expecting it.

"He's alive!" She cheered, and Lance flinched. Seriously, again?

Coran hushed her and she apologized in the same fashion Coran had when he'd done the same thing.

"How long?" Was the first thing to leave his mouth. He felt much better now that he had gotten more rest. Speaking came more easily and so did moving, reaching his hand up to push his unkempt hair from his eyes. Vision returned to him faster as well, along with being more aware.

"How long you've been out?" Pidge hummed, quietly repeating the question. Counting on her fingers, she came to an answer, "About a week."

Lance wanted to care that he'd missed that much time. Instead, he was glad. There was a chance Keith had forgotten about his ice if he saw it, and that he thought about their argument and wanted to avoid him. Two things he hoped for, but with the way things were going, it didn't seem like he'd get lucky.

Lance didn't have enough luck for Keith to think he was just going crazy if he  _had_ seen, or be able to always avoid him until crucial moments.

Whatever optimism in him was once again crushed by his ruthless reality. Anxiety over what had happened in such a short amount of time was suddenly weighing on him.

Unwanted memories were starting to pile. Things he couldn't recall under the influence of the tar were coming back, piece by piece. 

_Lance getting closer to the stretched out, offering hand. Wanting to come with it, listening and abiding by the external, welcoming voice. The sudden release by Blue, and not being able to get away.._

The terror that he felt when he was about to be pulled in was returning in familiarity with what happened. Lance's wrist pain went from sore to _burning_  in the same way it had after he'd escaped. Faint pressure was present as well. If it wasn't for the bandage covering the burn, he would've thought that the hand was still wrapped around his wrist in a death grip.

_Never alone._

Lance's thoughts didn't go any further when Allura came in through the door. Returning to his senses, he vaguely remembered being told that she wanted to talk to him, so when she locked eyes with him, he mentally prepared himself.

Staring at his bandage to maintain reality, he recognized for the second time that Allura was the one to patch it. Memories prior to when he last passed out were gradually returning. Knowing that, he was a bit less scared. If she knew anything about what was happening to him or believed that he deliberately failed the mission, she wouldn't have done that for him. Based on the time that she knew her, she held a grudge and her trust faltered easily.

If she didn't know about his ice, that meant Keith either didn't know or he decided to keep it to himself.

Or maybe Lance was wrong about her turning on him that fast.

Fear and paranoia were at an all-time high, the argument with Keith increasing it. He didn't trust anyone, and his mind was scattered with ideas and possibilities all running through his mind at once.

Getting mind-controlled and almost pulled in to a mass of corpses nearly ruined his state of mind on top of this. It was already semi-ruined before, but that was the icing on the cake. He found irony in what he'd thought before he wandered off, so close to believing that something _wouldn't_  go wrong and he _wouldn't_  get poisoned by the air on that cursed planet. Dry laughter left him at how ridiculous everything sounded, playing back to him in his head. It was difficult to believe that it was real- that _he_  was real. Time truly flies; It felt like only yesterday he was accepted into the Garrison and moved away from his family in Cuba.

Pidge had exited. He hadn't seen it, but he had heard the soft, paced sound of her footsteps and the panel door sliding open and closed.

"Lance, are you.." Allura started, but her sentence fell flat when Lance snapped his eyes back to bore into hers, silently blaming her for what had happened.

"First and foremost, I would like to apologize," she inhaled deeply, "I shouldn't have sent you all on that mission. I was desperate, and my judgment was clouded. As soon as I found out you all were in a toxic environment, I should've commanded you all to return immediately until we at least had better equipment and knew what we were dealing with. And I'm sorry it cost you your well-being."

Lance was annoyed at her use of ' _commanded_ '. Her whatever-I-say-goes attitude showing even in an apology where that was the cause of the situation. The dwindling bright side of him wanted to accept, though. Allura was trying and owning up to her mistakes, a rarity for her.

In an alternate universe, maybe he would've broken down. Maybe he would've gotten angry, lashed out and rejected the apology, told her to fuck off for sending them off to that planet.

In this one? The war inside his head didn't show. Lowering his gaze, he slowly sat up, pushing himself upwards with his non-injured hand, his eyes tired and heavy.

"I'm sorry for messing up, too. I shouldn't have walked off like that." Like a switch, he was back to blaming himself.

Because it _was_ partiall his fault. He shouldn't have walked off. If Lance wasn't such an _idiot_ , they might have found someone and gotten important information for the war. _'Worthless, worthless, worthless..'_

For some reason, the relax and satisfaction in her features caused an ache in his chest. Had he wanted her to care more? He wasn't sure. A dark, unidentifiable feeling was dumped in the pit in the back of his mind subconsciously.

"So, while you've been out, we've done some scans. I don't know if you'd want to know-" Straight to the point.

Lance knew where this was leading. At that, he thought that probably was her intent the entire time, only apologizing so he'd let his guard down and be more willing to talk about what had happened. Realizing it didn't change that he was going to have to explain it to her, manipulation or not.

"I want to know," he said bluntly, cutting off her potential unintentional degrading of him. _Of course_  he wanted to know. He got knocked out for an entire week due to it and had to deal with the trauma of the incident.

"At first, we thought it was a chemical weapon the Galra had created. But when scanned in the lab, we found... Nothing. The scans didn't even know it existed, other than it's weight. That left only one material left. We found out it was corrupted, heavily modified quintessence. We don't know how. It doesn't seem possible.." She paused in thought. A few seconds later, she shook her head. "But that's besides the point. I need you to tell me what exactly it did to you if you can remember."

Lance's prediction proved correct. He decided he would keep it short, not wanting to recall it in the first place.

Meeting her anticipating gaze, he spoke, "I went to inspect one of the black veins I had seen before. Just to get a look because I wanted to know what exactly it was. I don't know how far away I was before it started to affect me, but it did." He figured she'd want to know how far away he was, so he got that out of the way. "The river was.. _Hypnotizing_. It drew me closer. I noticed figures moving down it. Corpses."

Allura flinched.

"That didn't get me to stop. I let one of them grab me. It spoke to me." He halted, reluctant to tell her that part. It posed as a danger, though, and Lance wasn't idiotic enough to leave out something that crucial if it meant they could use it to take precautionary measures against it. It was obvious that the Galra were using it for something bad, and they needed to be able to defend themselves against whatever it was.

"Spoke to you?" Allura must have noticed his reluctance, prompting him to finish.

"Not speaking, like we are. A voice in my head that didn't belong to me, telling me that I wouldn't be alone and to come with them."

"That's..." Allura furrowed her brows in thought. "It may be a type of advanced hallucinogenic."

"What do you mean?" That seemed more likely than it being an actual entity, but it didn't explain how it sounded like someone he'd never heard before or the thing that grabbed him.

"Lance, we sent a drone down to inspect what you could be talking about. And... There was no one in that substance like you had talked about."

A sinking sensation instantly took over him, a sharp chill in his blood. Could he not even trust his own memories now? What if something this was permanent? Did they not believe him? The last thought was irrational, yet he believed it due to the panic that had set in him. 

"Do you not.." His voice wavered, trailing off.

"Lance, we believe you." She said firmly. "If there was truly nothing there, then you wouldn't have almost gotten pulled in. Your burn is evidence enough." That lessened his panic by a lot the second she finished that sentence, but not entirely.

Lance's rationality returned to him, a slight comfort in his mess of a mind.

"I should warn you of a few things." She shifted the topic. "You were exposed to corrupted quintessence with unknown properties. While you were asleep, you had at least five convulsions. We managed to flush out the corrupted quintessence, but you may still feel sick for a while and have mood swings due to its effects."

The second side effect, mood swings, wasn't anything new for him. Allura looked like she wanted to say more, and Lance felt like she was hiding something. No, not felt, he _knew_  she was hiding something. It was written in her face, the way her lips parted and her face in slight confusion as if about to ask something before she stopped. Lance's gut twisted.

What wasn't she telling him? His best guess was that she found out about his issue while he was out. Frustrated, he hated that she wasn't being honest and not telling him about something that concerned him. Ice prickled under his skin.

Everything was too overwhelming. "Am I allowed to leave?" Using _allowed_  as some irony to humor her dictator-like attitude. The sarcasm slipped impulsively. Lance didn't say anything about what she said, suddenly wanting to get out of the stuffy care room. The plain, sterile walls were making him feel caged. 

Allura appeared to not have noticed the sarcasm, because she didn't react. Or she let it slide. Either way, Lance concluded that he didn't care.

"If you're able to stand, I suppose. It'll be good to work your muscles. It'll be difficult, just to warn you. The quintessence took a toll on your body and you've barely moved for an entire week."

At that, Lance attempted to stand.

Carefully, he inched himself to the side of his bed, sitting up fully. His stomach cramped up. The more he moved, the sorer he felt, wincing at every movement that was a bit too fast. Determined, he urged his legs off the side of the bed and let his feet touch the floor.

Lance pressed weight on them and staggered, nearly falling in the process. Right when he was about to, he managed to regain his balance on his own. The small accomplishment helped his bad mood. 

Standing had caused him to realize how icky he felt, his hair in greasy strands stuck to his oily forehead. It also made him notice that he was only in his underwear, which made him abruptly _very_ self-conscious. Looking down at his body and feeling his hair, he made a disgusted face at how badly he needed to shower. 

"Coran wants you to come back every couple of days so he can reassess you. The bandage is waterproof and can withstand a lot, so it won't have to be replaced too often. There are clothes in the drawer under your bed. I'll leave you be." After telling him that, Allura exited, not waiting for any response.

It didn't take much longer until Lance was out too. Like she had said, there were clothes for him. They were a little baggy and looked a lot like the outfits nurses had on Earth. The shirt and pair of pants for him were a dark blue-gray, thin and the material reminding him of the sheet he was laying on.

Lance wondered where the outfit and the medicine Coran had been talking about had come from, as he'd never seen them. They must have been from somewhere in storage, not ever needing to be used until his burn. The wounds they've gotten so far had never been as severe as the thing that sent him in a coma and didn't need to be specially treated. The healing pod and bandages were always enough. Before that, he always thought that the healing pods were some all-curing magical things that could pull them from any injury. This proved his assumption wrong. 

Showering would give him time alone to collect himself and increase his motor functions. Later, he'd have to find out about his paladin armor and if it'd been fixed yet. Lance knew that it wasn't good for him to want to train post poison and coma, yet there was a dark, resilient want that he needed to let out in a fight. Plus, Allura said it would be good for him to move around. She never specified how much and if there was a limit. 

His walk was unsteady, his legs not yet re-accustomed to being used. The hallway wall had to be a support for him, trying his best to only use it when he was about to fall. After what felt like an hour, he finally reached his destination. Unsurprisingly, his room was still encased in ice. No signs showed that anything had been bothered, meaning that no one had gotten in. Lance sighed in relief.

Lance removed his temporary clothing and chucked it to his bed, planning on returning it later. Getting his usual attire out of his closet and a towel, he removed his boxers and turned on the shower as hot as he could handle before stepping in. The cold feeling in him still hadn't gone away, and Lance would rather not deal with an accidental leak. He hadn't tested it before, but he was hoping that the heat would help. 

Several seconds passed. Slowly but surely, the freezy feeling started to thaw. It must've been part of why he was so on edge because once it had died down considerably, he was more at peace. Being alone and feeling better, it gave him time to think.

Lance would prove to them that he wasn't worthless. He'd already spent an entire week being that. The missing time had also delayed him understanding his ice. Lance was aware that something could have happened with that while he was out. Since he was able to eavesdrop about them knowing about the temperature drop, Lance was bent on doing the same thing to find about whether or not they knew. Whatever Allura was hiding from him, Lance _would_  find out. Especially if she knew anything about his ice. 

All he needed was a plan to do that. Sneaking around was natural for Lance. It was all he did in the Garrison and the skill was proving more and more useful. 

Lance started the outline. There was one person Allura would absolutely go to with information and advice. That person was Coran, and although he loved him and was one of the people he liked the most, he might have to invade his privacy a bit and listen in to his conversations with Allura. 

Allura was closed off, and he never knew where she went when she wasn't in the control room or when they were in battle. He knew there was a simulation she had where she talked to her ghost dad but he never saw her leave in the direction to there. Coran sometimes disappeared too. He'd have to follow one of them and keep tabs to see where they went. Lance was hoping that at some point he'd catch both of them speaking together about what he wanted to know, predicting that it would be sometime soon as he'd just woken up. 

 _Speaking of just waking up..._  Thinking back to what Allura had told him, Lance grinned. She had mentioned a lab. Since they were still studying the substance that nearly killed him, he figured they'd be in there often. Lance wouldn't have to sneak around as much as he originally thought, and whatever was in there could have more stuff in addition to what he was looking for. 

Though that required a break-in, it saved a lot of time and it was much more of an organized plan. Lance was more confident in what he was doing. His mood a bit more brightened, he washed his hair and body (twice, just to make sure) and stepped out of the shower. 

The mirror was fogged up. Lance hadn't looked at it when he walked in, not wanting to see how disastrous he looked. Taking a shower _had_  to of made him look at least a little better, and he was concerned about how ugly he looked. So, using the side of his non-wrapped hand, he wiped the fog away to see his reflection. 

Lance's face looked less full, dark bags under his eyes and standing out against the unhealthy paleness of his naturally tan skin. His eyes were glassy and lifeless, lips chapped and dry. He opened his mouth, pulling the side of it back with his finger to look at his teeth. They had yellowed slightly, and he frowned. The rest would be fixed with time, but Lance could at least brush his teeth. 

Lance spent a bit trying to make himself look more... Normal. He was depressed and sickly, yet he still was able to urge himself to keep himself together physically. Lance didn't want to look as much of a mess that he was on the inside. Keith and the rest of them would see him as even more _worthless_. Drying off and getting dressed, he left his room. 

The moment he stepped out, he was startled. Hunk was there, waiting beside his door. Lance's heart raced, acknowledging the risk of him seeing the igloo that was his room. The universe sided with him with this one, as he didn't notice. Hunk was too focused on him and quickly pulled Lance into a hug. 

Lance winced, his injury not enjoying the sudden pressure as Lance had been suddenly pulled in. He appreciated it, though, and Hunk released him after a moment. Hunk's contact remained with his hands on Lance's shoulders.

"I thought you _died_! They wouldn't let me into the weird room you were in after I pulled you out of Blue, and when I tried listening, you were _screaming_ , and then even the day after, they still didn't let me see until the day before today.." He started to ramble. 

Screaming? Lance didn't ask. "Did anything happen while I was out?" He asked instead, focusing on what he was concerned about. 

"No, thank god. Allura warped away from that planet. She thinks we should go back after you're better. Keith and her got in an argument." He dropped the hold on Lance's shoulders.

That piqued his interest. "What over?" 

"Over what happened to you. Allura was upset that he didn't notify her immediately when you went missing. Keith thought that they could've handled it, and insisted that they did and she wouldn't have been able to do anything. Me and Pidge left before we listened to any more of it. Got too awkward." Hunk said, making a face at the last bit. 

Lance was upset that she was considering returning. There were other freed planets they could search on. Other planets that _weren't_ highly toxic and dangerous. They had gotten what they needed from there. Going back was risky and unnecessary. If this was over the potential survivors, Allura needed to re-evaluate herself.

Call him noncompassionate, but he'd gone through enough and there were too many issues that came with landing there again. They didn't have time for this. Their chances were much better regarding their lives and information-wise on a different planet. Allura had apologized for her clouded judgment, yet it was being clouded _again_. Lance hoped that she realized this before he'd woken up, or that she would soon. Or else Lance would have to say something about it. 

Sometimes Allura and Keith needed another voice, and Lance was that voice when it came to important stuff like this. Even if they made fun of him a lot and normally ignored what he had to say, he _had_  saved the team on multiple occasions and could be a leader when it mattered. Not black-paladin leader, but a leader nonetheless. Shiro's disappearance was the start of that. 

Hunk spoke again after Lance's lack of response. "Besides, that.. Are you doing okay? We've been really worried." 

Lance snapped out of his thoughts at his question. "Yeah. I'm fine, don't worry about me." Lance forced a smile, "I wouldn't let myself die from some stupid toxin. If I'm gonna go out, it'll be in a blaze of glory." He said, and the smile became genuine when Hunk returned it. 

"I wouldn't let you go out. We're _all_  going home someday, Lance. No matter what it takes." 

And for some reason, those words hung heavy in the air. A promise that Lance knew could be broken at any moment. Lance's heart squeezed, and tears he didn't know he was repressing blurred his vision. Part of his constant loneliness and self-hate was lifted after hearing that, realizing that Hunk was the one person in their corner of the universe that _wouldn't_  throw him away like trash. He cared, and it seemed like he was the only person that he could trust that did. 

"If I'm not allowed to die, then you aren't either. You're right. All of us are gonna live through this. No Galra stands a chance." His smile got bigger, clear determination in him.

 

Before anything else could be said, the alarms above them blared. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a lot calmer in comparison to the last one, sorry if it was boring! this was to give Lance some time to collect himself and think. 
> 
> i welcome critiques!! pls comment your thoughts<3 
> 
> the next update will be sometime next week


	5. Lying and Forgiving

Not having the ability to fight was _really_ getting to Lance.  
  
Hunk had snapped in to action immediately, their sappy moment ruined by the alarm. When Lance attempted to join, Allura told him that he " _wasn't even close_ " to healed enough for battle and that his armor wasn't fixed. So Lance ended up standing idly in the control room where Coran was putting up the particle barrier- not even allowed to help vocally!  
  
She had a point, there wasn't much for him to do. Lance just couldn't stand not being able to prove himself after being trapped in a room unconscious for an entire week.  
  
The most he could do was listen, and ask questions. "Who is sending ships after us?! And how did they know where we were at in the first place?" His last question, his brain answered for him as soon as it left him.  
  
The planet.  
  
"Was it the planet? I thought.." Lance started. (Would be nice if he knew the name of it, he was getting sick of calling it "the planet")  
  
Coran shook his head. "There must've been some Galra activity left. We can't go back now. We need to warp as far as we can the second they can buy us some time."  
  
Lance wanted nothing more than to go out there and help. He was getting jittery, eager to fight back. "How many are there?"  
  
"Four small ones, but it'll be enough to track us once they get the chance."  
  
Lance didn't say anything else. Waiting in exasperation, he paced back and forth while listening to the conversation he wasn't apart of on the comms.  
  
At least now he had a better argument to get far away from that place.  
  
It wasn't much longer until they had returned. As soon as he saw Allura, he spoke.  
  
"We need to leave, now." The words slipped from his mouth before anyone could say anything else.  
  
His heart leaped, expecting to get put down. Instead, he got a look of shock from her. Lance didn't bother looking at the rest of them, taking that as a cue to continue. "This is a dead end. We already got something valuable from that place, and I don't know if you've forgotten, but it was nearly at the expense of my life." Anger was obvious in his words. He didn't stop there. "If you keep us here, everyone's life will be at risk. Anyone left there is a lost cause. We're wasting time. There has to be another planet that isn't as dangerous."  
  
Allura didn't say anything, looking away with a hard look on her face. Lance's chest felt lighter after saying that, though racing and panicky in the risk he took with it.  
  
Surprisingly, it was Keith who said something. "It's hard to say this, but.." He sighed. "Lance has a point. There's not even a guarantee that anyone is there. We could be risking our lives for nothing, and we're wasting time that can be spent somewhere else where there  _are_ people. And those were Galra. They know where we are."  
  
Keith was.. Agreeing with him? Lance stubbornly wanted to stay upset at him, but when his eyes locked on his, there was a flash of sadness on Keith's face before it returned to being stoic. Lance almost thought he was hallucinating again.  
  
"You're... Right. I'll warp us to another system. Our chances are better there."  
  
Now Lance _really_ thought he could be hallucinating. Allura giving in that fast and listening to them didn't seem real. True to her word, she opened up a wormhole without a sound.  
  
Nausea he got after every warp was muted by his enthusiasm.  
  
And then the fear came back, crushing his moment of happiness. Too many things were going right. It was only a matter of time before something bad happened.

  
Coran was checking what looked to be a map, then running a radio scan. His features were tight in stress, then loosened after a moment. "Looks like none followed us in. There aren't any more nearby."  
  
The new system they were in, he observed, was brighter. Many more visible stars off to the distance, and planets were closer, one in particular slightly obscuring their view. From what Lance could tell, it looked to be a gas giant, reminding him of a miscolored Saturn.  
  
"Could we drop in on a swap moon? We could ask questions. The map reads one nearby." Pidge spoke after a strange silence, a tablet in her arm.  
  
Considering that swap moons had a lot of different alien races from different planets, that would be a good place to start. Lance really wanted to get off of the stupid ship too. Last time he had freedom, he nearly was killed. Swap moons were a lot safer than a random post-war planet.  
  
"We don't know if Galra runs it or not," Hunk said.  
  
"They won't know it's us at first glance. Also, they're like normal Earth malls! Even if it were taken over, which is very unlikely, I doubt there will be Galra checking everyone to see if they happen to be a paladin of Voltron." She argued.  
  
"That could work. It's faster than just waiting for us to happen to pick up signals." Allura said. "We'd have to be disguised, though."  
  
"Space pirates?" Pidge prompted helpfully.  
  
"That again?" Hunk groaned.  
  
"It's the easiest!"  
  
"I guess.."  
  
"We need bribing money. They won't just give us information for free." Keith said. A clear unasked question 'Do we even have any money?' present with it.  
  
_'We could always put a gun in their face and say that if they don't want to die, they can tell us what...'_  
  
Lance's train of thought halted, and he stuffed it firmly into a box in the back of his head. Why would he think of ever doing something like that? It didn't feel like it belonged to him in the slightest.  
  
Lance's heart thumped irregularly in his chest. The burning returned. Snapping his eyes at his bandaged wrist, he had unknowingly blocked out the discussion going on around him.  
  
_"Breathe. Let me **breathe**."_  
  
The voice he had heard at the river echoed, deafeningly loud, the reverb overpowering the sounds of the outside world. Like a ghost possessing him, his hand reached up to the bandage where it looked to finish wrapping, digging his nails under and roughly tearing it up. The indescribable fog from the river had taken back over, turning his head into mush.  
  
"Lance! What are you doing-"  
  
Lance couldn't identify whose voice it was, but it was what brought him back. Blinking out of his daze, he pulled his fingers away from another tear he was making mid-way. "I..."   
  
Hunk had grabbed his arm, probably to stop him in case he decided to touch it again. Lance reflexively flinched back the second he made contact, Hunk releasing his hold. Lance watched a cloud of icy air escape Hunk's mouth. "You're _freezing_." He breathed out. "What's wrong with him?"   
  
Allura locked her eyes with him. "Lance. Let's go back."

  
Coran had come, too. Lance was sitting on the bed he previously occupied. The bandage had been removed, and Lance was revolted at how infected and damaged it looked.  
  
It didn't look to have healed at all. In fact, it looked slightly worse. The stringy tar he had seen when it initially appeared was gone, but the wound was stained with black entirely.  
  
"Why did you start taking it off?" She asked, breaking the quietness in the room as Coran started putting an odd gel on it. The burning hadn't gone away, and Lance could almost see the hand wrapped around his wrist again. Oddly, it didn't hurt any more than it already did when Coran touched it.  
  
There was no point in lying. He had to tell them. If he didn't, they wouldn't be able to help. He knew this, yet it was hard. A deep, eerie feeling sat in him as if something would go very, very wrong if he told them.  
  
"I don't know. I.. It moved on its own." The half-lie was said easily. The sickness in his gut kept him from saying anything more. It was true. Kind of. Lance didn't know why or how that happened. He was only leaving out details. Lance noted mentally that she didn't mention the cold as a new side effect when she asked him that question. _Add that on to evidence to justify his suspicion_.  
  
She pursed her lips in thought, sighing. "We can't leave you unsupervised, then. I thought you would be fine, but there's clearly something more serious going on with this."  
  
He was going to be  _babysat_ now? Lance understood why, but he was still annoyed. This was going to cause too many problems for him. One of those being that it would be might be much more difficult to get into the lab if that included watching him sleep. And, another issue that came with being watched at night was that his room was completely covered in ice. Lance would be totally _screwed_.   
  
"Who? And what about when I shower or sleep?" Lance said, making it sound more like he was concerned about his privacy by adding 'shower'. Which he _was_ concerned about, just not as much as his plans getting ruined.  
  
"I made preparations just in case. I discussed it with them while you were unconscious. Keith volunteered."  
  
Lance choked on his own spit. During his coughing fit, thoughts raced through his mind. _'Keith?!'_ Why him?! After what he said, he was volunteering to babysit him? The universe _truly_ hated him. Was this his way of saying sorry? Keith siding with him earlier suddenly made more sense. Why did Keith care anyway?! He tried to keep them on that stupid planet and let Lance _die_ because of a stupid mission! Of all people..!  
  
"I don't have a say in this, do I?" He said as soon as he was physically able to quit coughing, his voice hoarse.  
  
"Considering your state, no." She responded honestly. "You won't have to be supervised while you 'shower and sleep', until something else happens that deems it necessary."  
  
Lance was relieved, but he still couldn't shake off the fact that he would be stuck with Keith. The one person he was trying to avoid. He also couldn't ignore the 'until' in her sentence. Lance couldn't control when his sickness decided to take action, so that meant he really needed to figure out how to get his room out of its igloo state.   
  
"Didn't Hunk volunteer?"  
  
"He was afraid that he'd panic if anything were to happen to you and not be able to get help in time."   
  
Okay, that sucked, but that reasoning was better than Hunk saying flat out that he didn't want to deal with him.   
  
"When will I be stuck with him?" Lance didn't want it to start today. He wanted time to prepare. There wasn't really anything to prepare for physically, but mental preparation mattered just as much.   
  
"Tomorrow morning. He'll be waiting outside your door. If you're not out before nine, he'll knock. If you don't answer, he'll be forced to break in."   
  
That sounded like prison. Keith was a police officer, escorting him outside his freezer cell and never taking his eyes off him the entire day.   
  
Allura pursed her lips. "I can tell you don't like it. Know it's for your safety, Lance. You can pretend he's not there at all if it helps."   
  
Coran finished re-bandaging his hand, the wrap a bit tighter than how it was before as if it would make it harder for him to take it off again. "Hopefully we can remove it in a couple of weeks, just as long as it heals properly," Lance doubted it would, "We have stuff for scarring, but it's severe enough that I don't think it can do much." Coran said.  
  
Lance appreciated the honesty. At this point, he didn't really care about scarring. He just wanted it to stop hurting and not have to worry about it anymore.   
  
"What time is it?" Drowsy, he wanted to sleep. Lance also wanted to have an excuse to get out of there and avoid Allura in case she wanted to ask any more questions. Coran was about to check when Lance sped up the process.  "Doesn't matter, I'm tired," Lance said shortly, getting up.   
  
When neither of them stopped him for anything, he left.   
  
That night, Lance made extra sure that no one would be around to see the inside of his room when the door opened.

  
  
His sleep was as restless as ever.   
  
Lance was re-living when he'd almost gotten pulled in to the river. Except for this time, he never tried to escape the corpse holding on to him.   
  
_"Aren't you warm? You won't feel cold ever again."_  
  
Lance screamed inside his head, his vocal cords forever unusable in the dream. His body was limp, being puppeteered by the mind-control. His limbs felt squishy, any attempt to move them faltered by the invisible weights. For the arm, the weights were no problem. It dragged him in without a fight, head first.   
  
The corpse was right, it was warm. As Lance submerged, he felt pressure all around him, reminding him of a weighted blanket. In an incomprehinsable way, it made him feel _safe_.   
  
The internal fight stopped.  
  
There was no point in trying. This was his fate, and with the thousands of soft whispers around him coming from the bodies he was drifting with, _it wasn't so bad._  
  
Lance was abruptly proven wrong. So, so wrong. The breath Lance held was released, and when his lungs attempted to take in oxygen, the toxic substance was sucked in instead.  
  
The pain was nearly indescribable, carving in to his pores and the tar making its way in to every inch of his body. It burned from the inside out, starting with his retinas and seeping in to his skull. He felt every bit of the destruction it caused, eating in to his organs and melting his muscles until it reached his skin. Lance should have died, ending the pain, yet it didn't stop, continuing until there was nothing left of him for him to feel.  
  
_'You'll drown, too.'_  
  
Liquid rose from inside of him, escaping his mouth, and then he could _breathe again_. Light coming from his bathroom helped him realize he was awake. His breaths came out in shuddered gasps, his clothes and sheets drenched, but he was _alive_. Pain lingered in him as pins and needles.  
  
His first instinct was to go to the bathroom, where it was light, away from the darkness where he could be blinded in the same way he was when he was in the river.  
  
Lance's bare feet hit the ground as he stood, expecting to feel the slippery texture of ice. Instead, he was met with liquid.  
  
Falling back on to his bed, he looked at his floor. The faint light illuminating the room reflected off the surface of the water. It swayed slightly from the sudden contact, then stilled.   
  
Reaching to his throat, he squinted through his slightly blurred vision. Had that all come from his mouth?  
  
No, that didn't make sense. The ice must have melted. Lance couldn't tell if he was concerned or relieved. The pain he had felt in his dream felt so  _real,_ unforgettable, and he woke up throwing up water. He couldn't breathe in his dream because he was drowning in the tar, and when he threw up he was able to again. Lance wasn't sure if it meant his water had nearly drowned him, or if it saved him.   
  
How was it possible for him to feel that? This was the 'until' that Allura was talking about.  
  
No, he could handle this. He couldn't tell her until he figured more out.  
  
Repressing the memory of the nightmare, he focused.  
  
Lance got back up, his footsteps swishing the shallow water. He flipped the light switch, fully revealing his room.  
  
It was bad, but not _too_ bad. Clean up would require a lot of towels. Lots. Lance was trapped in his room until he could get rid of it. Opening the door would release it, much like how he expected it to the first day his room was frozen. So, towels were out of the question. That would require leaving his room. Lance struggled to think of any other solutions. If he knew how to control it, this wouldn't be a problem.  
  
That thought gave Lance the idea of taking this as an opportunity to practice.  
  
Glancing at the clock, he had some time. It was nearly six am, giving him a couple of hours to clean up before Keith would knock. Going over, he quickly set it to go off a few minutes before nine.  
  
As he was already soaked, he sat in the spot he usually did in the middle of his room, not minding the water.  
  
Water was ice, but in liquid form and not as cold. Meaning, he couldn't handle it the same way he did with his ice. Not unless he wanted to risk re-freezing his room. But.. It would feel similar to the way it did when he created ice, right? Less sharp, more flowy. That's what made the most sense.  
  
Lance closed his eyes, going in to his mediating state. His palms hovered slightly over the lake that covered his floor, first wanting to urge it in to a spherical-like shape. That sounded easiest. Lance started off with using the same technique he used with the ice, allowing himself to link with the water surrounding him.  
  
A sensation very similar to the kind he got with ice begun to take over him after some time of waiting. It took over, but Lance was able to maintain some awareness. Instead of pushing it from his hands, he pulled with the flowing inside, attracting instead of creating.  
  
There was a drip, and a rushing sound. Lance didn't feel anything on his skin, but there was a pressure in the air against his palm.  
  
Lance opened his eyes. The sphere wasn't perfect in the slightest, smaller than his hand, rumbling and trembling, but it was still there. Lance controlled his breathing, refusing to let it get ruined by his excitement like last time.  
  
It was like a sixth sense he was holding on to, hovering the ball of water under his hand. He allowed over a minute to pass before letting go.  
  
As soon as he released the sensation, it lost its shape and fell back in to the rest of the water in hundreds of tiny droplets.  
  
"That was a lot easier.." He mumbled to himself. He was getting the hang of this! In a slightly better mood at his success, he got back up.  
  
Lance could try to move it in to the drain, using his ability, but that would take too long and he didn't have much time. So, he went in to his bathroom. Thankfully, he had a bucket for when he broke his sink (thousands of years old technology failed sometimes!) and had to keep it to collect the water.  
  
Already being there, he started with the bathroom floor, beginning the struggling task of scooping the water from the floor and putting it down his bathtub's drain.  
  
His room wasn't that big, so it didn't take too long. Eventually, his thoughts dissociated him from the repetitive movements. There came a point where he had to use his remaining clean towels, the water becoming too shallow to get with the bucket.  
  
He managed to get almost all of it up by the time the alarm rang. Peeling off his wet clothes, he rushed to shower and ready himself, having to put on his change of clothes without drying off since his towels were completely soaked.  
  
It was uncomfortable but not too noticeable, and he'd air dry after an hour or so of being up.  
  
Lance had been really pushing with making Keith wait, but Lance didn't want to be stuck with him all day. He was dreading it, anxious about being forced to be around him.  
  
Lance, trying to look at the bright side, guessed that it would be easier to find out if he'd seen the ice after their argument. Could that be why Keith volunteered? Maybe he wanted to interrogate him, or catch him doing it again.  
  
His paranoid thoughts only made him feel worse about it. Lance was getting better at controlling it now! He shouldn't worry as much. That was his attempt at reassuring himself.  
  
Lance forced himself to open his door. If it wasn't for the ice melting, he would've left much, much earlier to prevent Keith seeing inside. He figured he had just arrived.  
  
As expected, Keith was there. Their eyes locked. Lance didn't say a word, biting back a sigh in attempt to not be rude. He didn't say anything, _what was there to say?_ , walking down the hall.  
  
"You haven't eaten," Lance heard from behind him. He stopped walking.  
  
"Why does it matter?" It wasn't like he had much of an appetite after everything that happened.  
  
"Coran wants you to eat. Your body needs to be at full strength to fight the infection, and you look practically dead."  
  
Lance turned around. Infection was a _very_ light way to put it. He knew Coran didn't say that last part about him looking dead. "You don't look any better," he said, even though Keith looked almost the same except for looking a little more tired than usual.  
  
Keith didn't look like he wouldn't let him go unless Lance tried. Lance crossed his arms, going in the direction of the kitchen. Ahead of Keith the whole time because Lance could get there _himself_ , thank you very much.  
  
Keith already had a plate set out for him on the dining table, a small gesture that made Lance a tiny bit less annoyed. He sighed, sitting down in the chair the food was set in front of.  
  
It was.. Awkward. Keith was waiting, watching him from the opposite side of the table to make sure he ate. Not even sitting with him. Lance was uncomfortable being monitored like that.  
  
Looking at the food goo, Lance doubted he could stomach anything after the nightmare he had. "I don't think I can right now," Lance said after a few moments. He had no desire to put the stuff in his mouth, and was afraid that it would come right back up if he did.

Keith looked ready to fight him on this.

"Don't we have to get ready for the swap moon, too? I'll eat later." Lance prompted the compromise. Arguing with Keith was the last thing he wanted to do.  
  
Keith shoved his hands in his pockets, leaving his thumbs out. "Fine," he said, giving in.  
  
Lance was relieved, noticing the sign that he was trying to not argue, too.  
  
That made him feel more safe with the question he wanted to ask. It could've been too soon, but he wanted to know.  
  
"Why did you volunteer?"

When Keith didnt answer immediately, Lance added on. "Hunk, or even Pidge could have done it instead. Allura knows how badly we get along, so you would have been the last choice. So, why?" He didn't let him know that he was told that Keith insisted, wanting to get more of an answer than what Allura had given him.  
  
Keith pondered his question, eyes at the ground.   
  
"I felt bad, okay?" He said after a long silence, looking back up. "I shouldn't have called you worthless. You've actually helped us a lot, Lance. And I shouldn't have tried continuing that mission. I was being stubborn, and didnt realize how bad it was until Hunk pointed it out. I just got.. desperate."  
  
Lance thought he would end it there, but he didn't.  
  
"Shiro's been gone, and I'm frustrated that we've barely gotten anywhere with finding him, and how we haven't done anything in awhile. And then you.." He trailed off, a look Lance couldn't identify on his face.  
  
"It gave me a lot of time to think. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I don't want you to die, Lance. I didn't want your last memories being of me calling you worthless and then nearly killing you. This is my way of making up for it, I guess. Making sure you don't die."  
  
Out of everything Keith could have said, that was the last thing he expected. It was absolutely _bizarre_. Keith didn't want him to die? He  _didn't_  think Lance was trash to be replaced? Keith thought he was worth something?  
  
Lance's doubts caught up with him. That part could have been false. He might feel bad for saying it since he almost died, but still believed it.  
  
The rest was more believable, since Keith wouldn't have volunteered otherwise. But Lance doubted that, too, his previous suspicions and paranoia making him think of the possibility that he was lying about all of it.  
  
Keith looked so.. Sincere, though. Lance didn't think he would go that far and sound so honest if he was lying. Maybe Keith  _did_ care and  _did_ want to be better.  
  
"Okay," Lance blurted.  
  
Keith looked almost offended that that's all Lance had to say. "Okay?"  
  
"If I do die, don't blame yourself," Lance said, serious.  
"I don't think I will, though."  
  
Keith didn't have anything to say to that.  
  
"I need to ask Pidge for my disguise for the swap moon, come with me if you want," Lance said, pushing away his plate and getting out of his chair. Just like that, and they were talking normally again.  
  
"You know I'm going to." Keith replied under his breath.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance is getting more angery. could this be a good thing? perhaps..
> 
> this update was later than intended. a lot of major irl things happened, but it's better now!
> 
> i don't really know how many chapters this thing is gonna have, but there's gonna be a lot. im mostly kind of just going with the flow right now. 
> 
> thanks for reading!


	6. A Stranger

This space mall was as interesting as the last one he went to.

All of them settled on a spot to meet at after an hour to collect and share whatever they found out, and split up.

Pidge and Hunk went together. Allura shifted her features so she wouldn't look Altean and less like herself, going off on her own since Coran stayed back to watch the castle. Lance wished he had the ability to do that instead of what he had. Shape shifting would be a lot more useful.

Their diguises were simple. Not pirates, more blending in with fashion similar to the other aliens. Lance wore a blue and white jacket similar to his signature one, with a black shirt underneath and gray-blue skinny jeans with his regular shoes. Overall, it seemed less like a disguise and more like new clothes to add to their every day wear.

The Galra wasn't infesting the place from what he could see. Lance felt uneased, worried that being there might cause problems for the untouched area. Galra could be there, too, out of sight and waiting to strike. That was assuming that they recognized them, but still a possibility.

Lance tried to calm down a little and let loose. They were there to ask questions and Lance wanted to use the opportunity to take a semi-break from everything. _Semi_ because what they were doing was important and needed to be focused on, but it was less intense than going on a hostile planet where he could be killed.

Lance daydreamed, taking in the diverse species around him and their languages. Keith stuck near him as they walked, pretending to be focusing on everything else _but_ Lance. From the corner of his eye, he could catch him stealing glances, with a face that made Lance think he had something to say.

"What are we doing," Keith finally said. It sounded more like a statement rather than a question, a common thing in his speech.

"We're kind of walking around aimlessly," Lance responded in disdain, waving around his hands to put emphasis on his words.

"No, I mean, what are we supposed to be looking for."

"I don't know. A shady shop? Some alien in a trench coat?" Lance turned around, almost walking backwards to face Keith. He slowed his pace some so he would be beside him and it'd be easier to talk.

"You know it's not that easy."

"It's not like we can just go up to someone and say, 'Hey, been enslaved recently?' There's hundreds of people here!"

Keith went quiet. Lance, eyeing the places they passed for a _'shady'_ spot, caught sight of a food stand. An idea came to mind. "Can we sit in a restaurant? We can listen around us for any rumors."

"Better than wandering. You have to try to eat something, though. So we don't look suspicious," Keith said.

Lance knew that they wouldn't really look suspicious if Keith was the only one to order something. He knew that Keith was aware of that, too, and was just trying to prompt him in to eating.

Lance was using it for an alternative motive too, in his own way. He was tired of walking and wanted to sit down for a minute.

"Your choice, then," Lance said, leaving the decision to him.

The two backtracked some to a place they'd seen earlier, that sold food similar to Earth sea food. Lance ordered a weird dish that he described to Keith as a _'mini-mutated purple crab'_. Awkwardness settled between him and Keith, sitting across from eachother at a table meant for three people. The place was busy, and he excused the silence as them listening to other people's conversations and watching the people that came in and out.

Lance was nibbling on the flesh of the thing he had- hoping that it wouldn't poison him, when a hooded figure from just outside the entrance resturaunt locked eyes with him.

One beat. Two beats. They still hadn't moved or entered. Now Lance was certain that they were looking at him. A chill ran through his spine and he looked away briefly to get Keith's attention. "Keith, I think I see someo-"

Lance was halted by a too-warm touch on his shoulder. Keith looked as startled as he did, Lance snapping his head to the source.

"I wouldn't be so loud if I were you." Their head was shrouded by a hood, skin and eyes an ashy purple. Their facial features and body were humanoid, any other revealing factors hidden by a dark blue, nearly black cloak. He couldn't tell if they were male or female, their voice robotically out of tune due to what he guessed was a broken auto-translator.

Lance assumed they were Galra, worsening his anxiety. Different scenarios ran through his head, mainly how he was going to get out of their overly tight grip, instantly jumping to the conclusion that they were about to kill him.

Lance's pulse sped, and he saw Keith's hand hovering over where he hid his blade. That was some comfort, knowing he had back up. Suddenly not as scared he previously was, he figured that the public area was the thing keeping the stranger from immediately doing anything rash.

Retracting their touch, they appeared to acknowledge the threatening stance Keith had taken. Lance swiftly stood and backed away, turning to fully face the stranger. Strongly, he wished that he had a weapon, because he didn't know who they were dealing with or what their intention was and couldn't defend himself.

"How long have you been following us?" Keith said sourly.

"It's best we talk in private," they said flatly, evading the question.

Lance, (and Keith too probably), didn't trust that in the slightest. For obvious reasons.

"Yeah, no. Who are you, and _why were you following us_?" Aggression was clear in his tone.

"I'm.. I can't tell you, but we can help each other." Their voice was hushed to keep anyone at the nearby tables from hearing. "I was abandoned after a battle. And I-"

"You're Galra, aren't you? What happened to victory or death? How did you find us?"  Lance interrupted, his questions demanding. He was having a really hard time believing that they just _happened_ to find them and was turning against the empire because they were abandoned. He was waiting for more of them to appear from somewhere.

"You're the only humans outside of where you came from. Anyone that knows of the paladins are familiar with their species. You're obvious when you come to a place like this."

Lance saw their point. Outside of their armor, they were still recongizable. Even then, he still believed that them being the paladins of Voltron would be the last thing any ordinary alien would assume when they saw them. There were plenty of other humanoid creatures that they could be mistakened for.

When neither of them said anything, they spoke again. "Zarkon is gone and so is his heir. The empire has fallen apart and allegiance is scattered. Being left by my general was enough for me to drop out entirely. I'm not the only one. I'm lucky to have survived and come across you during my travel," they retaliated, explaining themselves before either of them got hostile again.

Lance was suspicious- very suspicious of that 'luck'. But he was willing to go along with it, wanting to listen to their offer for the sake of them finally getting somewhere with their hunt. He also, _though he didn't want to admit it_ , wanted to believe in and trust what they were saying, desperate for a lead and for him to finally be able to do something that wasn't dying or being useless.

"What's your point?" Keith said. No longer ready to reach for his knife, he had his arms crossed. Lance could see that he was tense, still ready to jolt up and fight if necessary.

"I want revenge. I can help you," they said shortly. "We can discuss this further at a different location," repeating their previous statement.

Lance considered that chance that what they were saying was true. What they said didn't seem too far fetched and they hadn't been attacked. That didn't mean he trusted them yet, as there was also a chance that the location they were leading them to was a trap.

They pulled a note from somewhere under their cloak, and held it out between two fingers. Lance, being closest, hesitantly took it from their light grasp- avoiding contact with their hand. A nod from the stranger, and they left.

Lance didn't look away until they were out of sight, then sat back down in his seat across from Keith's. Eyeing the folded up paper, he placed it in the center of their table.

"What now?" Lance asked. Feeling dumb for not knowing how to proceed, he drummed his fingers on the table quietly as he thought.

"We have to go. It might be a trap, but we could find out a lot from this if they really did work with one of the generals. If not.." He trailed off, suggesting the worst that could come out of it.

Keith squinted, arms still crossed and tense. He reached over to the paper, grabbing and unfolding it. "Coordinates," he said simply.

_'That's it?'_ His drumming stopped. Lance held out his hand and Keith gave it to him. The side of the paper was torn, and the numbers were messy, signifying that it was written in a hurry. Written as soon as they were spotted, if they really had gotten lucky and saw them. Lance was relieved that there wasn't anything stupidly cryptic. Scavenger hunts were a waste of time.

"We just need to prepare in case it is a trap and hope for the best. I'm sick of hitting dead ends. This could finally lead us somewhere,"  Lance said, determination brewing in him.

Keith was placing money on the table, hinting that they were leaving. Lance had eaten almost nothing, and guilt poked at him for wasting the money and food. "It's almost time. I'll tell the others what we found out."

Too tired to explain, Lance was happy that Keith was going to take care of that. With that, he pondered how exactly they should play this out. They could send one or two of the team out to meet up with them in case it was an ambush. He refused to get put on the sidelines like last time, and since he was one of the people the stranger would be familiar with, it only made sense that he'd be one of the people to go.  Keith also fell in to that category. There was no reason for him to not go, and he knew Keith wouldn't let Allura keep him on the ship.

Lance was only a pair of handcuffs away from being fully stuck with Keith. Keith hadn't been insufferable- actually kind of  _nice_ for once. He didn't like that his near death experience was the reason for that. Keith's explanation was meaningful and kept him from entirely believing that the niceness wasn't genuine, though. Doubt still lingered, but that was just how Lance was.

Lance and Keith were the last people to show up. Allura looked to Pidge and Hunk, the two shaking their head and earning a disappointed look.

"We got something," Lance said before she asked.

"What is it?" Her eyes lit up, her previous disappointment gone.

Pulling the paper from his pocket, he handed it to her. She took it, unfolding the paper.

Keith stepped a bit forward. "We got it from someone, I think Galra. They've been following us, and said that we can help eachother. They knew who we were."

Alarm was clear in her expression, and she was quick to get them out and far away from the swap moon.

He wanted to protest her sudden urgency to leave, but understood. Lance couldn't fully trust the person, and there was nothing else keeping them there. Getting out of there as fast as possible was the best option.

"They've been following us? For how long?" Allura said first, once they were back in the control room. The way there, she'd been unsettingly quiet and that made Lance even more glad that he wasn't the one answering when she asked for more details.

"They wouldn't say. All they told us was that they had been betrayed by their general and left after a battle, that they wanted revenge, and then gave us those coordinates," Keith said, summarizing it.

"What do we do with that? If we go, we could get ambushed," Hunk pointed out.

"I was thinking the same thing," Lance responded, "I think me and Keith could go and the rest of you stay back. So that if it's a trap, you all will be able to step in. And if it isn't, we'll already be familiar with them and it'll be easier."

"We might not even accept this offer, and you're sick," Allura glared at him. The way she said sick made it sound like a common cold. 

"I feel perfectly fine! I can handle myself. Keith is gonna be there too," he motioned to him, "and it's not like we have any other choice. We can't just sit around, hoping we get lucky. This could finally get us answers, and-"

"You're not going, Lance." At least that meant she  _was_ going to take this opportunity, no matter how irritated he was at the fact that she was saying he wasn't allowed to do anything again. "Yesterday you were having problems, and I can't have something like that happening during something of this importance. You can help intervene if it goes wrong, but you're not going down there."

She left zero room for argument. Lance knew that she wouldn't let up after saying that, and he hated that she was right. Thanks to that stupid river zombie thing, he was back to being useless and now he had to worry about some weird magical sickness.

The anger that had built up died fast when he reasoned with himself. Lance sighed, "I understand," he said quietly, looking to the ground.

Allura's glare softened. "We meet here, tomorrow at one." Her attention directed to all of them instead of just Lance.

Everyone dispersed.

Lance was about to head to his room, when Coran stopped him. "I want to do a check, if that's alright."

Lance knew he couldn't deny it, even if Coran gave him a choice. Tired, he only nodded, following his lead down the hallways and eventually in to the room that had become too familiar for him.

Coran slowly unravelled his bandage. His wound hadn't gotten better or worse, and it had only been a day since the last time it was inspected. Lance wasn't expecting anything different. 

Coran's tight expression went slack when he finished. By his reaction, he knew that he didn't see what he was hoping for.

"Since you're the one.. Dealing with it, I suppose it's only fair to give you more of what we know."

Lance perked up at that, his gaze going from his wrist to Coran. He waited for him to continue, anticipating what he was going to say.

"We were able to stop it from spreading, but from what we can tell, it's still in your arm, more dense to the point where the infection starts. Since it's a major part of your motor functions and is capable of mind control, we think that it's capable of regaining that. And it's what made you start ripping off what was covering it.

I thought it wouldn't, because we were able to stop it from spreading any further, but.. This is advanced alchemy. Your burn is the root of the problem. As it is, the only solution is getting rid of it." Coran, normally cheerful and optimistic, was sullen. That confirmed what Lance thought he was referring to.

His blood went cold, "You mean.." Denial held on. 

"If we don't find another solution soon, we're going to have to do an amputation. We can't risk it killing you or someone.." Coran didn't finish his sentence. Lance could fill in the blanks himself. Him, or _someone else_. Did Coran and Allura really believe he could accidentally try to kill someone? _Could he?_

Coran didn't know the full truth of what happened. Lance knew that if he knew that it had spoken to him again, the amputation would have already happened. That made him feel worse,  _so_ much worse. This was his _hand_ , and Lance was terrified. He was terrified of it being amputated, but also what could happen if it they didn't get rid of the infection fast enough.

"Lance, listen." Coran's firm tone just barely got his attention. "I promise you that will be our last resort. I'm doing everything I can to find a way to counter and kill it."

Lance noticed that he said _'I'm'_ , and not 'we'. Had Allura already given up? _How hopeless was this?_

"Thank you for telling me, Coran," He breathed out, a whisper. That sounded bitter on his tongue, thanking him for notifying him of a very likely amputation. But it was true, he was thankful. Lance didn't want to be left in the dark, for it to come out of the blue and not have any time to prepare himself. He wouldn't have ever forgiven either of them if they kept something that important involving his health from him.

Lance clenched his fist and opened it, feeling the way his skin tightened around the blackened burn. He was imagining it gone, a stump in it's place. Lance knew it wouldnt be exposed the first time he would see it, but his brain unhelpfully supplied the image of it bleeding, his muscle showing like his burn had, bone protruding out. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to get rid of that and instead think realistically. He'd get a synthetic. It wouldn't look gory. It would be just like his real hand, except..

Attempting to think of something else, he noted how it hadn't hurt at all for the entire day. Was that a good sign? _'Doubt it.'_  It probably had something to do with the gel Coran had placed on it, which he was re-applying.

A fresh bandage was around his wrist in seconds, a faint ache running up from the burn to his forearm from the spot being confined again.

"If anything else happens, tell me,"  _yeah right,_  "Hunk will be waiting for you instead of Keith tomorrow morning."

For some strange reason, Lance was almost disappointed at that. He rubbed his heavy eyes, fully aware that he wouldn't get much sleep, no matter how tired he was.

"Night, Coran," was the most he could say before he left. The coldness in his veins remained as he walked, his other hand absently around the covered burn.

Blue, a presence that had been absent for awhile, pressed against his mind. The coldness went from unsettling to comforting. That was all it took for him to leave his room with his pillow and blanket, turning around and heading to sleep in the hangar instead.

 


	7. Again and Again

"If anything goes wrong, we can buy enough time for you all to get in your lions," Keith placed his helmet over his head.

It was around 1:00 pm, Earth time, and they'd been warped a small distance away from the coordinates. Space around them was desolate, the part of the universe emptier. No alien radio chatter could be read near their location. Lance couldn't see any stars or planets, and he felt mildly disoriented at the vastness of pure _nothing_. Squinting didn't help him see any better, only getting a single very dim star that might have been a trick his eyes were playing.

There was a ship a bit away, but still very visible against the black of space. It was similar to the ship that the pirates they'd met had. That increased his weariness, remembering the last pirates they met.

"Why can't we get in them and just hang back? We would be a lot faster that way," Hunk suggested.

"I don't want to risk a lion being taken. There's no telling what will happen," Allura said.

There was a short exchange that he drowned out, his mind wandering off to how the situation could turn out.

Lance hadn't noticed that they were gone until he heard the buzzing of the communicator. They had left fast and soon had departed.

Both of them were outside the ship in the red lion. The safety precaution of traveling together with one lion showed that fear of one of the lions being stolen. Lance didn't know why she was suddenly so paranoid about that since it would take a lot for it to happen, figuring it had to do with what happened during the fight with Lotor and after. Or something. He wasn't sure.

That fight had to of been their most difficult. Shiro was  _still_ gone and they were forced to fight Lotor without him, a major role in the team. Trusting Lotor had been their biggest mistake. The only good thing that had come out of it was their discoveries about Altea and Lance finally getting over Allura. It was weird how much could change within a couple of years. He used to practically worship her, and now he.. Lance couldn't identify how he felt now.

He respected her for who she was, what she was capable of and her passion for saving others, but she was also stubborn, had a hard time admitting to her mistakes and listening to people.

She was improving, but Lance wasn't quick to forgive her and it wasn't enough yet.

Wishing that he could be outside of the castle to defend themselves quickly, he forced that urge down, knowing that he still didn't have his suit and he couldn't go out there on his own without his blood boiling and lungs imploding. Lance had to settle with only having his bayard, feeling strange at the missing piece that always paired with it.

They had a more clear, zoomed in look of outside on a screen. Lance watched closely, eyes flicking back and forth to the emptiness around them for any other ships. The red lion drifted further and further in the distance, closer to the precise coordinates.

Lance tapped his foot, restless. Once they were close enough, the lion stopped and a large panel door slid open. No one else was in sight.

"I'll go in, stay here," Keith said through the radio, and he watched him leave through the mouth of Red. In a few seconds, he landed inside, doing a full three hundred and sixty-degree turn. "I don't see anyone. They had to of seen us if the door opened."

"Maybe they're on their way?" Pidge said.

"Give them a moment, don't do anything yet," Allura had an edge to her voice. She sounded put-off by the absence.

"Wait, I he-"

The screen showing their view and the static accompanied by the comms suddenly cut off.

"What just happened?" Hunk said, his voice unsteady with tense worry.

"I don't know," Coran started rapidly typing with a focused expression. New screens disappeared as soon as they were pulled up and he sighed in exasperation. Pidge stepped to the keyboard, Coran automatically moving aside.

Her attempts were futile, too. Nothing was happening.

"It's not working."

"Did you try resetting the-" Hunk started.

"Yes! I did." Pidge answered before he could finish. Hunk deflated.

Something was wrong, that much was obvious. Lance didn't say anything, bolting towards the direction of the hangar. Footsteps behind him came soon after, the others following suit.

When Lance tried to access the hangar, the same thing with the control room happened. Nothing. The scanner was failing, and the door wasn't budging. Panic he'd been suppressing leaped to the surface of his throat with a "Fuck," kicking the door as if his strength could take it down.

"Coran, what's going on?" He heard Hunk say from beside him, Lance almost forgetting that they were there until he spoke. Coran should know how to fix this, right?

"The doors aren't opening," Pidge responded, sarcastically stating the obvious.

"I.." The look on his face made it clear that he had no idea.

Lance tugged at his slightly overgrown hair.

"I knew we should have been out there! Just when I thought we had a chance. That backstabbing.." Lance nearly trembled, his insides cold yet his body hot at his stress, like someone had poured hot water on him after rolling in deep snow.

The lights flickered overhead. Somehow, they managed to stay on when it seemed like they were about to go out

Coran looked at the lighting above, then back to them. "I'll check the crystals. Hunk, Pidge, get to the control room and do what you can to get access back."

"What about me?" Lance was annoyed that he didn't have much of a purpose.

"Stay here, be the first person to go out when things are working again."

Happy with that,  _though incredibly anxious to get the hell out of the castle and see if th_ _ey're_ _still_ _alive_ , he nodded. The pair and Coran went in opposite directions.

He was content with his duty until he simply  _stood_ long enough to get restless. Lance worriedly tapped his foot, feeling powerless. He couldn't just stand there while Keith and Allura were in danger! There had to of been a full fleet out there. What if they had already been captured? Or worse, what if they were dead?!

Lance huffed, glaring at the door and kicking it again. Stupid technology!

Ice crystallized at the surface where he had kicked. Blue's noticeable hum rolled through him, telling him that he  _could_ do something. Hesitantly, he pressed his hand to the door, grabbing with what he called his extra limb on to the familiar feeling of his ice. He was planning on summoning it underneath and *pry* the thing open.

Lance felt the ice rising to the surface of his skin and outward. Stupid, maybe, but he had to try. Blue was encouraging him, too. 

Just when he felt it push out, he was suddenly greeted with a presence behind him and a "Hello, Lance," breaking every ounce of his concentration. Snapping around, his nose just barely missed the touch of a blade, ducking sharply and skidding to the side. In less than a second, he was aiming his gun and the figure, not wasting time to see who exactly the intruder was, and fired.

His bullet didn't hit its mark. The person disappeared in a flash, then reappeared a couple of feet behind where they originally stood. "I s-"

Lance wasted no time to fire again, cutting off their stupid villain monologue, or whatever the hell they were trying to say. That time he fired twice so that if she teleported the same way they did before, she'd still get hit.

Except, they didn't. Lance found himself on the floor, his bayard gone and pain shooting up his bad arm as a firm grip tightened around his wrists. He struggled, his attempts increasingly difficult with how badly his wound was burning. It hadn't hurt that bad,  _ever,_  and he had to clench his teeth tightly to keep himself from crying out in pain. He saw the purple aura and tiny black lightning bolts snapping around her hands. 

Lance could see their face clearly now with them so close. They wore an outfit identical to the person they met in the restaurant, a woman. He could tell they weren't the same person. Was this a new organization?

"You have quite the problem, don't you?" She said, tightening her grip on his bad wrist. She knew? Lance couldn't stay there any longer.

His stomach lurched. At first, he planned on breaking free and kicking the woman, but he felt something else stir in him, along with the quiet arrival of Blue. Cold. Gathering the sensation to where she had grabbed him, he practically  _flung_ it forwards. Suddenly she was off of him and jumped back, her hands taking on a glistening white, losing all color and looking completely still. Splotches of white, like her hands, were visible on her face. Surprise took over her features briefly and then was taken over by a grin. 

Lance was back on his feet, his heart hammering as he resummoned his bayard. He hadn't ever used it on something living before. For him, that was a landmark in his journey with his new ability. 

"Another one. What a surprise," she said, cackling.

Another one? Lance had no time to think about it. Her hands didn't stay frozen for long at all like he hoped, regaining their color. He cursed, his hesitance causing him to miss his chance to attack before she could recover. The knife that almost nicked him fazed into her hand.

Then it hit him. She was a druid. He'd been too caught up in the fight to realize. That explained why he was having such a hard time, how the chick even got in the castle and how she could have known about the substance in his wound. It also explained the matching cloak, though they didn't look the same as the ones he'd seen before. Were they with Haggard?

Lance could only go by assumptions from there, and he didn't have time to think about it! He was in the middle of a fight, and his mind was wandering off!

She stabbed her blade forward, and Lance blocked it with his bayard.

"You know, for a druid, you're really bad at combat," he said condescendingly. He added the word druid not only for the insult, but to see if he would be corrected. Lance needed his Haggard suspicions confirmed.

"For an Altean, you are weak." She hissed out.

Lance's eyes widened, and for a moment panic went through him. Altean. Another one. Another Altean.

No, she was only trying to catch him off guard. His wide eyes hardened into a glare, "Right." Winning the force between her knife and his gun, he shoved her forwards and fired.

Shockingly, the shot went through that time. Lance almost couldn't believe that it had actually hit, so he aimed once again, waiting for her to make her next move.

The woman stared, still on her feet in a firm posture, her arm still up where she was trying to stab him. The only reaction was her loosened grip, the knife falling and clattering to the floor beside her, her other hand reaching towards the hole in her clothes and skin. With how difficult the fight had been, he almost expected her to regenerate or something similar. But she did nothing.

A muffled beep came from inside her cloak, and she disappeared. Lance lowered his gun, panting heavily and turning around fully to see if she'd reappear. She didn't.

Despite his attempts to brush off her previous words, he couldn't. He shoved that in a box in his brain for later. 

Lance looked to the knife on the floor. It hadn't faded away. He was curious, as to whether or not she would die from the injury. He guessed he would know if it ever disappeared since she could teleport it back to her when necessary. Picking it up, very carefully he might add, he observed it.

The blade was long, thin and extremely sharp. A dagger, made of what Lance thought could be platinum. Though, being in the middle of the universe, it could be made of anything. Galra numbering was inscribed on the hilt.

He'd give it to Coran later. They could find something out with it.

Lance heard an incredibly loud bang, abruptly snapping him from his thoughts and bolting in the direction of the control room. Of course, there would be more of them, he hadn't even thought about the others!

He raced down the hall at full speed, stumbling into the control room. His panic lessened by a lot once he was in there, as he saw that Pidge and Hunk weren't hurt much, just a bit bruised.

"They disappeared," Hunk blurted when he saw Lance.

"The one that fought me did too," Lance responded. "Are you okay?"

"We managed to fight them off. There were three. Would've been worse if they hadn't left all of the sudden." Hunk grimaced.

Lance pressed his lips together. The druid he fought hadn't left because they were dying, then. "Have you been able to fix anything?"

"What they have is seriously interfering with our technology. Three years, plus ten thousand more, is enough for them to be able to do that," Hunk shook his head.

"I thought our upgrades would be enough. The time warp after Lotor made them get passed us again," Pidge said.

Lance cursed. "Where's Coran?"

Both of their faces both registered his question with fear. All of them looked ready to bolt to start a search.

As if on queue, Coran charged into the room, holding up a small, glowing shard in the entrance of the control room. Lance's arms moved by themselves and almost aimed for a split second, thinking it was another druid. Just as fast, he lowered it. "I have a solution!" He announced to them. 

Coran slowly lowered the item, confusion on his face. "What happened?"

"We almost died because people broke in," Pidge spoke.

Coran inhaled deeply. "No matter. I have a bit of a crystal," He opened his hand, showing a glowing shard. "This should manually activate the hangar door."

After a too long staring session, Lance snapped. "What are we waiting for?!"

 

It was so relieving to be back in his lion and leave. Lance felt so anxious that he felt _nauseous_ , hurriedly steering outside. He pressed a couple of buttons, succeeding with pulling up the communicator. The pressure on his chest was gone when it worked and he saw Keith's face.  _Keith's_ stupid face and he was so glad to see it.

"What the hell happened in there?! We have to go!" Lance was less glad at that, wincing as his yell hurt his eardrum.

The sight before him was an absolute mess. There were bits of the ship everywhere, _good riddance_. What had been going on outside was an obvious battle, though Lance thought he could safely assume they won since there wasn't anyone else in sight and no gunfire.

"Is Allura with you?" Pidge asked from her lion.

"I'm here. Get back inside, I need to open a wormhole."

So, taking all the lions out was pointless, Lance thought. At least they were able to open the hangar for them to get back in the castle. This would require a lot of explaining on both ends. Lance just wanted a nap. Sleep sounded great.

All of them docked again and soon were grouped up in the control room. The weird quintessence pad was the first thing she headed towards, opening a wormhole in a clear rush. Coran was nearby, close enough to catch her when her legs gave out from underneath her.

The castle emerged on the opposite side of the wormhole, but Lance didn't pay attention to their new surroundings. He did notice how the castle seemed to hum back to life, regaining the power it lost.

Lance felt an urge to step forward, but he knew he couldn't do anything to help. They had been running around a lot and he knew to warp especially draining for her.

"We can discuss this tomorrow. For now, heal and go over what you know," she said tiredly. As much as he wanted to find out what happened at that moment, she was right. They needed to take care of their injuries and collect themselves. She couldn't really contribute while on the verge of passing out, too.

Coran helped her up, and he watched her persistence to stand on her own, claiming she was fine, and him backing up a little, still close in case she fell again.

Pidge and Hunk both left soon after, leaving only himself and Keith. Keith had his arms crossed, glaring at the wall as if it had insulted him. Lance wanted to say something, anything, but nothing left his mouth. 

"I'm so  _sick_ of running away every time something goes wrong. Every time we try to trust someone, it all.." Keith said, sounding more disappointed than angry. Lance hated that tone, it didn't fit him and showed just how badly Keith felt. 

"Goes downhill," Lance completed for him quietly, his shoulders slumping. "I'm sick of it too, but right now it's for survival. We won this one." He tried to be reassuring. Tried. He knew it wasn't enough, upset over the ordeal too. In a way, this was his and Keith's fault. They were the ones that insisted they should go and listened to the stranger.

Keith turned to look at him, uncrossing his arms, then sighed. The glare he was holding left his face. He didn't say a word for a while.

"Get some sleep, Lance," and Keith left.

Lance knew that wasn't what he was going to say. And he knew he would wonder for a long time what Keith would have. 

 

 

Lance lied awake that night. Things had gone terribly, but they made it out. And that was the problem. For them, that had been too easy. Was the organization small, or was that just a warning? He couldn't figure it out. All he had was the knife that he'd forgotten to give to Coran, sitting on his desk. He thought they could scan the metal to see what it was, and carbon date it so they could guess where it had come from. The numbering gave more clues, but it wasn't enough.

Lance didn't feel right about having it in the first place. It belonged to someone he probably killed. Usually, he'd shoot and forget. Or at least try to. This time, he'd taken a belonging. He couldn't forget when evidence was right in front of him. There was reasoning behind it, like how they were trying to kill him first, but that didn't sit right with him.

Lance also knew that it was a bad idea, keeping the knife. That could be a tracking number, and he didn't know what druids were capable of. Rolling out of his bed, he opened his eyes and turned the light on, going back over to his desk and sitting down. The knife was still there, and memories of the woman poked at him.

_"For an Altean, you are weak."_

The sentence he'd been trying to bury came to mind. What she said didn't make any sense. He denied it before, claiming it was just a distraction, but he couldn't help but think. That was a terrible way to catch someone off guard, and too specific. Along with everything that had happened...

Lance didn't  _look_  Altean. He didn't have the scales on his cheeks or pointy ears. He hadn't ever heard of any Alteans having Elsa powers. Though he hardly knew anything about them, so it was possible that they  ~~used to exist~~ exist. Allura being suspicious, too, finding out something having to do with him and hiding it. Her sudden kindness.. It would explain a lot, even if it was still kind of a stretch.

He couldn't believe he was going off on something a druid said. Bluff or not, it was plausible. Lance redressed himself, leaving his jacket behind. He had a theory, and tonight was when he was going to test it. Two theories, actually. He hadn't let Blue's help during the fight leave his mind. She had mildly suggested using his ice to open the door. Blue didn't lie to him and she was trying to help. Lance was going to see if it actually worked- his first test being the lab door.

Allura would be exhausted, and most definitely asleep. He didn't know about Coran, but he would probably be making sure she healed properly.

He stepped slowly and silently, his door sliding open and shutting once he was out. He could hear blood circulating in his ears with how quiet it was after the whiz noise of his door. His tactic at the garrison was instinct, and he used it. He pressed his heels down first with each step, slowly moving his weight to the soles of his feet, making his footsteps entirely quiet. He listened closely for anyone up, pausing, then quickened his pace down the hallway.

Like before, he placed his hand on the door. Lance was grateful for his brief remembrance of the floor he was on when he had the map. Otherwise, he wouldn't have known where to go. The ice under his skin came instantly to his call, ' _He was getting better at this!_ ', and he closed his eyes. Using the sensation of his ice, he spread it, searching for a crevice between where the door shut into the inside of the frame. Ice exploded from his palm and spread to the side of the door where it shut, then pushed it in between the minuscule space. It was difficult, extremely difficult. He kept producing more, packing it into the place where he felt it touch the gap. Quickly, he found himself becoming exhausted and weak, the same way he'd feel after an intense workout. It was too much at once for him, and he was already tired out. Lance felt like he was trying to lift hundreds of pounds.

The door finally budged with a loud creak, Lance nearly falling back when it did, his ice crackling as it rapidly forced the door back. The result was erratic, ice pointing out in randomized directions, thin and thick in different spots. There was a gap in the middle, large enough for him to get through. Lance cringed. The noise it had made was loud. He truly hoped that no one had noticed. He'd have to be fast in case anyone had woken up, and now he had to worry about getting rid of what he did. Stepping inside, he checked behind him to see if the ice was holding out. It was, but it didn't look like it would for long. 

The laboratory didn't look too off from what he imagined. The room was blankly white, medium-sized, and from the look of it, it probably wasn't the only lab in the castle. Two circular, thick tables and two blank screens above them were against the back wall. There were books on a small shelf, but he didn't take a good look at that or anything else in the room when his eyes caught on the thin tablets on one of the tables. He went over, the sensors on the tablets turning on when they sensed his hand when he went to grab one. One of the screens above turned on, and what came up was their most recent findings. 

Lance couldn't understand most of what was on the screen without his writing-translator on hand. He only knew a few words, a few of them standing out the most. Quintessence. Altean numbering. Quintessence levels? And the density of what they were recording, including what he thought were chemical compounds but in Altean's form of chemistry. Lance guessed that it had to do with the substance that nearly killed him. He'd hadn't found exactly what he was looking for, but he was close. He swiped through a couple of pages, fast, before there were none left to look at. Picking up another tablet, he continued his search. 

The next one was on him, and he felt his pulse pick up. His own name in Altean was one of the first things he'd taught himself, and that was the first thing he'd read on the screen. He scanned the writings, trying to see if he could understand anything, then swiping to the next page. He furrowed his brows, seeing a picture of himself while unconscious, his injury, and more things he couldn't decipher about quintessence. Lance couldn't help but feel like his privacy had been a little invaded since they'd taken a photo of him while he was in a coma. He looked horrible, dark circles around his eyes and looking like a corpse. He swiped again. 

That's when he felt his stomach drop, his body numbing at the next thing he'd seen. It was him again. His hair more silver, the recognizable crescents below the sides of his closed eyes, except a blue-white. He could see the points of his ears poking out of the comfort of the pillow. Lance couldn't move, his breath being held subconsciously as his chest felt like it was collapsing in on itself. Everything was surreal at that moment. He just couldn't understand how..

Lance absent-mindedly reached up and felt his ears, to further deny what he was seeing by confirming that  _yes, he had hum_ _an_ _ears at that very moment_. But even then, he knew that what he was seeing was real. That was him. His hand was trembling, his grip tightening on the tablet, a flurry of emotions rushing through him. It made sense, yet it didn't at all. Being Altean was simply impossible for so many reasons. Frost crept from under his fingers and started to spread on the surface of the screen. He placed it down, retracting his hand sharply with a shaky breath. The frost retracted into nothing the second his hand left contact. Creaking from the door behind him broke him from his trance, turning around to see clouds of ice dispersing in the air. The screen on the wall and on the tablet shut off once he backed up, no longer sensing him. 

' _At_ _least that solves one problem_.'

Lance glanced to see that everything looks untouched, the way it was before he came in. And then he exited, the numbing feeling never leaving. He'd left just in time, or maybe his quintessence somehow knew, because it crumbled under the pressure of the door and closed back shut the second he was out. The gradual crushing and ice dispersing into frosty air let it shut relatively softly. 

Lance didn't get any sleep that night. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'VE ONLY WATCHED 3 EPS OF THE NEW SEASON and i'm scared af for how it's gonna turn out. wish me luck, readers. i stopped watching bc i really wanted to get this chapter out.
> 
> as usual, thanks for the nice comments that was left on the last chapter. i really appreciate it!<3 i hope you all like this chapter
> 
> for some reason, the note from the last chapter is showing up with this one. no clue why, this is my first fic and im only just getting the hang of uploading, so apologies for that


	8. Compulsion

Lance stayed awake, trying to piece together how him being Altean was possible. None of his family could be Altean. It didn't match up. Alteans had been mostly killed off ten thousand years ago. All other known Alteans had been controlled by the Galra. Earth was lightyears away from the Galra and what remained of Altea, so some ending up on Earth recently enough to have a kid was _extremely_ unlikely.

There was no sign of Altean being in him until Blue and his quintessence started acting weird.

He considered the possibility of being adopted, but why didn't his parents ever tell him? And it still didn't explain where he could have come from.

Lance got up from his bed, stepping into his bathroom. He took a quick, five-minute shower, using a colder setting to wake himself up more. Before his ice, that would have worked. Now, it didn't have any effect. The cold felt good to him, and didn't have the shock it used to that would get rid of his sleepiness.

Lance got out of the shower, drying off and slipping his clothing on. He started rinsing his face off, and when checking his teeth in the mirror, sudden pain enveloped his wrist. The voice invaded his mind like it had the other time it talked to him.

_"Don't you feel lied to? You can't trust them anymore, they hid something that important.."_

Lance blankly stared at himself, for a moment unable to recognize himself as the person in his reflection. He felt detached, hearing the voice, and it was like he could feel the ship moving beneath his feet. He gripped the sides of the sink to keep his balance, regaining awareness with a surge of frustration.

"Shut. Up." Lance said, trying to sound firm but the words coming out in more of a plea. He was scared, no denying it. But he couldn't be surprised, too. That wasn't the first time it talked to him, and after the druid from yesterday, he almost expected it.

_"I can help you. I can help you find the truth."_

A haze drifted over his mind, and Lance believed the words the voice told him. His desperation to figure out being Altean made him want to believe it. But not for long, his less vulnerable state preventing him from falling for it and overcoming the compulsion in seconds.

"I'm not letting you out," he snapped, his voice slightly stronger. The thing hadn't directly asked but his past experience and the urge to take off his bandage told him that's what it wanted again.

 _"You can't get rid of me, Lance,"_ its mock friendliness away at Lance's refusal. Lance tried his best to breathe evenly, but he could hear the anger in the entity and fear wracked through him. The voice had gone from the one he'd heard at the lake, to his own. The aura and pain from it were the same, and it was what kept him from thinking that it actually was himself that said it.

In his reflection, thick black liquid oozed out from inside his nose. A chunk dropped from his nostril and, with a splat, hit the sink.

Distantly, he heard knocking. All at once, the ringing in his ears and the presence of the voice was gone. He snapped his head to the direction where the knock came from, remembering that Keith was waiting outside.

Jolting away from the sink, his hand darted to his nose to touch the liquid. Lance retracted his hand, not feeling anything, and inspected his fingertips where he'd tried to touch it. There wasn't any sign of it, and when looking in the sink, what had fallen was gone. Only running water remained, flowing down the drain in a never-ending current.

He checked his reflection in disbelief, but nothing could be seen.

Lance inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself. He shut off the faucet, stumbling out of the bathroom. Hurriedly, he went to the door, opening it before Keith could break in. He was glad that he had gotten dressed before the voice started bothering him because then he would have taken longer to answer.

"Are you okay?" Keith said the moment he saw Lance. He watched his eyes flicker across his face, "You didn't get any sleep, did you." 

"Can you blame me?" Lance shut down Keith's concern, not wanting him to start asking questions.

Keith shook his head. "Allura still isn't up," he said, letting the topic go. He shifted himself to lean against the wall next to his still-open door. 

"She will be, eventually. What happened out there, anyway?" Lance started to head down the hallway. The mention of Allura reminded him of his paladin armor, the suit that he desperately needed. He was going on a hunt for Coran.

Keith pushed himself off the wall with the heel of his foot, sticking by Lance's side. "I'm not really sure. People came out of nowhere inside the ship and attacked me. Allura fired at it when I managed to get out." 

"There weren't any other ships?" Lance questioned, giving him a quizzical look. 

"No, it was really weird. They gave up pretty fast, too." Keith furrowed his brows. 

"Same with us. A few people broke in. Druids. The one I fought wasn't that well trained. She mostly just talked a lot of trash." Lance said, sticking his hands in his jacket pockets. 

"The attack didn't make any sense in the first place. They were either really arrogant, or they were after something," Keith started to sound more like he was talking to himself as he continued, lost in what he was telling Lance. 

Lance blinked. He hadn't really thought about the possibility of them being after something. Though, he hadn't really thought about it at all. What the woman told him had been too distracting, and he was running on zero hours of sleep.

"You think it was just a distraction?" Lance asked, stating what he thought Keith was suggesting. 

"Yeah, maybe. They fight us while they get someone else to get ahold of whatever they were looking for."

Lance froze. They hadn't ever done a clearance on the castle to see if there were any other druids inside. What if one had piggybacked the ride through the wormhole? They could be waiting for a perfect moment to strike, or fuck their systems up again. 

"Clearance. We have to do one, now." Lance blurted, facing Keith. "There could still be someone inside the castle. The ones we encountered might've not been the only ones." 

Keith didn't react the way he expected, staying calm. "Calm down, Lance. I checked the castle the best I could once everyone was out. If anyone's still here, we'll get them." 

That gave Lance even  _more_ of a reason to panic. Keith was up, last night? Lance had broken into the lab then. "You didn't hear anything, did you?" Lance hoped he didn't sound as suspicious as he thought he did, his voice higher than normal. He wasn't exactly quiet when prying the stupid door open. 

"I did," Keith narrowed his eyes. "When I checked, I didn't see anything, though. So I'm gonna go through the castle again."

Lance let go of the breath he was holding, but his nerves still didn't calm. That was close.  _Too_ close. "I.. I can come with you. You shouldn't be hunting down druids alone. It's dangerous." He offered that mostly to get any potential suspicion off of him. Also, it _was_ dangerous. He didn't see why Keith was doing it on his own. He'd always been too independent. 

Keith pondered that, analyzing Lance's face.

"Fine. I.. _we_ ," he corrected, "should warn the others when Allura is ready." 

Lance felt a bit of happiness, a rarity, at his use of "we" and accepting his help. He felt stupid for that being the cause of it, but it still was. 

"Speaking of Allura.." Keith said. He was looking behind him, Lance's back facing the end of the hall. Lance turned around, seeing Pidge. 

"I've been looking for you two dorks. Team meeting," she said promptly. 

At that, they followed behind Pidge.

 

 

The discussion consisted mostly of what Keith had already told him, and Lance restating what he said.

Keith, not having left his side when they entered, was the one to mention the chance of any stray druids. Allura became noticeably worried, more than she already was. He heard Hunk groan, saying something inaudible about them.

"Pidge, do a signature scan." She said, and Pidge started immediately.

"I checked through the castle where I could. I didn't see anyone," Keith stated.

"They're druids. Teleporting, magic, that whole thing. I doubt that we'll be able to pick one up on a scanner if they're trying to hide. And they could easily teleport inside of locked up places." Lance said bluntly. He didn't wanna burst anyone's bubble, but this was serious. Someone could be hiding, and they had no idea what they could be doing.

"He's right," Pidge said after about a minute of silence. "Nothing showed up, but the ship is still detecting unusual interference."

"What about them is causing that?" Hunk asked.

"The castle runs heavily on quintessence. Their use of corrupted magic inside the castle disrupted the flow," Allura answered.

Lance couldn't say for certain, but he didn't think Allura herself knew entirely. Her answer worked, but it seemed like more of a guess. He didn't comment, though, accepting what she said.

"We're going to encounter them again soon, whether it's inside the castle or while traveling. In the meantime, we have to prepare." She placed her hands behind her back, her head up and eyes steeled. There was no question in her statement. She was sure that there would be another encounter. The tiredness in her appearance couldn't be hidden easily, but she covered it well.

"Lance, Keith, I'll deactivate the locks. Search every inch of this castle for any disturbances or intruders." Lance heard her plural use in her last word, and he tensed. He didn't want to deal with multiples of druids. "Do not kill them unless _completely_  necessary." Her gaze left both of them, focusing on Keith. Her look held a warning clearly directed at him.

Lance wanted to snicker but suppressed it. Keith noticed the near-laugh, shooting Lance a glare.

"Does this mean our position has been given away again?" Lance said. The answer seemed obvious, but he wanted to know for sure.

"We can safely assume that yes, it has been. We can't run away from this one until the interference is dealt with," Allura replied solemnly, and Lance could tell that she wasn't ready for another fight yet. Unfortunately, they didn't have much of a choice.

"If we're attacked from the outside, we can search the wreckage for anything that can give us an idea as to who they are," Lance suggested. "Until they send in backup, at least," assuming that they would have any. Lance didn't have any doubt that they would win against the druids. If it came down to it, he'd use his ice.

"If it's their ship, they should have something there," Keith agreed.

Allura didn't say anything, but he could tell she would go with the idea just by her calculating expression. Desperation called for greater risks.

She tapped three buttons, then pushed her hand through her hair. "You should be able to get into any room, now." There was a clear reluctance in what she said. Lance understood. She was being forced to open up parts of the castle that she had closed off in her grief.

What Lance had been trying to ignore pushed to the surface of his mind. He realized that the castle was part of him too, the last remains of a civilization that he belonged to.

It hurt, knowing that Allura's sudden care for his well-being likely only stemmed from him being Altean. Lance felt betrayed, in a way, because that fact was hidden from him and Allura's change might've not been real. Might've, because he had a small amount of hope that she was being genuine, and it _wasn't_  entirely because of him being Altean. She cared for her people, and now Lance was bunched up with that. He'd never call her his princess, that was certain. He didn't see how she expected the other lost Alteans to see her as their princess when they had no clue who she was. Ten thousand years of generations had that effect.

Again, he wondered where the hell he could have come from. One of Lotor's civilizations? Giving the time, that seemed the most possible explanation.

Lance didn't forget how he now had access to the library. Something curled uneasily in his gut. Stealing something from there was what he originally planned, but doing it when Allura put her trust in him.. It didn't seem right. Despite his frustration towards her, breaching the trust she suddenly put in him didn't sit well with Lance. The words were unspoken, but he knew that they were stepping towards sensitive territory for her.

At the same time.. He could find out a lot. About his quintessence, what his exact lineage could be, how to get better control over his ice...

Lance chewed on his lip, debating between the two choices.

Letting go the hold he had on his lip, he pursed his lips. If she was going to lie to him, then he would lie to her too.

That decision didn't remove the uneasy feeling in his gut, but it did make him feel less guilty about it. A soft sting was felt under the bandage around his wrist, but he couldn't tell if he imagined it or not, given what had happened that morning.

"Wait, before we go." Lance stopped, mid-way through leaving. "Where's Coran? I need my armor."

"Right, follow me."  


 

 

Having his suit back was refreshing. The reinforced latex on his skin and his helmet over his head made him feel _much_  more secure. Keith had suited up, too. They had to check each and every room on the first floor, which was an annoying but necessary task.

Lance considered asking if they could split up, so they could cover more ground faster and be less predictable, but Keith wouldn't allow it. Lance was still sick, and he doubted Keith would risk leaving him alone. The speech he gave him about how much he regretted Lance's near-death made that clear. Lance didn't want to leave Keith alone, either. He thought that he had lost Keith the night before and wasn't going to let that possibility happen again. 

"You think they heard us talking?" Lance said, a door whizzing open in front of them. Like the last one, they both came in with their weapons ready but ended up only aiming at nothing. 

"Doesn't matter if they did. We're mostly looking for signs. It could just be an object, too." Keith said, going towards the next room.

Lance nearly choked on his spit, breaking out in a cold sweat. Object? "Fuck," he accidentally said out loud. _The knife_.

Was that the thing causing the interference? He'd been so conflicted over the knife and his thoughts that he'd completely neglected to turn it in. Lance felt like such an idiot, why was he such an airhead?

This wasn't something he could hide from them. Lance couldn't hide the knife forever. It was too late for him to turn it in. Everyone already thought that they were looking for an intrusion. And Lance couldn't just go, ' _Oops, sorry. I brought this druid knife through the wormhole and probably gave away our location, but I was going to give it to you! Didn't mean to cause panic!_ '

He'd finally gotten some type of respect back, and his relationship with the others was getting better. Lance was terrified that his stupid mistake would take him back to square one.

He couldn't just chuck it into the vastness of space and pretend it didn't exist, either. They would be wondering why the signal suddenly disappeared and it would only make things worse. Not only that, but the knife was valuable in terms of information about the druids.

Lance had to tell _someone_. Keith was with him. So he couldn't sneak off into his room, grab it, and then pretend that he found it. That would be impossible to get away with. Keith would notice. 

That left him stuck with only one option. Lance had to tell Keith and pray that he wouldn't say anything to anyone else.

"Lance?" Keith broke him out of his internal crisis.

Tell Keith. Simple. Lance felt cold, in a literal way. He forced his mouth to open, locking eyes with him.

 _Not simple_. "I.. I think I know where the signal is coming from." The words fell from his mouth. Biting his tongue before he could blurt anything stupid, he found that he couldn't maintain eye contact with him.

"What did you do?" Keith said, a little harsher.

Lance regretted saying anything, being pinned by Keith's glare. There was no turning back at that point, no matter how much he wanted to run away. Even if he could, he wouldn't. He had to at least  _try._

"I killed one of the druids. They dropped a knife, and I kept it. I thought it could help! I was going to give it to Coran they could run scans. But now it's too late because it's my fault and I don't want them to.." Lance started rambling, trying to make Keith understand and keep him from getting angry.

"Lance, slow down," he interrupted.

Lance shut his mouth.

"You don't want to tell them?" Keith asked for confirmation.

Lance shook his head.

Keith breathed out. "Where is it?"

Lance looked at him, not believing that Keith accepted that answer. "Are you.." Lance started, trailing off.

Keith knew what he was asking. "No. I won't." He crossed his arms. "But only because this whole thing was chaotic and what you have can help. Telling Allura the truth would cause drama that we don't need right now." Keith was quick to give a logical response, but when Lance looked up, his expression was soft. 

"Thank you, Keith. Seriously." 

Keith pressed his lips together, quickly turning away. "Don't mention it."

"It's in my room. Follow me," Lance said, fighting back a smile. He was relieved and oddly touched that Keith had his back and was willing to keep it secret for him. 

 

Lance opened his door, and Keith followed him inside.

 He saw him visibly tense, tugging on his sleeve while doing a quick scan around the room with his eyes. "What the hell. It's freezing in here, why do you keep the temperature so low?" 

"It is?" Lance said out loud without meaning to. He'd been saying a lot of things out loud around him that day, and he wondered if his brain was lowering the constant guard it had for everyone. Lance figured it was because he had spent so much time with him, and he didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. 

Keith didn't reply. Grabbing the knife from his desk, he held it out for Keith. 

"You just... Had this thing out in the open?" Keith questioned, taking it from his hand to inspect. 

"Putting it inside my desk wouldn't make much of a difference." He defended. Seeing his notebook left on his desk, he grabbed it and opened his drawer, putting it inside. 

Keith's eyes lingered on where he put his notebook, and Lance thought he was going to ask. 

"Okay, we'll go back, and say that we found it lodged in a vent," Keith said, handing it back to Lance. He was incredibly glad that Keith wasn't the type to pry. Or maybe they just weren't close enough for Keith to feel like he could.

That thought made Lance strangely disappointed. Suppressing it, he built off of what he said. "In the hallway where I fought that druid. By the hangar. I can say it probably happened during a fight," Lance completed.  Doing it together, Lance was safer using the fabricated story. Telling Keith had been worth it, and Lance could finally put a little more trust towards someone other than Hunk. 

"You  _owe_ me," Keith mumbled, but it didn't hold as much seriousness as Lance knew Keith intended, with his stiff posture. 

Lance would pay him back somehow, within time. He really  _did_ owe Keith. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i won't drop this story because of how voltron ended. i wasn't expecting LM and JDs to get fired at all, but i approve of that decision because of everything that's happened.
> 
> i won't spoil to those who haven't watched, but i feel so bad for Lotor. he'll make a return in this fic, and i'm gonna include him in the improved ending i'm writing.
> 
> i'm not sure if the next update will be on time, because holidays take up a lot. i hope everyone has a great Christmas!! and break if you're getting one


	9. Zombie

Lance's crusted lids struggled to peel open. When they do, his eyes adjust, his pupils dilating in attempt to see through the dark. The moonlight helped, but the crowded trees surrounding him block most of it with their leaves. He's confused, but not scared. Bare feet sinking into the muddy soil, the wind blows against his skin and ruffles his loose clothing. It's cold, the chill of the night comforting him slightly. It reminds him of home, but he knows that's not where he is.

_"Whoever you see, shift to look like them the best you can. Just like how I taught you. You'll understand someday. Now, go."_

He remembered what he was told, but not who it was. All he knew was that he could trust the memory, and it was important that he listened.

Lance stepped forward, his balance unsteady on the first couple of steps, his legs weak from being unused for so long. He can't remember why, only that they are.

One foot after the other, a pattern that lasted for hours, yet it didn't feel like it. Lance was moving through a fog, only knowing that he had to _go_. Just as he was told. After some time, he reached a clearing. A lining of the back of houses and the sounds of waves brushing against a shoreline greeted him, no sign of any lights coming from inside of the structures. The houses were spaced rather far apart, but close enough to catch sight of all of them. As he got further from the trees, his feet hit sand, the grains sticking to his muddy feet in clumps. Beyond the houses, he spotted the shore he had heard.

Distantly, he heard talking. On alert, he crouched down, moving behind a nearby bush-like tree, peeking out slightly to get sight of them.

"Ella dice que vio un niño cuando estaba caminando." _(She said that while she was walking, she saw some kid.)_ A man.

"Tu mujer se esta volviendo loca, no puede ser posible que un niño pueda sobrevivir por aquí. Nadie a sido reportado perdido en ningún pueblo cercas de aquí y ay un bosque grandísimo."  _(Your wife is going crazy, there's no way a kid could have survived out there. No one has been reported missing in the nearby town, and there's forest for miles.)_ A woman. The voices got closer, and he shuffled further behind the tree, no longer looking. He rested his hand softly on a branch.

"Ay, si, pero tenemos que revisar de todos modos, hombre. No quiero arriesgarme y perder mi trabajo." _(Aye, but we have to check anyway. Can't take the risk, and I don't wanna get fired.)_

"Bueno, ¿Y que coño esta haciendo tu mujer caminando a estas horas? Esta loca, te digo." _(What's your wife doing walking out here in the middle of the night anyway? Crazy, just like I said.)_

"Ya cállate-" _(Shut up, you're-)_

Lance leaned a little too hard on the branch, and it snapped. Startled, he fell, hitting the ground with an audible thud. He wasn't expecting the thing to be so fragile, too used to the strength of the trees where he once lived.

Lance tried to remember where the thought had come from, thinking about the trees he was used to. Trying to was like attempting to make out details of a long forgotten dream. It was there, but not enough to make sense of it.

"¿Escuchaste eso?" _(Did you hear that?)_

Lance could see the two figures of people he heard talking. Dangerously close. They were shining a light through the trees, looking for the source of the noise, aka him. Lance carefully stood back up, eyeing their faces to get a good glimpse so he could shift. The light they were shining and the moonlight gave him enough to be able to make out their features. Shifting was one of the first things he learned how to do, and he could do simple things with ease.

Thankfully, they looked very similar to his kind. Other than their ugly ears and lack of face scales, they were the same. A split second before they shined the light in his direction, he got rid of the points in his ears and the blue crescents under his eyes.

"Coño!" _(Oh, fuck!)_ He heard the woman scream. Lance must have startled her. He didn't move an inch, not knowing what they were going to do. He could run if he had to, but instinct he knew he needed help, or else he wouldn't survive for much longer. So he stayed.

"No lo asustes!" _(Don't scare him!)_ The man said to her, equally loud.

The woman glared at him sharply, then softened when she looked back to Lance. "Oye, ¿de donde vienes?" _(Hey, where'd you come from?)_ She asked, much more gentle.

Lance didn't say a word. He didn't understand what they were saying, only able to tell that it was a question by their tone.

"English? Do you speak English?" Lance noticed the change in the man's speech patterns, but he wasn't sure why. Again, he didn't reply.

"Ven conmigo, ¿si? Te lleváremos a un lugar seguro." _(Come with me, okay? We'll bring you somewhere safe.)_ She said slowly, holding out her hand to show what she meant. Lance stared at it, understanding the universal gesture. Hesitantly, he placed his hand in hers. She smiled.

Lance sharply jolted forward as he was ripped from the dream. Half-asleep, he thought he would see the face of the woman he grabbed the hand of but only saw the darkness in his room, reality settling back in. Every detail of the dream he could recall in clarity, and it rushed him with such familiarity that Lance couldn't determine whether or not it actually _was_ a dream. The time displayed 4:07 in the morning, showing just how early he'd been woken up.

 _"It's true, Lance."_ The voice.

Startled, his eyes widened in realization, sliding out of his bed. His feet hit the floor hard, his posture straight and stiffened. Lance's eyes glared towards the air like there was someone in front of him instead of a voice in his head. " _You_  did this," he growled.

_"I said I can help."_

"You're lying."

_"I pulled out a lost memory. Now you know more."_

"How?" He demanded.

_"I've been in your head long enough to know. Quit denying what you saw. You know it's true."_

"After all you've done, why would I trust you?"

That got the entity to shut up. Lane felt triumph in his success, trying his best to ignore the confusing emotions rolling through him after what it just made him see. Because it _wasn't_ real, and the thing made him hallucinate _again_. That's what Lance was telling himself.

The silence was short-lived. _"I don't want to die."_

Lance's heart nearly stopped then. At that, Lance realized just how much the intelligence of the entity had been increasing. In the beginning, it had been mindlessly trying to harm him and get into his head. It had been a couple of days since it had last surfaced. It got angry at him but it had attempted coherent communication. Now? _It was saying it didn't want to die._

Lance had every reason to ignore it, tell it to shut up again and assume that it was another tactic to get to him, then try his hardest to go back to sleep. Especially after it tried to take over his mind not too long before. One thing it couldn't fake was the fact that it was getting _smarter_.

He didn't do any of the things he was planning. He sat down on his bed, sucking in a shaky breath, and listened, going off the small chance that what he saw was real. Lance knew that it was stupid, but what harm would it do? It wasn't like he was letting it possess him or anything.

"Is that why you want to help me? So I don't chop you off my body?" Lance said bluntly, narrowing his eyes. The reasoning made sense. Lance had that leverage over the entity. He could technically get rid of it whenever he wanted, and it seemed like it had become smart enough to realize that.

 _"I can admit that I have been.. Difficult-"_ oh _really_ , Lance thought sarcastically, _"-to deal with. You won't believe me, but something is changing."_

"Something?" Lance repeated in question form, feeling more and more like a maniac the more he talked to it. At the same time, though, his curiosity grew.

_"I don't know what it is."_

Lance snorted, "Fine. Want me to trust you? Then tell me. What the hell are you?" Of course, he wouldn't actually trust it whether or not he got an answer. It was worth the attempt, and if he had a way to dig up more memories and could find out about what the entity was, then he was going to take it.

_"I.. I dont.."_

The ringing sound Lance always drowned out rapidly increased in volume, and his entire body went numb. Throbbing intensified in the back of his skull, and no sound could leave his mouth. All at once, he felt his mind separate from reality, losing the hold it barely had. Lance felt like he was being flung thousands of feet in the air, his stomach dropping the way it would downhill in a rollercoaster.

Then, it stopped.

His eyes that had been screwed tightly shut opened at the relief. It took him several seconds to register where he was. It was a place he'd only been to a couple of times before. The astral plane. 

Except, there was none of the infinite distance of outer space. A dull light was held over the entire dimension, clouds of white and off-coloring filling the space. The only things signifying that he wasn't truly there were how he wasn't affected by it and his complete stillness on the never-ending invisible platform

When Lance tried to move, his eyes opened a second time, and he was back in his room.

"What.. The fuck. Did you do." He said as soon as he gained enough sense to speak, instantly blaming the entity. His form was sprawled out on the floor, his pulse was beating irregularly, and Lance was having a hard time breathing properly. Lance didn't know if it was from shock or being flung into a completely different mind space.

There was no response. The ringing was gone, and so was the presence the voice carried. Meaning, the entity had left. Which only made Lance feel worse. He didn't know what to make of what had just occurred, or what had happened to the entity.

Lance wasn't even sure how that was possible in the first place, but he was certain that it had to do with Haggar. Was she the one that did that? Did she have control of whatever was inside of him? Something like that didn't just happen on accident, and she had been the one to create the thing that infected him.

Knocking came from the other side of his door, signaling that his daily babysitter had arrived. Unsteadily, he brought himself up to his feet. Wrist aching, he absently scratched at it, glancing at the clock.

That was a mistake. Lance felt even _more_  displaced, the time reading ten minutes after nine, about five hours after he woke up from the dream.

He tried to control his breathing, running his fingers back through his hair. Again, he had no clue how that could have been possible. But somehow, that much time had passed.

"Give me a minute," he said breathily. The words didn't feel right on his tongue, almost forgetting that he was talking to Keith. Lance recognized it as the beginnings of a panic attack- if not already in motion.

Forcing himself to go through his normal morning routine, he was ready in a little over ten minutes, opening the door. Normalizing himself helped a bit. Seeing Keith's face contributed, reminding him that he _wasn't_  going insane and that he was still in the ship.

"Hey, uh.. Are you okay?" Keith asked wearily. It seemed like that was what he asked first every morning, practically part of Lance's morning routine.

"Y-Yeah. What's up?" Lance hit himself mentally, since when did he ever ask Keith 'what's up?' Now he sounded way more suspicious!

Keith gave him a look, one that said 'Right, I don't believe you.'

"We got in orbit of a planet a couple of hours ago. We caught some signals and got to the source as soon as we could," Keith said. The look he had showed that he wasn't exactly going to let go of his suspicion, and would likely talk to him about it later. Lance had been getting away with avoiding his questions for a while, and Lance was more inclined to answering him after what Keith did for him.

Focusing on what he said, Lance didn't like the sound of that. Last time they'd done that, Lance had nearly died. The decision sounded pretty spontaneous too.

"Isn't that a bit too soon? What if we get attacked again?" Lance said, not specifying if he meant the incident on the planet or the recent fight. He meant the near death incident, but didn't want to bring up what happened on Planet Corpse.

"We couldn't just ignore it. This planet actually has civilization, too."

Another thing that made this _bad_. If they were being tracked, then they just led the Galra straight to a previously safe society. "That's not really.."

"A good idea? Yeah. I know. We're gonna stick around for awhile to make sure they're safe and keep tabs after they leave. It'll give us a chance to restock, too."

Lance didn't say anything else on the matter. His train of thought kept drifting back to what had happened to him in his room. It was one of the most surreal things he'd experienced. Lance had been in the astral plane before, but that time made him feel sick, and also had to do with the entity trapped inside of him.

He never considered that whatever it was could have it's own mind space. Was it the consciousness from the corpse that grabbed him? Was the thing's mind trapped inside his own?

Now he felt guilty. Not to mention _terrified_. That person had been killed by the Galra. If the entity belonged to it, then it had been undoubtedly corrupted, too. Was he somehow purifying the corruption over time? Allura had mentioned that she was flushing out the infection and corruption with pure quintessence while he was unconscious. That would explain why it was behaving the way it was. Lance had assumed that it was just some fucked up infection, a bio-weapon made by the Galra. If it was a  _real_ person that had been weaponized..

It wasn't even a proven theory, but Lance and his stupid heroic tendencies wanted to try to help it.

No, he wouldn't let it possess him. Ever. He'd just play along with it's sudden don't-kill-me mood it had. _Again, what harm could it do?_ Lance didn't want to loose his hand. The entity didn't want to die. If he was going to be trapped with it for an undetermined length of time, he could at least try to make it less of a nightmare to deal with that it currently was.

Easier said than done.

Lance had been quiet for too long, so before Keith could pester him about what was going on with him, he spoke. "When are we going down?"

"Allura and Coran should be done doing the diplomatic work so we can land. Hunk is still packing for the stay. You should start, too. The sooner the better."

Lance turned, going back inside the room they had been lingering in the doorway of. He didn't check to see if Keith had followed him in, scavenging through his closet for his bag. He pulled down a change of clothes and stuffed it inside, not bothering to fold them, and stood back up. Keith was eyeing his room carefully, his cheeks and nose taking on a reddish tint from the cold. It was weirdly endearing, in a cute kind of way.

Aaaand Lance's brain did _not_  use that word. He would kick that off the imaginary cliff in his mind, score it right in to the box where he stuffed every other thing that he didn't like. Because Lance did  _not_ ever pair that word with Keith.

"How do you survive in here? And why haven't you brought it up to them so it can be fixed?" Keith said once Lance was done grabbing stuff from his bathroom. A long time ago, his tone would have been way more annoyed because he didn't report something broken in the castle, rather than the scolding concern that it had now.

Lance didn't know how to not make it as cold as it as it apparently was. He'd make it warmer if he could, but that wasn't yet possible.

"It's not like it's affecting anyone else.." Lance muttered, checking to see that he had everything he needed.

"It's affecting _you_. You could end up getting even more sick. This isn't healthy."

Lance didn't have anything to say. He had no retort, nothing to sustain a reasonable argument. It wasn't like he could flat out tell him that it was magical rather than technical. He couldn't tell him to just "leave it alone" either, because that would only make Keith annoyed and probably act on his own to get it fixed.

"I'll talk to them and get-" Keith started.

Alarmed, Lance was quick to keep him from doing that. "No. You can't," he strained, "I'll.. I'll tell you why eventually, but you can't."

Keith looked hesitant, then said, "Okay, but you have to tell me. Soon. No backing out."

Lance was really pushing it. Keith was already covering up one lie, and now Lance was making him hide even more stuff. He regretted saying that he would tell him, but that seemed like the only way to keep him from notifying the others. Lance couldn't just tell him to not say anything. He had to offer an explanation in return.

Pidge and Hunk had already noticed, too. He didn't want them to have a reason to investigate. If they did, they could end up discovering he was the source, and that was the _last_  thing he needed. Lance wasn't even sure how he was going to explain it to Keith, and he didn't want to in the slightest.

He could argue with himself, say that it wasn't that big of a deal and he could trust him, but he was planning on figuring things out first on his own. Sure, he had much better control over his ice in comparison to when it first manifested, but there was always that chance of being seen as "too dangerous". His earlier fears of being casted off the team didn't have as much substance as before, knowing everything he did now. Yet, like most of his worries, it was still irrationally in place. Lance couldn't help it. That was just how he was.

Thinking about it gave him the urge to practice, something he hadn't done in awhile. At that, he decided that he would head towards a body of water once they were landed. Lance hadn't ever had access to an body of water to work with before, and he thought it would be perfect to use. After they settled, of course. While Lance liked leading the team on occasion, he wasn't good at talking to other alien races, so he was glad that the responsibility didn't fall on him. He would have time to find one and head towards it.

The only issue was that Keith was stuck with him.

"Are we heading down?" Lance asked, beginning to get anxious to get down to the planet's surface.

"Yeah. Allura says you can pilot, just as long as you're feeling fine."

Lance mentally cheered, and would have even smiled if it his thoughts weren't weighing him down so much. He could finally do something on his own, and he was more than happy to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special thanks to April again !! she translated English to Cuban Spanish. i added the english translation next to the dialogue so that you guys wouldn't struggle to find an accurate translation, because google translate honestly sucks.
> 
> this one is kind of short because i REALLY needed to get it posted and it thought that this end was best place to stop without making it extremely long, which next chapter will be!! i am SO sorry that this chapter took over a month to get out. life has been really busy and the holidays were a huge distraction for awhile, but chapter ten is nearly done!! i hope at least some of my readers have stayed since then :') 
> 
> happy extremely late holidays~


	10. Gift of an Exorcism

The team had gone through the usual process when landing on a planet, Keith stating that they were the paladins of Voltron and Allura doing the rest. Because they had apparently already talked before landing, there wasn't much they had to say. They landed their lions in a field next to what the aliens said was a good place for them to set up, a smallish village that looked peaceful enough for them to stay in quietly. They were walking through the village, in what looked to be a market-based area. The buildings looked modernized and medieval at the same time, a weird mix that Lance thought was interesting. There was no one in sight, which they were notified of. Apparently, the inhabitants weren't _completely_  welcoming or too eased at their arrival.

Lance didn't blame them. Not too long ago, everyone thought Voltron had died and the universe had been left to fight for themselves. As it was, most of the universe didn't believe they were back. Landing on an active planet was the first step of declaring that they had returned, and word would spread. Lance figured that was another reason why they were staying. They needed to get back whatever support they lost, and they couldn't do that if everyone still thought they were dead or believed that they had given up.

During the walk, the village appeared to be absolutely empty, and Lance would have thought they were in a ghost town if he wasn't aware that they were hiding. There were people, that was for sure. That didn't make it any less unnerving, the ambiance giving him strong Silent Hill vibes. Obviously, the town wasn't actually anything like Silent Hill, but his head was making the parallel and Lance couldn't get rid of it.

The group had finally gotten to the building they had been told they were staying in. The door opened almost immediately, and they were greeted inside by a lanky man with entirely light-blue eyes, gray-red skin, and gray hair. It wasn't noticeable, but the man also lacked ears. Everything else about him looked a lot like humans did, like his bone structure, and Lance realized he was probably being rude by staring and not saying anything...

Whatever discussion that had been going on, Lance totally missed out on. He wasn't sure of what was going on when he saw Hunk and Coran leave with someone.

Keith looked at him, seemingly noticing his confusion. "Our rooms. You're bunking with me," he said flatly.

Lance tried to hide his sudden rush of intense stress that came over him when he said that. His night-terrors and sleeping in the same room as someone else were two things that were not going work out well. His circumstances even made it _dangerous_. What if he had a night-terror that made him freeze his room, _and_  consequently Keith?

Unless Keith was able to wake him up before he got bad enough to explode in ice. But that would require him _knowing_.

Lance was supposed to tell him anyway, and he knew he wouldn't be allowed to go to the lake and practice on his own. Not to mention how he might have seen something after they had that major argument and Lance left the ice in his trail. So many reasons to just _tell_  Keith, _yet he couldn't.._!

Lance decided to not think, just do. Because if he thought about it too much, then he'd never be able to tell him. Lance had a solution for him not knowing how to tell Keith. He would just.. Show him instead. And then explain whatever questions he had.

"What I said earlier? I'll tell you. But.. We're going to have to go somewhere else." Lance said. To Keith, he knew it would sound out of the blue, but Lance just wanted to get it over with. Now, there was no turning back.

Lance saw Keith furrow his brows at him, "Like...?"

"Have you seen any lakes nearby?"

 

Finding a body of water was easy, but getting to it was a different story.

The last time he had separated from the team, heading towards a river, he nearly died. Every step that Lance took brought him closer to that memory. Lance had to keep reminding himself that he wasn't back in that forsaken place, and he _would not_  get pulled back in again. 

That irrational part of his brain kept his heart racing and his legs weak as he walked, forcing them to go against the instinctive urge to turn back because Lance absolutely refused to let a stupid river zombie ruin anything for him. Trauma or not.

Admittedly, Keith being with him helped a lot. He wasn't alone, and if he somehow got pulled in again, Keith would be there to help.

Internally, he pointed out every detail of the forest that wasn't anything like the one on the planet that nearly killed him. While that place was desolate, charred and deprived, the forest he was walking in was thriving. The trees were tall and thin, thick of their pointed reddish leaves, pale yellow flowers as big as his hands scattered across them. The bark of the trees was smooth, an ashy brown color, growing at just enough distance for their leaves to not touch.

Once the lake that the man had pointed him towards was in view, that became even more clear. He almost believed that he would see inky tar filling the river, with limbs trying to escape with all their will. Instead, he was greeted with a crystal clear blue mass of water. The urge to turn back vanished, colorful eel-like fish visibly swimming beneath the surface as he hurried closer. Vegetation was lush at the bottom of the lake, pushed out from under smooth, large rocks. Crouching, he touched the green-blue grass, the blades round and soft. Lance sat down at the edge, trying to contain his amazement at the area. Places like this were what made Lance love space, reminding him that there _was_  some beauty left in the universe. That gave him more reason to fight the Galra, so they couldn't take it away.

Lance almost forgot that Keith was there with him, only being reminded when he cleared his throat.

"So, why are we here?"

Lance sat down fully on the grass, his legs crisscrossed. He stuck his fingers in the water, trying to distract himself from the anxiety hurting his chest.

"Don't say anything for a minute. I'll show you. I just.. Need to focus."

Lance tried his hardest to calm himself down, paranoid that it would suddenly not work and he'd just look like an idiot. His emotions were already making his ice claw beneath the surface of his hands, focusing in on the hand in the water, being drawn to it.

Letting it out wasn't difficult at all, and Lance very, _very_  carefully released the pressure, letting it come to the surface of his skin and touch the water. He didn't want his anxiety to cause it to burst. Lance was afraid he'd freeze the fish to death.

He would've tried picking up some of the water instead, but that was too difficult for him to present. Ice came to him a lot easier.

The water crackled, ice slowly spreading from his hand in the water. He lifted his hand up, having established the connection to the water, freezing a thick layer of water and rising it, resembling a tiny iceberg. It wasn't much, but it was enough to display to Keith.

Lance didn't look at him, dropping his hand and his face growing red, for some reason embarrassed when Keith didn't say anything.

"That's.." Keith trailed off quietly, and Lance tensed. "When?"

"About a month ago. There were tiny signs before that, I guess," Lance said. He occupied himself with adding more ice to the tip of the floating chunk he had created, secured by a layered ice sheet surrounding it. He was mostly doing it to release the pressure he felt, the activity helping with calming him.

"Is this why your room is so cold?"

"Yeah. Sometimes, while I'm sleeping it.. Explodes out of me. It hasn't done it in a while, but I think the cold is permanent." Lance pursed his lips, knowing that he'd have to tell him _why_  after saying that.

"Why?" Keith asked as Lance had predicted.

"Nightmares. Really bad ones. This space war really messed with my head."

Keith went quiet. Lance didn't know what to make of his silence, so he didn't say anything, continuing his ice tower. The ice ended up becoming too much, the entire structure tipping and flipping over, revealing the much shorter bottom. Lance started to create ice on that side, except making it a lot neater.

"No wonder why Allura told me to keep a closer eye on you. She knows, doesn't she?" Keith said, and Lance blinked at him.

His annoyed stance on Allura thinking she can hide it from him came back, and Lance huffed. "It's stupid. I _know_ she knows, and she's acting like I'm completely oblivious about what's happening to me. And the fact that she's hiding something this huge when it's _affecting_ me.."

Having letting his ice be released from his hand, it unintentionally started to come from the rest of his body, too, in response to his anger. Hearing Keith's step back, he realized the frost creeping out from beneath where he was sitting and quickly tried to retract the icy sensation.

"Sorry, I'm-" Lance stood up, backing away from the lake. He didn't want Keith to think he was dangerous, and he might have ruined the chance that he wouldn't.

"Lance. It's fine, I get it."

"We shouldn't bunk together. I could end up hurting you," Lance said apprehensively, not able to meet his eyes.

"You won't."

Lance was able to look at him when he said that, just to see if he meant it or not. He hated how genuine he looked. Like Keith seriously believed it. "You don't know that. I don't think you understand. I could accidentally freeze you to death, Keith."

"We can figure something out," he insisted. "If it gets bad enough, I'll wake you up."

"How? You need to sleep too, Keith."

"We can get you a bell. You said they're night-terrors, right? You should be moving when they start. And it'll make it ring."

Lance snorted at the idea. "A bell? Will you even wake up from that?"

"I'm a light sleeper," Keith said plainly. "You won't have to deal with another night terror, too."

"Where would we even get one? This planet might not even have those invented.."

"Actually, I've seen a few attached to door knobs. I guess to alert the owners of when anyone opens their door."

Anything Lance said, Keith had a counter for it. He sighed.

"Is _that_  where you got the inspiration?" He mumbled, crossing his arms. It was clear that he had given up.

"We should find a shop. I have some of this planets currency since I'm in charge of maintaining our food and water. We can find a bell and buy one," Keith pulled out a decorated square from his jacket pocket- he actually uses those- that Lance figured was cash.

 

 

That was how they ended up in a store, large windows on every wall that showed the marketing inside. At least, he hoped it was a store. He was unsure since it could have been a house and they misinterpreted the appearance. There weren't any employees, too. Lance didn't know what to expect from the alien planet.

After a couple of hours of their landing, it seemed that people had begun to slowly emerge from where they'd been hiding. As if they were waiting to see if they were a threat or not, and had decided that they weren't after careful observation. They had gotten weird looks during their walk, the few people brave enough to make themselves visible keeping their distance. 

There were shallow, wooden boxes sitting on tables with signs on the front of each, their language printed on the planks. Inside of the boxes were items lined out side-by-side, and Lance was beginning to give himself a headache as he tried to figure out what their uses could be.

A box contained a soft looking block, that looked like soap but also could have been food. Lance was very tempted to _touch_ , but didn't in fear of how it would react. Keith was looking around, trying to find the item they were looking for. Distracted, he nearly forgot what they were there for.

"You think they have a translator?" Lance asked. He wasn't sure how they were going to do the transaction if they couldn't understand the person selling the items.

"No idea. Do you have yours?"

"Nope. Even if they do have one, I doubt it'll have English cataloged. Earth isn't really part of the network thing the rest of the universe has." Lance said, speaking a little louder as Keith got further to the other end of the store, behind a few short shelves.

"I found them."

Lance headed towards where he was, and Keith already had one in his hand, a thick, black ribbon laced through a small gray, round bell. It looked a lot like the bells they had on Earth, and it made sense, giving that the mechanics would have to be similar for it to ring properly.

"Can you tell how much it is?"

"Yeah. Do you want to put it on now, or.." Keith said, holding it up stretched out, and Lance couldn't tell if he was offering to give it to him or put it on for him.

"Yeah, it's getting dark anyway. We'll have to head back soon."

Lance was about to grab it when Keith wrapped the ribbon around his wrist the moment he'd lifted it to take it. He double knotted it, the hold tight but not too tight that it broke off circulation. Lance studied it, a soft ring coming from the item at a slight turn of his hand.

Lance- like most things with Keith- didn't know what to make of the gesture. He could just be overthinking. Lance's self-hating brain was insisting that Keith only did it because he didn't trust Lance to make a proper knot.

"How?"

Lance looked up from his wrist at the question, Keith having retracted his hands.

His tone mirrored the one he had when he asked the voice the exact same thing. Utterly confused.

"How did it happen?" Lance didn't need the confirmation. He was aware that was what he was asking, but he was stalling so he could give himself time to construct an answer. Lance hadn't immediately told Keith that he was Altean, and water manipulation didn't come from humans. Keith had to of already had an idea.

"Are you half alien, too?" Keith suggested, maybe in hope that he wasn't going to be the only half-alien on the team.

Lance shook his head, "Full."

"But, you look.."

"Human. Yeah. I'm permanently shifted or something." Lance was really beating around the bush, but it was difficult for him to be suddenly releasing it. After keeping it so closely knit to himself for so long, it didn't feel right to be unwinding those knits for Keith to know. Though Lance knew he should, and he trusted Keith...

 _'Why do you trust Keith after what he did?'_ His conscious asked him.

 _He's been making up for it! He's done a lot for us.._ Lance thought back.

"Shifted?"

"About a week ago, I found out I was Altean." Lance let out the statement like he was confessing a crime. That was exactly how it felt, considering his methods of discovering that.  

Keith stared at him. _Really_ stared. It took about a minute until Lance realized he was likely trying to figure out how the hell that was even possible, and Lance didn't have any idea either. So he stared right back, not having an answer for his silent question.

"..You're sure? How does that.." Keith questioned him, and Lance realized he was probably trying to pick out any signs in him that could show he was actually Altean.

He rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't have said that if I wasn't _sure_ , Keith. One, I saw photos- don't ask -and doesn't it explain why Allura was suddenly being so critical about my well-being?" Okay, maybe he was getting a little defensive, but not on purpose.  Lance didn't like getting one of his huge secrets shot down.

"You grew up in Cuba, right? Are you adopted?"

"I would've had to be. None of my family are Altean," Lance didn't mention the dream he had. He couldn't. There wasn't really a way to explain him suddenly remembering something that major. The infection was the one thing that _would_  stay a secret until he solved it on his own. If Keith found out, nothing else would matter. Keith would tell Coran and Allura as soon as he could, and they would think he was being mind controlled if he were to tell them to not get rid of it. And poof, there goes his hand...

That reminded him of the entity, the thing that hadn't made much of a buzz since it requesting to not die and Lance getting thrown into the astral plane. Something he still had no explanation for, and now Lance was paranoid about Haggar being inside of him again.

His skin felt gross at the thought. Lance could be betraying Keith without even meaning to because he's too stupid and desperate to let his hand get amputated.

Keith was about to say something when a figure came in to view in the corner of Lance's eye.

"Hi," the woman said, holding her hand out. She wore a tan button shirt and black pants. Her skin and eyes had the same color as the man they were staying with, except she was shorter with long, pale green hair.

Lance blinked. "Hi?"

"Hi," she repeated.

Keith had taken back out his money and held it out to her. At that moment, Lance understood and felt incredibly stupid simultaneously.

"Jev," she said as she studied the bills. She nodded, handing back one.

Lance took that as their cue to leave, and speed-walked to the door.

"Remind me to not forget the translators next time. That was too confusing," Lance muttered.

"I'm surprised you didn't try flirting with her."

That annoyed Lance a tiny bit, but he couldn't blame him for thinking that if he happened to be serious. Keith sounded more like he was joking, anyway.

Keith. Joking. With Lance. 

"I'm surprised you didn't almost kill her when she came out of nowhere." Lance prodded at the maybe-joke, testing the waters.

"Looks like we've both gotten better at things."

The rest of the walk was quiet. Lance saw what resembled birds darting through the sky at lightning speed, trailing each other into the distance. Soft jingling came from his bell, in sync with his footsteps, mindlessly following Keith.

The sound dug up memories of home, when he had brought in an opossum, believing it was a really ugly cat since it was the first time he'd seen one. He was ten at the time and thought he saved it when it "came back to life" after taking it inside and leaving it alone in a box. In truth, it had been playing dead and decided that Lance wasn't an actual threat after a few hours.

He had tied a bell around its neck, planning on letting it roam around the house. Lance didn't want to step on it on accident, so he put it on to warn him of its presence.

Of course, when he let it out of the cardboard box, his madre lost her mind. She had come home to it under the dining room table. His siblings found it hilarious, which made her even madder.

Lance had become that opossum. He _was_.

"..You're a what?"

Did he say that out loud? "Nothing."

Lance hadn't thought about home for a while. The dream he had must have subconsciously kept his childhood on his mind. It was frustrating how he could remember that, but nothing pertaining to his Altean heritage.

He poked at Blue's energy mentally.

She only hummed. No reply.

"Are you feeling okay?" Keith asked, no longer stepping ahead of him, placing himself next to Lance.

"Yeah. Thinking," he responded, sounding detached.

"About?"

"Aren't you curious.." Lance said under his breath. Keith was getting more bold with his questions. Was that a sign that they had gotten closer? Lance didn't know if he liked it or not. It had pros and cons. Mostly cons.

_Avoid, avoid. Don't answer with anything serious._

He wouldn't be lying to Keith. He had to admit that they _had_ become friends, so it was a lot harder to lie to him. But Lance would lead him off track, use half-truths and never tell him anything he didn't have to. What he always did.

_'That's manipulation, Lance.'_

For a split second, Lance's heart rate spiked in a feeling mixed with hope and fear, thinking it was the voice. Quickly, he realized that it was his own conscious, though, pointing out the obvious.

Lance didn't like that term. It was _survival_. Some things just couldn't be out in the open. Yet.

 _Yet_.

If anything bad happened involving him and the entity, he would cut his hand off _himself_. Lance swore on that. He just couldn't tell them about what learned.

_He really, really hoped that wouldn't have to be the case._

"I had a pet opossum once," Lance finally responded, trying to distract himself from his internal crisis. See, he _was_  thinking about that. Lance just wasn't mentioning what was really bothering him. 

"Of course you did."

"For like, a day. My mom found it and I got in serious trouble. I put a bell on it, like the one I'm wearing right now. 'Cause I didn't want to step on it on accident. It was small."

Keith went quiet, and Lance thought he might have said something wrong- fearing he weirded him out. He didn't know why he was suddenly scared of something like that, considering how much he purposefully annoyed Keith in the past. It was more proof of how much things had changed.

"What happened to it?" Keith asked.

Lance pondered that, trying his best to think back. Keith hadn't sounded weirded out at all, which was comforting enough for him to actually want to continue. He wasn't weirded out by his ice, and he wasn't weirded out by his choice of a pet as a kid. It was likely only because Keith had seen so much already, but it was still nice to receive when all Lance expected was the worst.

"I let it go. A few days later, I found the bell. The morning after, a dead opossum on the side of the road. I had no clue if it was the same one or not because they're impossible to tell apart. I used to think about it a lot, and it almost became a paradox to me. Since I never knew if it was my opossum dead or not, stuck between grieving and not grieving," Lance spoke as he gradually remembered, going along with the memories as they surfaced.

Lance didn't want to die. It was possible, but he didn't want to. After everything was over, he could just.. Disappear. No one would know if he died or not. Just like the opossum.

"You shouldn't compare yourself to an opossum. It's more like a cat thing."

Lance let out short laughter at that. Keith looked very confused, which made it even more funny to Lance, but he managed to stop laughing enough to fit in a reply.

"Yep, I thought it was an ugly cat when I first found it. It fits perfectly. I'm like an ugly cat you found that turned out to be an opossum."

"You're not ugly."

Keith sounded serious, _too_  serious for Lance at that moment. He didn't know what to say to that, other than crack a joke, but he didn't want to ruin it.

Keith didn't find him ugly, and that made him feel a little less terrible about his appearance. He hadn't been taking care of himself well at all since waking up from the coma, and he knew he didn't look his best as a consequence.

Lance didn't recognize the building they were staying in until Keith started walking towards it. Night was slowly turning in, the pale blue sky fading into a deep purple. Lance wanted to know what was causing the atmosphere to have that color, his eyes flickering across the sky to see if there was a second sun that he somehow had missed. 

 

 

"Have you tried shifting back?"

Keith and he were in their assigned room. It was smallish, a metal bunk bed against the wall with thick mattresses that had a questionably squishy inside. There were no legs to the bottom bunk, the frame flat on the floor. There was dresser lower than Lance's knees on the opposite side, a stool beside it. The ground was carpeted with what felt like cat hair - _that_ was _a disturbing image_ \- with beige walls. Overall, it was _very_  bland and suffocating, and Lance would much rather sleep in his lion..

Diverting his attention to Keith, he tilted his head. Lance never tried or thought about trying.

"No," he answered. "I could try, though."

"Not tonight. You're sleeping," Keith said sternly, making sure Lance knew that there would be no fighting with that. Lance wondered how tired he looked for Keith to be _that_  adamant about him sleeping.

"Yeah, yeah. I don't think it'll be easy for you to wake me up if you're on a bed beneath or above me. What if you can't get to me fast enough? You'll end up frozen."

"I'll make a spot next to the bottom bunk."

"On the _floor_? You'll sleep terribly and turn in to Grouchy Keith," Lance said, like it was a factual statement, adding in the last bit to cover up the bit of him that was actually concerned for him. Keith didn't really sleep the best, either. And Lance didn't really know why, other than because of Shiro possibly being dead.

That was something the team as a whole seriously had to address. If they weren't going to bring it up, Lance would.

"We can take turns. I'll take the floor tonight."

Lance stared at the bunk, thinking about when he used to sleep in one and any alternatives. "Can the mattress be taken off the top?" He asked, a finger on his chin.

Keith looked at Lance for a second, then walked over to the bunk bed, climbing to the top. He pulled it up from its place, then pushed it off the side. The mattress landed on the floor with a soft _thump_ , the pillow and blanket raining down after it.

"Well that's solved.."

New issue. One that shouldn't have mattered to Lance at all. Their mattresses were nearly at the same level, and Keith would be sleeping directly next to him. Lance wasn't sure if he could get entirely used to sleeping so close to another person. Especially Keith.

Lance kept quiet about it. "What if I adjust in my sleep, it makes the bell ring, and you get woken up for no reason?" He pointed out instead.

"Better safe than sorry."

Lance hated how much Keith was willing to help him. He didn't even feel like he deserved it, giving how much more he was hiding from him.

 _'It's not like he actually cares about you. He's only doing it because he feels obliged to after almost killing you,'_  his brain supplied.

The same reason why he believed Allura didn't actually care about him.

No, Keith was different. He was different.

_Is he really?_

With that, and the paranoia of accidentally killing Keith, Lance didn't sleep much.

 

 

Lance woke up from his blink of sleep to a buzz in his head. He nearly darted up, stopping himself before he could make a sudden movement that could wake up Keith.

"You have some answering to do," Lance hissed so quietly that it was practically a breath.

His wrist was beginning to burn. The occurrence was often enough that it was more of a nuisance than anything, as long as the pain didn't get as bad as it did when he fought the druid. Lance recognized the feeling almost immediately, tying in with the uncontrollable twitch of his hand.

Everything he'd thought before was going to waste at that. Lance pulled his lips in, pressing down hard enough that they went white, clenching the hand that wanted to remove the bandage so badly.

That, on top of the missing time and being put in another mind space..

Suddenly, it crossed his mind that it may have been more than just him passing out. Had it possessed him without Lance having any control over that? His insides felt cold, a primal fear screaming at him to get rid of the threat. The one thing he had been trying to avoid, and he stupidly let it happen without having a clue.

 _It had tricked him!_  He nearly believed it!

His hand had to go. And fast.

Keith was still sleeping, completely undisturbed. Compared to what was going on inside of Lance, it was a surreal sight. Lance still hadn't moved an inch.

He didn't want to wake him.

His hand moved, to his own accord, fighting against the urge to take off the bandage.

_"Trust... me."_

The dry tone could barely be made out, yet pierced through his skull, a demanding order that made Lance's movements cramp up involuntarily. Noise couldn't be made to alert Keith, fearing what it would do. Coran's warning about the possibilities felt all too real. He didn't want to hurt Keith. Keith said he wouldn't. There would be no way in hell Lance could ever forgive himself if he tried to kill him, mind control or not.

His bandaged hand very slowly reached to his other one that had the bell, his fingers jerking as it was forcefully moved. Lance felt like he was watching someone else's hands do the action, completely losing feeling.

He tried- tried _so_  hard to fight against it, but his mind was completely taken over. Lance was watching through someone else's eyes, impossibly attempting to take back control while he felt his mind break down in pure _panic_.

_Please don't hurt him. Not anyone. Please, please, please-_

The knot was undone, the bell very gently set on the bed as his legs mechanically placed themselves to the edge of the bed, narrowly placing his feet at the space between Keith's mattress and his own.

Walking for the entity was like watching a very bad puppeteer. His legs didn't quite move right, his arms hanging limply from his sides, something strongly inhuman trying it's hardest to appear human. Lance hardly calmed when it didn't pay any notice to Keith, walking right past him and towards the attached bathroom their room had.

It dropped to the tiled floor uncaringly once it had pushed the door shut behind it, as if it's strings had been cut, before it gathered Lance's limbs closer to his torso and shifted to it's knees.

It half-crawled over to the bathtub, throwing it's arms over the edge so they were inside.

_"Trust me."_

The bandage was clumsily unwrapped. And Lance was abruptly shown the reason for it's actions.

The old burn was glowing a dark purple that Lance instantly associated with corrupted quintessence. Particles were lifting themselves off the pure black oozing from the deepest parts of the permanent handprint.

Lance quit fighting.

The bandage was thrown off to the side, and he watched his hand grab his injured wrist, aligning the grip to the shape of the handprint. In seconds, ice completely filled the space. The purple quintessence that had been escaping became.. Blue? Before the source had been too thickly covered to let out anymore.

'Did that.. Why didn't you just tell me?!' Lance yelled in his head, not even sure if it could hear him or not. He was very much relieved that it helped him but was equally confused. And disgusted.

"You.. wouldn't... have listened," it said very carefully, the words sounding eerily off as it used Lance's vocal cords. The response answered Lance's question of if it was able to hear him, and it was a good excuse, but Lance was absolutely _not_  okay with it using his voice, or body for that matter. It sent chills down his spine, and that was the point where he felt extremely invaded.

He needed control back. How was he even meant to ask for something like that? Would it even give up his own body willingly?

All at once, all his senses were returned to him. He wasn't prepared for the sudden gift of movement when it was thrown back at him, his body jolting and Lance falling backward from his sitting position. The pain as he hit his head on the tiles was enough to help him fully register that he had his body back, doing the stereotypical feel-around-himself to check that he _had_  in fact returned.

"Explain. Now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is about 1,500 words longer than normal. lotsss happens!! yay for plot progression, and not so yay for not knowing if i'm pacing this properly..
> 
> my family has the flu. learn from this mistake and GET VACCINATED! if you can. the flu sucks bad!
> 
> thanks for reading <3


	11. Form

Lance thought about why he was doing it again. Looking at it from an outsiders view, he sounded like a total moron for even trying. A bigger moron because he was speaking to something that originally only wanted to kill him.

There was a long, stretched out silence. The only sign that it was still there came from the buzz that remained inside his head.

_"You're right about Haggar. We're connected. The thing you saw just now was the infection trying to spread, so she could strengthen it."_

_That_ was a major bombshell to drop. Obvious, maybe- Lance had already thought that they were connected -but hearing the confirmation caused alarms to go off inside of Lance's head, telling him to do _something_  about it. Anything.

_"I stopped it. Don't do anything drastic. Your ice contains your pure quintessence. It's been fighting it off, and freezing it has stopped what it was doing."_

Lance calmed down considerably. "Is that why you're not as bad as you used to be?" He asked, lowering his voice to a hushed whisper, more cautious about the male sleeping just outside the bathroom.

Keith had said he was a light sleeper. Lance wasn't sure how the hell he hadn't woken up yet. The materials the walls were made of could be soundproof. Still, he would stay quiet.

_"It was making me deranged. Weakening the infection is making me weak, too. That's why I was gone for so long. I lost my ability to communicate."_

"Wait, if I'm purifying you, then does that mean you were originally a pure entity?" Lance said his thoughts as they came, pulling his knees to his chest.

_"I don't remember anything at all before you absorbed me. All I know is that I'm lost."_

"Lost?" Lance mumbled to himself. It seemed that there was a lot more to uncover about the thing trapped inside him. Thinking about when he blacked out, he had to ask, "Did you possess me when I.."

_"I didn't mean to, but yes. I didn't do anything. I think when that happened, it.. Restored something. If I used to have a body, that's what it was. It made me more aware."_

Lance could sense what that was leading up to. "So, you want me to let you take the reigns _again?_  No." It was hard trying to sound intimidating when he was whispering, but he tried to sound as stern as possible.

 _"I've had two opportunities now to betray you and do what I can to completely take over. Yet I'm purposefully making myself weaker. If taking over your body for a few minutes is helping me regain my self of being, then it's what_ we _need."_

It didn't have to elaborate any further than that. Lance was aware that it was talking about how it said it could help, and he needed to do his part too with whatever being "lost" meant. 

"Okay. Okay! Fine. But do _not_  shove me back into that void. Do _anything_  and we're over."

Lance didn't acknowledge how weird that sounded. Like they were in a relationship. He guessed they were. Some weird, fucked up relationship where they shared one head. Except over wasn't as simple as a breakup. It would be an amputation.

Ignoring his incredibly weird analogy, he thought back to the memory. The first thing that popped up was the question of how exactly it got that memory anyway, or how it even knew about Lance's plot to kill it, and he cringed.

"Are you.. Spying on me? Or going through my brain? That's gonna be rule number two. Stay out of my head. Ask before rooting anything up," Lance's tone was more spooked than he wanted it to be.

 _"The infection is too weak for Haggar to access your head,"_ it said in its constant monotone, completely missing the point.

" _Besides_  that. It's-" Lance didn't know how to describe privacy to a supposed lost soul. "Private stuff. I can't have you reading my thoughts all the time," he said to it. He wasn't quite whispering, but his voice was still as quiet as he could subconsciously keep it.

He was trying really hard to come to some sort of understanding with it, acknowledging the fact that it wasn't blindly murderous anymore. But humanizing it to come to that understanding was hard when he was communicating with a disembodied voice in his head. Lance definitely looked crazy. He _was_ crazy.

Lance blinked, and suddenly there was a flower in front of him, sprouting from the ground cleanly. The flower was small, five blue pointed petals and white middle. He tilted his head, _'what the fuck'_ ing under his breath, and reached out to touch it.

His hand went right through.

"You did that." Lance scowled. "I told you to stay out of my head."

He decided to ignore how it had made him hallucinate that it was there. Lance would start that lecture later. 

_"You said talking to something would help."_

"I didn't  _say_ anything." He pressed. Lance quirked a brow. "And you want me to talk to a _flower_?"

It was gone the next time Lance blinked. From the corner of his eye, he caught sight of yet another hallucination. Lance snapped his eyes off, and they widened at the sight of his _sister._  Veronica. She looked way too real, and that was too fucking freaky. She was wearing the same outfit she had on the last time Lance had seen her, and she looked real enough that it was like Lance had never really left.

He could remember her saying, "I'm proud of you," when he got accepted into one of the most elite schools on the planet. Before he left Cuba and moved into the Garrison. 

"No, nope. Nope. Choose an animal. Not someone I know." He rushed out, a sinking feeling in his stomach that was a mix of sadness and loss. Why was he going along with what it was doing, instead of telling it to stop making him see things? It didn't seem like a bad idea, though. It could help.

Thankfully, 'Veronica' disappeared. He almost wished that she hadn't. Even if it really wasn't her. Lance wanted to see his family again so badly at that moment.

Despite what Hunk had said to him- god he needed to talk to him again, he was such a terrible friend - and Keith, he still was scared that he wasn't ever going to be able to see them again. You couldn't see anyone if you were dead.

A raven was the next thing to appear. Not a crow like he nearly thought. Its body and beak were too large for it to be a crow. A little creepy, but it was a step up from the other forms. He liked ravens, too.  The fake bird matched the voice, giving its deep black color and sophisticated appearance.

"Can you.. Keep that. Always, so I don't get anxiety wondering when the hell you're gonna pop in and out of existence. Just don't scare me or do anything freaky." Lance had to add the last bit. The last request was futile because he didn't think the entity really understood what did or did not scare him, but it was worth mentioning.

Lance wondered if seeing a raven would actually be better than the entity arriving out of the blue. Either way, he was still tired of talking to the air. Lance guessed he would still look crazy if someone were to walk in on him talking to it since he was the only one that could see it.

Lance poked the bird. Well, not really. His finger went right through, like trying to touch a projection. Yeah, that's what he would call it instead. He didn't like calling the bird a hallucination. Projection sounded a lot better and it kind of made more sense.  
  
_"When can I.."_ The voice said slowly, in a tone that reminded him of when his sister wanted her turn on the family computer when they were kids.

Lance shuddered, still not really comfortable with the idea. "I don't know. You'll only have night to do it since I don't have my own room." He eyed the raven. The projection's head was cocked, a beady eye on the side of its head staring directly at him. Lance was weirded out, but not panick-attack inducing weird. Progress. "Not tonight. Tomorrow." Lance instantly regretted saying tomorrow. He wouldn't be able to hold it off now that he already said he would do it.

The raven craned its neck, then disappeared, taking the buzz with it. Lance could tell it accepted the arrangement. Definitely no going back.

"Hey, Lance? You in there?"

Lance shot up from the floor, yanking the door open a little faster than necessary. Had he heard anything? Purposefully, he kept his frozen hand behind the door that had opened it. A last minute decision when he realized he didn't have the bandage on.

"You left your bell. Why?" Keith asked. More like interrogated.

Lance was relieved. Based on that alone, Keith either didn't hear or wasn't lurking long enough to have known what he was talking about.

"Sorry, I um. Didn't want to wake you up. You looked like you needed the sleep," Lance said. Not a complete lie. Keith did deserve more sleep. And he _did_ look more alive.

"Don't worry about me, Lance. Allura will kill me if you die on my watch." Keith spoke like that was the only reason why he cared. Lance knew he was probably not being serious, but that knife inside of him was stabbing him with his thoughts from the previous day. The ones that kept saying Keith didn't really care.

"Sorry if that stressed you out," _or annoyed_ _you,_  Lance added mentally. It was still odd to Lance that he was being insecure about being annoying when it came to Keith. Keith and he used to argue a lot. He guessed they still did occasionally. Not the same as before, though. Instead of arguing about things like missions and petty insults like they used to, all of their arguments were small and based around Keith forcing him to take care of himself. A few weeks had passed, over a month since Keith had started monitoring him. 

Keith gave him _that l_ ook. The one that Lance got a lot. He was studying him. Lance knew Keith was only looking out for him and was rightfully concerned, but he was becoming annoyed at his lack of freedom. He was mildly annoyed at it before, but the tics inside of him were sparking and making it worse. Interacting with the entity may have been the cause of it, and that was what got Lance to shove it down. 

Forcing himself to not show his annoyance, he swallowed. "I'll be out in a couple of seconds." 

Then he shut the door. He unintentionally didn't wait for Keith to respond, and he cursed when he realized how that could have given red flags. Sighing, he tried not to care, telling himself that it wasn't that big of a deal and if Keith got upset at that, it wasn't his problem. 

He turned to the bathtub, crouching down and grabbing the bandage inside. Having no expertise in applying it himself, he didn't have any idea if it would even stick back on. For a second, he considered lying and saying it fell off, but it didn't look like it was something that would just 'fall off'. That wasn't worth the risk. 

From the corner of his eye, a black shape fluttered. Lance jolted, his brain registering what the source was just fast enough for him to keep himself from making any sound in surprise. 

"That's gonna be hard getting used to," he breathed out. The thing wouldn't have moved if it wasn't trying to get his attention. He glared, not wanting to test to see if Keith could hear him by asking what it wanted. Lance could ask in his head, but he didn't know how exactly that worked and didn't want to encourage the entity listening to his thoughts.

_''You have to get rid of the ice, first. What are you gonna say when you have to get a new one and they see that?''_

"I knew that." Lance lied, biting his tongue. One of the things he hated about himself was how his brain got so cluttered that it missed important things like that. Stupid, stupid, stupid-

He wished he hadn't left his notebook. He needed to start storing his thoughts again. He had been too distracted with a lot of things to have time to do it, but for once in his life, it seemed like a lot was clearing up. 

He also temporarily lost a major source of information. The library. So much had happened that he didn't have the time or energy to attempt a break-in.

And he lost his room. His sanctuary, the only place he had full privacy. Blue was out of the question, too. There was no way for him to get to her alone and unnoticed. 

Lance felt a headache arising as he slowly retracted the ice into his opposite hand, not knowing how absorbing it through the wound would affect him. He took the bandage and began to re-wrap it, greatly wishing that it would re-stick as he did. 

To his relief, it had. It looked almost exactly the same, but there was an unpleasant feeling beneath it. Lance hoped that it would go away eventually, or that he would get a new one from Coran soon. 

Opening the bathroom door, he glanced around the room. Keith was gone. There was an ache in his chest. He might have been overthinking, but that didn't make him feel any less guilty. Lance didn't think that Keith was allowed to leave him alone. It had looked that way, at least. Maybe Lance had annoyed him enough that he decided to leave. 

 _'He's not supposed to do that,'_ he thought. 'I'm being irrational.'

Knowing it was irrational didn't make him feel any better.

On his way to the door, he grabbed his bell, fumbling with the strings to re-tie the item as he walked. When he stepped out, Keith was standing in the gray-green toned hall with one of the planet's inhabitants.

The tightness in Lance's chest vanished in relief. Keith  _hadn't_ left him. As he got closer, he spotted two chips in his hand.

"Lance," Keith said once Lance was just beside him. "New translators. We have to get them implanted, though." He said. Keith said a short, "thanks" to the man that Lance guessed the translators had come from. The alien turned around, walking down the hall.

Lance waited until he was gone to speak. "From who? I thought this place was kind of outdated."

"Village head. They're apparently not that outdated."

"I'm not putting that thing in me until we know what exactly is on it. Have the others already done it?" Lance said, weary.

"Of course not. Seems really weird that they would just _give_ it to us after they didn't want us here in the first place." Keith held out one of the chips towards Lance between two fingers.

Grabbing it, he squinted at the small object. It was metallic, lines engraved over both sides. The design wasn't universal, Lance didn't recongize it at all, meaning it wasn't intended to go outside of the planet. A good sign? Unless it was specifically made for a source to stay encrypted.

A raven stood on the floor a bit away from Lance, sourly reminding him that the entity was still there. It was hard to not look at it, not wanting to raise suspicion by stating at air.

"Pidge is going back to her lion. She's gonna slip out and run some tests," Keith said. "After those attacks, we need to stay careful."

Lance nodded. "The attacks. Was anything found on the knife?"

"Not much. We don't have enough information to figure out the exact location where it came from. Those numbers are useless without anything to go off of," Keith sighed.

"Great. We have nothing," Lance mumbled.

"If there's something on those chips, we will. They could be working with the Galra."

"More like controlled without our knowledge. I doubt they would just _work with an alien race_."

"This isn't the Galra empire that we were used to. They're divided right now. This could be one of the factions doing it," Keith reasoned.

Lance didnt respond. Keith was right, and Lance distrusted the planet they were on even more. Handing the chip back to Keith, knowing he would have a better place to keep them other than Lance's pocket, he started down the hall. "How much of their food here poisonous to us?"

"A.. Lot. There's non-poisonous food on the table downstairs, though. Coran made sure of it. I don't think it really affects  _Alteans_  either way." Keith muttered the last bit. Lance elbowed him.

Keith grinned, an _evil grin_ and _no_ _t attractive at all_.

At least Lance didn't have to worry about dying from cross-contamination.

"Forgot to tell you. We have to talk to the village head. All of us."

Lance groaned. "Politics."

"You won't have to say that much, just answer questions. He just wants to know who the rest of us are," Keith reassured.

"Is there any time for us to go to the lake?"

"Yeah."

Lance's minimal positivity went up a tiny bit.

They were in the main room, and like Keith said, there was food on a table against a wall. Seeing fruit-like food he had eaten the day before, he reached for that first. He grabbed several of them in his hands and then resorted to using his arms as shelves as he got more.

Keith rolled his eyes, not literally but it had the same energy as the look he was giving Lance, and grabbed a few from him.

Lance smiled. "Let's hurry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO delayed but mental health and life has been a struggle as usual. ACTs are soon and im stressing really bad.
> 
> edit: uhhh, fixed some issues in this chapter. and my dumb self just realized why ive been barely getting any views and kudos. it's because i haven't been updating the publication date, so it's been sitting at the bottom of the bucket of fics... 
> 
> thank you to everyone that still reads and new readers that have reached this recent chapter!


	12. A Monster in Disguise

The sun was in full view, the sky a shade of pink that darkened to a blue at the horizon. The trees gave shade from the heat and shielded their eyes from the brightness, soft winds rustling the plant life around them. The colour of the sky gently reflected off the lake, the trees shade unable to reach it at the time of day, giving it a matching hue.

Lance had been explaining his ice to Keith. Telling someone about it was nice; It gave him an outlet for his thoughts other than his forgotten notebook, and there was a strange want he had to impress Keith.

"A sixth sense?" Keith tried to clarify.

"Yeah. It's weird. I just feel it, and push it out. When I'm creating it, at least. Other times its like I can.. Feel the energy? If its from an outside source."

Keith nodded, his brows furrowed in a way that showed he was thinking. Out of nowhere, his hand darted and he chucked one of the many fruits they brought with them towards the lake. Lance, with hardly a second thought and a wave of his hand, shot the water towards the air in its line of fire. Just barely clenching the stream of water, he successfully halted the fruit.

He would have felt pride if it wasnt for how he 'grabbed' it too hard, crushing the food in to a wrinkly, splitted mess. Lance winced, and his mind unhelpfully flashed him bits of one of his nightmares. He had completely forgotten about it, but now all he could think of was the imaginary child he had drowned.

 _'Naturally,'_ the voice repeated.

"Shut up," Lance murmured absently. But he knew it wouldn't.

"I didnt say anything," Keith said. Lance flushed, cursing to himself that he needed to quit replying out loud in front of people. "Did you do that on purpose?"

"N-no. I've never gotten to practice on actual objects. I need to work on controlling the strength, I guess."

"Yeah.. That sounds like a good idea," Keith said flatly.

He unsteadily pulled the water around the fruit towards him, it responding in a rolling wave. Once it was hovering in front of him, he let go, which wasnt the best idea. The fruit splatted on the grass in front of him grossly, completely falling apart in a gooey, pinkish mess, the water splashing his clothes.

Keith was sitting far enough to not get affected by the water, and Lance heard him snort and inhale. Lance looked at him, the corner of Keith's mouth twitching, clearly sucking back any laughter.

Lance didn't feel annoyed at all at that. He was glad for it, even. Keith distracted him from the dark place his mind seemed to always go.

He hadn't ever tried manipulating water from a distance, so the firm look of concentration on the water in front of Keith gave him away. Keith noticed too late, though, his brows raising just before Lance attempted to throw bits of water at him. Like before, though, too much force was put in to it and Lance unintentionally soaked him.

The glare spoke for itself.

Lance stood up when he saw Keith move towards him. Lance didn't doubt that he could throw him in the lake with minimal effort, so he was quick to think. Taking the risk, he stepped on the surface of the lake, ice exploding under his foot at the contact.

"Cheater!" Keith half-yelled, and it was comical how offended he sounded.

Lance wasn't able to get away in time, and Keith was just as much of a risk taker as he was. He grabbed Lance's arm right when he had taken his second step away from the surface, consequently causing Lance to stumble further back in to the lake.

Keith hadn't let go, his grip getting tighter in the frenzy -"I swear to god if you let us fall!"- getting pulled along with him. Panicking, he made sure that ice continued to form below his feet, struggling to keep himself from slipping.

They both caught their footing, and there was a moment of serenity where they both stood still, staring at each other inches apart, Lance's eyes wide. He wasnt sure if it was from the fear of slipping again or being completely mesmerized.

And Lance was tempted. Tempted with the fact that if he brought his face a tiny bit closer-

That was broken when cracking sounded beneath them. The ice wasnt enough for both of their weights in his frantic effort, and it cracked apart, all too fast for Lance to react in time.

Lance shrieked, which he'd never admit to, the two of them plummeting in to the lake. He had no idea how deep it actually went, the clearness giving the illusion that it was more shallow. Swimming was one of his only talents, the irony, and he was easily able to push back to the surface after the sink. Keith came up soon after, to his relief, his black hair clinging to his face that wore a murderous expression.

Lance put his swimming ability to use and swam as fast as he could to shore, standing and slipping in a wet heap in his rush. Keith was there soon after, and Lance managed to stand back up.

"How are we supposed to explain this when we get back?" He said sharply, looking on the verge of choking Lance.

"It isnt _my_ fault you grabbed my arm!" Lance defended.

Keith sighed, muttering- no, growling something under his breath.

"We need to get new clothes." Keith said, concluding whatever he was saying to himself before. "There's no time to dry them and we have no discreet way to."

"Do you have enough money for that?"

"We should."

"How would we even explain having new clothes?"

"I don't know. We need to be fast." Keith said, exasperated, already walking the direction towards the village.

Guilt settled in Lance's chest, and he purposefully strayed behind Keith's pace.

 

 

  
"..What are you wearing?" Allura asked, studying the clothes they had bought.

Keith and Lance looked just like the other citizens of the village. Incredibly plain browns, with greens and blues layered underneath. Keith had a bag where their wet clothes were, and he hoped she wouldn't point it out.

Keith opened his mouth to speak, but Lance interrupted, having already formed an excuse. They hadn't been able to decide on what to say on the way there. Their hair had dried on the way there, though considerably more messy than when they left.

"I figured we'd look less alien if we dressed like them. More comforting," Lance said slowly, eyes going to Keith to see if he approved. Keith rolled his eyes at him, an action Lance more than expected.

"Good thinking, but I wish you had shared the idea instead of going off on your own," Allura said calmly. "Too late for it now. He's already here."

"I thought we were going there?" Keith said, confused by the sudden change of plans.

"I thought so too." Allura looked towards the entrance of a separate room of the small inn, narrowing her eyes, and Lance took a guess that the village head was in there. He patted down his hair slightly, running his fingers through it to re-tame the slight poof it had turned in to.

"Has Pidge finished the scan?" Lance said as quiet as he could, just loud enough for Keith and Allura to hear him.

"No. She had to come back before he got here," she whispered just as quiet, "but she said we were right to be suspicious."

"What does that mean?" Keith whispered frantically.

Suddenly, the door Allura had looked towards opened. A lanky alien was revealed on the other side. He looked much like the others that lived on the planet, but he had three eyes rather an two, each a deep black colour. Other than that, he closely resembled the man that ran the inn. Lance wondered if they were related in some way.

"I'm glad you finally came. We have much to discuss," he said in a voice that was just slightly an octive lower than the inn's owner. He pushed the door further open, standing on the outside of it and holding out his hand, motioning them inside.

As Lance walked, the raven that had been sticking nearby fluttered next to where he stood.

'There's something familiar about this man,' he said. Lance felt his heart leap, yet kept a stoic face. Now he felt like the old man's eyes were on him.

'Can you hear me? You can listen to my thoughts, what do you mean by familiar?'

'His energy, its similar to my own.'

Lance sat down in a seat. Pidge and Hunk were already sitting at the table that sat in the middle of the smallish meeting room. He'd completely zoned out, not realizing his surroundings until he'd already sat down in a chair.

He kept his focus on the old man. This wasn't the chief. Lance was almost sure of that. His kept his heartbeat steady. _Calm, calm, calm, calm..._

'Is he possessed?'

'I can't tell.'

'If you could sense him, does that mean he can sense us?'

The raven didnt reply.

From the side of his vision, he saw Keith sit down beside him, giving him a curious look. Lance's eyes refused to look away from the village's head. Doing so felt like putting himself in danger.

The sudden silence from the voice didn't help his fear either.

"Welcome to our meadow. As we are on official terms, you may call me Gioven."

 _Gioven_  bowed his head slightly, and after a second it was apparent that he was waiting for something.

"Keith." Keith said first, then nudged Lance.

"..Lance," he caught on.

The rest of his team said their names.

"Good," Gioven said with a tilted smile. But it didnt look to be directed at all of them. Despite his eyes being a pure black, Lance felt like he was staring at him alone. The otherwise cheery tone felt sinister.

_Or maybe I'm being paranoid as always._

A conversation started, one that Lance completely zoned out of, too indulged in his thoughts. He tried his best to not look how he felt at that moment. _Don't look suspicious._

"Lance, I see that you are injured."

Attention was on him, Lance not immediately registering that he was being spoken to until he noticed he was under everyone's gaze. He shifted uncomfortably, barely able to remember what was said to him since he was too focused on fabricating a plan.

Gioven blinked at him, "Do you need assistance with it? We are more than happy to help."

"No, it's healing fine. Thank you, though." Lance didn't want to talk to him, but knew that silence wasn't much of an option.

"You didnt get injured here, _did you_?"

Now the old man was really pushing it. There was something ominous behind the seemingly innocent question. Lance's eyes flickered across the room, briefly looking at the others. Only Hunk seemed to have been weirded out by it, and seeing that he wasnt the only one was reassuring.

"No. Just a mistake during a mission," Lance forced out in an even tone. He tried to downplay and keep it as simple as possible to keep him from asking anymore questions about it.

"Well," the light glinted on his eyes, showing their movement, "I'm glad to see that you're all in good health. In a time like this, we need strength."

And they diverged in to discussion again.

Good was the furthest term for how he was. But he figured Gioven already knew that.

Lance needed to figure out a way for him to see who Gioven really was. If he carried the same energy, then that meant he had corrupted quintessence, right? His last encounter with corrupted aliens were rogue Galra when they infiltrated the ship. He had to fight one off, and the invader had put him in extruciating pain during the process. All she had to do was grab him, and she knew what exactly was wrong with him too.

If the old man had the same ability as her, then he would be able to cause the same effect. At the same time, that would mean that he knew about him being corrupted, too.

Lance's mind was spinning. What could he do? He wished he could tell the others, Keith in particular, and get backup on the situation. But he couldn't, not without them finding out. Lance was on his own. The only thing that was in his favour was them already suspecting the old man.

He waited for the meeting to finish. The old man stood, opening the door and standing there to farewell them out.

Lance would do an experiment. On his way out, he'd "unintentionally" brush his hand against him. He needed confirmation.

So, he did. He made sure he was the last person to leave, walking at just enough distance that his hand could get contact.

A rash decision, but it worked. Lance felt the exact same pain in his wrist as before, except much more mild. That was all he needed. The problem now was that he didn't have anymore doubt about whether or not the old man knew about him. Having his back turned while walking away was intensely nervewracking, his fingers twitching as he tried to bite back the primal urge to turn back around and fight. It was easy to tell where that tense temptation had come from, giving the buzz in his head that had increased in volume.

Each time he blinked, more ravens appeared. Lance felt a rising panic.

"Calm. Down." He went upstairs, unsure of his direction, just wanting to get away. Lance needed to find a place to hide, so that if he had another episode, it would at least not be in front of anyone else. He watched the numbering system on the doors he passed, waiting until he found one unmarked.

Finally, he had found one, opening the door and seeing some sort of a storage closet. He shut himself inside, and sat on the floor.

"What the hell is your problem?" He said. At least twenty ravens filled the closet. He could hardly think straight with the buzz and the voice's.. emotions? Causing his brain to go haywire.

_'I don't know who it is. I **want** to know, but I can't. I can't remember anything. When you did that, it gave me a glimpse. Like a forgotten dream. But I can't make it out.'_

Lance didn't know what to say. Each day the voice was becoming less of a voice, and more of a person. It was undoubtedly alarming, and he was struggling to get used to it. He hadn't even noticed how much the way it sounded had changed. It was less distorted, and more male.

The buzzing reminded Lance of how he was at the start. Murderous and cruel. But it wasn't that way, not anymore.

Lance was surrounded by frost. The storage room was about to become a deep freezer if he didn't calm down. Lance evened out his breathing that had become erratic.

"You know the person possessing him?"

'It appears so.'

But how? Lance didn't have any ideas. He got possessed from a planet light years away from where they were. He had assumed that what was inside of him had come from one of the mass of dead bodies flowing in the black river. The odds of Gioven having gotten the same possession from the same place were close to nothing. What Lance _did_ know was that the old man being possessed meant that the village had to of gotten some type of contact to the outside, opposite of what they had been told.

His theory about his infection had to change, too. To what, Lance had no idea. He felt more lost than ever.

He then remembered how Haggar was actively trying to take him over. And the attackers on the ship being Galra. The planet they were on wanting protection from the Galra. That's what it always boiled down to. He wasnt being possessed by a random citizen from a cursed planet. And if he wasn't overthinking it, Haggar most likely had control over Gioven and was planning on taking the planet they were on.

She lead them there, but why hadn't she attacked yet like the other times? Unless she was targeting him specifically, like how those people hurt him on the ship, and aware of him trying to hide his corruption from the others. Maybe she wanted to keep it that way. That was the only explanation he could think of.

Sitting and waiting to be attacked or cornered was pointless. Whatever it was, he had Gioven's attention. The only thing that could be done was confrontation.

 _'Can I take over, please. I'm hoping it'll help me remember what I obtained more clearly.'_ It spoke desperately, outright begging. 

Lance sighed, and let himself go limp against the door.

"Don't do anything stupid."

His body was taken. Lance's arm rose, his wrist being shaken as the voice tried getting used to the control. He felt violated, rejected from his own body despite saying he could possess him.

"Can I do things?" It spoke each syllable with care. On Earth, it'd be considered a British accent, Lance noticed.

'Things?'

"Washing your face," it said as it pinched his skin, hard, then blinked in confusion.

'Don't do that! That causes pain. You can inspect things, but don't hurt me.'

It quit pinching and lightly patted the spot it grabbed, like it would set the skin back in place.

'And no, not right now. You can't even walk properly yet.'

That got it to stand up, rising up with the strength one of his legs while the other dragged before the position was corrected. One step was taken forward, an overly far and robot-like one, and then another. His head and shoulders jerked unevenly with each movement.

The last thing he wanted was the voice having the ability to impersonate him, yet Lance was tempted to help him walk. He reasoned that it was because he didn't want to be sore in the morning, because it was being so erratic with the way it moved his body. But he knew it was more than that. The sorriness he felt before, knowing that the entity was in just as bad of a position as he was, was tied in to another emotion. Attachment. Getting attached was inevitable, especially since it was becoming more humanized. Lance felt like he was raising it in some way.

'Stop. And listen closely. You need to make shorter steps, and focus on keeping my back straight.' Lance made sure to be careful how he worded it, in case it took the advice the wrong way and broke one of his bones.

It listened without a reply, focusing intently on the task. Now, the steps were too stuttered. Lance would have furrowed his brows if he had any control over them, trying to figure out how exactly to tell someone how to _walk_ , as bizzare it was.

'Give me my legs, and watch,' Lance decided instead. They'd never given each other partial control before, but the voice had managed to take it with his hands, so he figured hed be able to do it in reverse.

His prediction was correct. It was a feeling impossible to describe, but it was as if he could feel the nerves in his legs again. Lance walked forwards for a few seconds, took a few steps back, then let them be taken again.

He felt strange. Lance wasn't sure how he was meant to react, when the entity easily was able to replicate the way he had walked, even when he had walked backwards. The small space didnt give him much room to continue, but he had replayed what Lance had done _perfectly_.

Was he supposed to be scared? Worried? _Glad_ he had accomplished being able to move his legs properly?

Lance felt _adrenaline_. Maybe it was the mix of emotions, most prominently fear that caused it. But there was giddiness he couldnt help, amazed that it was happening in the first place. Laughter bubbled up from his throat, and the entity must have been feeling the same excitement, because control over his vocal chords came easily with the laughter.

" _What_ _a_ _re_ _we_?"

The laughter stopped. Lance wasn't sure which one of them said it, and it made him wonder even more; what the exactly was he? Just how much was the voice influencing him? The excitement was gone, the fear growing.

The others were likely wondering where he went. Lance had been gone for too long.

Abruptly, he was given back his body, Lance collapsing to the floor in consequence. He cringed at the pain that shot through his knee and elbow, the victims of the fall.

"What the fuck?" Lance said, very annoyed.

Lance forced himself up, flexing his muscles to double check that he had all his limbs back.

 _'He's coming. We don't know what'll happen if he catches you alone in here. Hide!'_ He'd never heard the voice so frantic, and that made the wave a panic hit him harder. Lance's eyes widened, annoyance gone and the pain being numbed by his instict to survive. His eyes darted around the storage room, looking for a place where he wouldn't be seen.

Footsteps tapped down the hallway, getting closer every second.

"Why does it matter if he can see me if he can _feel_  you?!" He whisper-yelled.

_'I'm trying to block him out! Now, hide!'_

Lance cursed under his breath, with a "Do you even know how to do that in the first place?", and went further in to the storage room. Being hyperaware of his surroundings, he noticed the light jingle of the bell on his wrist that he had absent mindedly drowned out. Lance quickly took it off, shoving the item between a clutter of items on a shelf where it would be hidden from sight, successfully eliminating the noise. 

Lance wanted confrontation, but not that early. He wasn't prepared in the slightest. What if he was going to be killed?

By pure luck (and having plot armor), he spotted a large cabinet in a corner to the back that reached the ceiling in height. It was entirely empty, and he rushed to open it and place himself inside, squishing himself in to the back of it as much as he could before shutting it. Lance was encased in darkness, and it relieved him in the knowledge that he was well hidden.

In the silence, the coming footsteps, his heartbeat, and the oddly comforting buzz of the voice were deafening. His body was freezing, Lance struggling to keep his ice down as it begged to release from every pore of his skin and protect him.

Lance didnt want to die. Despite everything, he wanted to live. As he hid, he also prepared himself to fight for his life, determination mixing with the intense fear that took him over. He didnt push the ice back down inside of himself, instead focusing it in to his hands until they were so packed with energy that it leaking an icy mist in to the darkness of his hiding place. 

**Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.**

The sound from outside came to a stop. He heard the door slide open between the wood. He slowed his breaths as much as he could, puffs of icy air coming out with it, so it was completely soundless, controlling his breathing even in the state of his panic.

The sound of the steps came closer. The thumping started to sound more like **tap tap tap** ping, now that it wasnt muffled by the walls. Lance's heart raced, praying he wouldnt check the cabinet and that the entity had blocked his energy like he said. _Please, please, please, please.._

Buzzing turned in to near screeching, the volume increasing as Gioven got closer. Lance's head felt like it was going to split open, and he nearly cried out in pain, covering his mouth and settling for biting his finger instead. The moisture in his mouth was beginning to frost with the action since his ice was focused in his hands, but he had no choice in that moment.  

The steps stopped. "What a shame.." The old man said, but it didn't sound like it was directed towards anyone except himself. "Next time, then."

He heard him walk again. The sound slowly got softer as he left and the door shut closed.

Lance waited for about thirty seconds, which felt like an entire year, until the pain and screeching gradually came to a stop. He was gone. The voice didn't have to tell him for him to know. A shudder rolled over Lance, and he roughly pushed the cabinet door open, stumbling out. His vision was spotty after leaving the dark, and his eyes and face were wet. Lance reached up to wipe off the wetness, confused. 

His hand came back in a smear of black. His vision wasn't spotty from adjusting to the light. There was the subtance from his nightmares, leaking from his tear ducts as if he was crying. He tasted bile in the back of his throat, wanting to throw up.

"We need to get out without being caught," Lance said shakily, trying to maintain his composure. How the hell was he supposed to sneak to his room without coming across anyone? His face and hands were streaked with the very substance that caused the corruption. "And what did you do to me?"

He kept wiping his eyes, using clean spots on his hands _not_ covered in black, trying to get it out of his vision so he could see before he completely started panicking.

A raven fluttered in front of him from the corner of his sight, signifying that it was still there. Lance sighed out in relief. 

_'Take your shirt off and wipe your face from the inside of it. It's a good thing you let me take over before that ordeal happened. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to cover us.'_

Lance did as it said, stripping himself of the oversized shirt and wiping his face down with the inside before his hands. "Explain," he said shortly, not having any energy to say even a full sentence.

_'It was almost instinctual, but I learned something. From who I was. It's still not clear but I think I'd been trained to be able to do that. Among other things, but I can't place them exactly.'_

"This hole just keeps getting deeper and deeper," Lance bit out. He didnt know _what_ to think about that. He didnt have any idea what he was getting in to anymore. Shakily, he turned the shirt back out and put it back on, grabbing his bell from where he put it and retying it on to his wrist.

He pressed his ear against the door, listening for footsteps. When he was sure that he didnt hear anyone, he left the storage room.

 

 

He made it to his room, wanting nothing more than to sleep, where Keith was pacing and looking insanely irritated.

"There you are!" He said as soon as the door opened. "Where  _were_ you Lance?! You're so lucky I didn't.." His voice died down, and he looked slightly less annoyed. "What's wrong with you?" 

The question sounded sharp, but Lance knew he meant it in concern just by the geniune tone behind the annoyance. He'd known Keith long enough to be able to tell. 

"I needed some time alone. I don't want to be _babysat_ while having a breakdown at the same time." His voice was flat, a half truth that came out ruder than he meant.

 _That shut Keith up._ Hurt flashed across his eyes, and Lance felt a pang of regret that squashed the intrusive thought. He could tell that Keith was already blaming himself for it. 

Lance sighed. "I'm sorry. About earlier, too."

"It was my fault too, so don't feel bad about it." Keith said unexpectedly.

Awkward silence sat between them, until Keith decided to speak again. "You scared me, Lance. I thought something happened to you." The word _again_ hung at the end of the sentence, unspoken but known. 

Lance cringed, feeling even more guilt. "I'm sorry," he repeated uselessly. He didn't know what else to say. Lance was actively lying to him. He felt like a horrible person. 

 "Just try giving me a warning next time, okay? I don't want to freak out looking for you and alert the others when you're just trying to calm down." 

"I'll try to. It just.. Happened. I wasn't really thinking straight," Lance said honestly. "Can I sleep?" He asked, knowing that if he did, it would mean Keith would have to stay in the room with him. 

"I need to go over some stuff anyways." 

Lance took that as a yes, practically faceplanting in to the bed. In no time, he was asleep. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS BEEN SO LONG BUT FINALS SUCK AND SCHOOL IS FINALLY GOING TO BE OUT ON FRIDAY SO YAAAAY
> 
> thank you so much to everyone that has stuck with me through these long asf wait between updates. i hope you guys are doing well!! thanks for reading <3


	13. What Are We?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A voice meets a ghost. 
> 
> Lance is blinded. 
> 
> Safety is distant.

 

 

 

"Come."

 

 

Lance's body was pulled up from its sleep. His bell was untangled from his wrist, left on the bed to be forgotten.

 

 

His eyes lingered on Keith, checking to see if he was even slightly disturbed as he attempted to leave. The other boy's chest rose slightly, then fell, completely unknowing of what he was about to do.

 

 

The infection raked through his veins, fighting against the ice that was in a constant battle of purification. If it wasn't for Blue's initial interference, it would have already won. And it hurt, so badly. It had to be stopped, and the voice thought the old man knew some answers.

 

 

Lance would have never agreed after the experience he went through, but they were running out of time. They didn't have enough time to wait to think of a plan, and the voice didn't know  _how_ it knew. It just did. It knew that they'd never know how to properly fight against the old man, or at least not soon enough before they would lose their chance. The buzzing grew louder as it tried to remember why it felt so strongly about the abilities Gioven truly had. The memories were there, just barely at the surface. It was so close to finally getting something more than feelings and what it'd been taught. Even closer to having  _freedom._

 

 

The voice knew what it had to do. It took a step. Then another. One foot after the other, until he was perfectly in sync with the memory of how Lance walked.

 

 

_'...Back straight,'_ Lance's words echoed through its plane of existence.

 

 

Lance's hand slowly opened the door, leaving just enough space for the body to slip through before shutting it as softly as possible. It stood, waiting, and pressed his ear against the door, how Lance did to make sure there was no noise on the other side.

 

 

Complete silence.

 

 

It descended down the hall without a second thought and stretched out its energy. Raking the air with its force, it searched for any sign of Gioven. Pain shuddered through him, the buzzing growing louder and eventually  _feeling_ whatever thing was possessing Gioven. It was distant, but not far enough that he couldn't make the walk. It was incredible how much he suddenly picked back up on after interacting with him and Lance. The potential was always there, the knowledge was practically engraved in it's being, only needing that spark to have it again. It knew that the infection Gioven held was much more than just recognition.

 

 

It was determined to find out why, along with an absolutely irresistible urge to reach him. It felt like it's entire life was at stake, and Lance's was too. The energy pulled him towards the source, eventually becoming blind do it's own thoughts.

 

 

"Closer."

 

 

The entity didn't know that what he was feeling was exhaustion, trying to take no mind to the tiredness after walking for what seemed like a full hour. It passed the lake Keith and Lance went to so often, going deep enough into the forest that it began to lack any path, not even light ones created by animals. But it was close. The buzzing had turned in to a high-pitched ringing, loud enough that it felt like Lance's entire body was shaking. It didn't waste any more thought to it, focused on the task.

 

 

It pushed away a branch, abruptly being greeted by a field filled with flowers. It was a near perfectly circled out meadow, the deep forest surrounding it like a ring.

 

 

Gioven stood in the very center. His head turned to look at him, the three of his eyes blinking one at a time.

 

 

The entity thought it should have felt like it made a mistake, but it didn't. It was rather calm. As if it was seeing something it had hundreds of times before.

 

 

And to his shock, tears filled Gioven's eyes, coming out as a purplish liquid down his face. There wasn't anything but sadness on his features, a bizarre sight for someone previously so terrifying.

 

 

"You don't know who I am, do you?" Gioven said, careful with his tone.

 

 

He closed his eyes, turning his head down to the ground.

 

 

The entity had no reply. What was it meant to say?

 

 

Gioven looked to think for a moment, before looking back up to him. "I forced you to come here, with my own energy. And I am sorry for that."

 

 

It was a trick?  _New_ , but familiar feelings flashed at him. Betrayal, and frustration at itself for being swayed so easily. Was that how Lance felt when it did something against his will?

 

 

Carefully, Gioven walked towards the entity, holding up a hand. "Before you get angry, know it was for the best. You can't know who I am, yet, but you can at least know who you are. Trust me."

 

 

The entity hadn't mastered enough control over Lance's body to be able to avoid the sudden push to his chest. Suddenly, he was falling, as if he'd been pushed off the tallest cliff. There was weightlessness then, right until it was harshly thrown into a long forgotten memory.

 

 

_Thousands of miles beyond the window of a spaceship, a planet spun ever so slowly, but never to rotate a sun. A massive hole of pure energy kept it in its place._

 

 

_Faded pinks, greens, and purples covered the surface. Swirls of white patterned  between the fades of the colours, beautiful from a distance. A thought that became sad with the knowledge that the civilization sitting on it was far from beautiful. Not because of typical things like war and environmental destruction, but because of what was being done to the inhabitants._

 

 

_He clenched his jaw but otherwise kept a calm facade. He didn't look away from the window, his heart clenching in sorrow, knowing of the inevitable. He'd tried so hard to keep them safe while pretending to be the cruel king he was meant to grow in to, but it was futile. A fact that he had accepted far too late._

 

 

_"Lotor."_

 

 

_His father's voice was tightly controlled. Rage sat behind the cold tone he tried to take on._

 

 

_Lotor stayed quiet. He had nothing to say. No matter how hard he tried, he knew it would only make things worse for himself and for the Alteans he had tried so hard to protect._

 

 

_The sorrow transformed itself into a deep rage and terror. If he had just done what he was told, their lives wouldn't be on the line. His_ own _life wouldn't be at risk. Yet he attempted to save them anyway. Why did he use to have so much hope?_

 

 

_"Father, I'm begging you," Lotor turned around, his emotions stomping on the selfish part of him that wanted to avoid the chance of being hurt physically. "Please don't kill them. Give me another chance to prove myself! I promise I'll-"_

 

 

_"Promise you'll what?" Zarkon said, his voice gruff as the anger took over, advancing towards Lotor. "Fail me again, after I put my trust in you. It seems you've forgotten what their kind did to your_ mother _."_

 

 

_Lotor wanted to back away, but he was frozen in place, staring at his father in silence. Tears threatened to break free at the mention of his mother, and his father noticed it with an animal-like growl._

 

 

_"You can hardly be considered my son. You're too weak."_

 

 

_His father turned away with that, sounding disappointed, crushing Lotor on the inside even more. He wanted to do something, but there was nothing he could do. Zarkon was never the caring type, far too corrupted to feel anything but hate and greed. Pleading never worked with his subjects, and even his own son wasn't an exception._

 

 

_Yet he tried. He had to. For his own people, the planet of Alteans. Lotor wouldn't ever be able to forgive himself otherwise._

 

 

_"Please! I'll do anything," he said_   _weakly, walking closer, "Don't hurt them anymore-"_

 

 

_"QUIET!"_

 

 

_His father- No,_ Zarkon's  _voice thundered across the viewing room. Lotor snapped his mouth shut. Tears were spilling down his face at a rapid pace, but Lotor made no sound._

 

 

_Zarkon hurled back around. "If it weren't for your stupidity, they wouldn't have started an uprising. None of them would've had to been killed."_

 

 

_Each word was a stab to his gut. After seeing how they were suffering at the hands of the general that had temporary control, he_ had _to help them. But at that moment, he recognized that his help had done more harm than good. Trying to give them more freedom was a mistake. In the end, it only got them killed._

 

 

_Lotor made no effort to try to get away when his father stormed towards him, a hand being clenched around his throat in seconds. Lotor couldn't keep the tears from falling, and he knew it was feeding into his father's anger._

 

 

_The hold Zarkon had on his neck wasn't meant to swiftly suffocate him to death, but it was enough to be painful and make him unconscious if it lasted long enough. His hands clenched and unclenched towards his neck, trying to keep down the urge to try and pry Zarkon's hands away, knowing the attempt would only put him more at risk._

 

 

_"If you weren't my only heir, you'd be dead right now," Zarkon said through clenched teeth. "Consider yourself lucky that I'm sparing the rest of your pathetic colony and giving you another chance to prove yourself."_

 

 

_Just when Lotor's vision began to fade, Zarkon let go._

 

 

_Relief filled him, and he would have smiled if he wasn't too busy trying to keep himself from falling. He barely managed to not pass out on pure willpower, his subconscious screaming at him to not be weak in front of his father._

 

 

_His father didn't turn away, though, like Lotor was hoping. Meaning, he wasn't finished._

 

 

_"HAGGAR!" Zarkon yelled out in his booming voice, looking towards the doorway, making Lotor wince._

 

 

_The happiness was long gone, rapidly replaced with dread._

 

 

_Haggar came from the dark hallway, entering the room, clearly having been waiting the entire time. His father regained eye contact with Lotor, then spoke in that hardly controlled tone he had._

 

 

_"Do what we discussed."_

 

 

_Haggar's hand raised from the lengths of her robe, and that was the last thing Lotor saw before pain and darkness consumed him._

 

 

Consciousness rudely snapped back into him, and his face was just as wet with tears as it was in the dream. He couldn't stop crying.

 

 

"I'm.. Lotor." 

That was  _him_. He knew what his name was. Even if he didn't have all of his memories, he had his name, and apparently was a prince at one point. A single memory, but it was all he needed.

The tiniest things were flooding back to him. His birthday, what he enjoyed when he had his own body, even a bit of what he looked like. Pointed ears, pale-purple skin, perhaps taller than Lance.

Something else came with the tiny glimpses of his memory. Incredible feelings of anger and sadness with it. Lotor was missing something. Something huge. He stood frozen, thinking of what happened in the memory. It had to do with that, no doubt, especially with what he was witnessing with Lance as his host.

_Lance. Lance. Lance. Lance. Lance._ He was in his head too, somewhere. Did he know Lance before? He was Altean, like Allura and the civilization he had.

Haggar. She was in his memory. Haggar knew Lance. He couldn't be sure with Zarkon. It seemed like Lance had thought of him before, but not deep enough that Lotor could know exactly. But Haggar was a frequent mention from Lance, and had tried to advance the infection not too long ago. She was the one that had harmed him at the end of the memory. 

While he was glad to have gained something, he felt even more empty than before. There was so much more to be uncovered, and Lotor was powerless. All he knew was his real name and the type of life he dealt with. Nothing more.

"Wh-What am I supposed to do with this?" He asked breathily, feeling like he'd run a marathon.

"You can't know the full truth. It'll only put you in danger." He sighed out, studying Lotor's host with care, as if taking in every detail. "One day, I'll save you. Both of you. Please, survive until then." 

_Save_ him? From what?

"Don't let Lance know of this, please. It's for your own safety."

Before Lotor could speak, Gioven's hand reached up, and touched his chest, pulling Lance back to his body to sleep walk the way back.

 

 

 

 

Lance woke up that morning on minimal energy. He was irritated at the fact, having hoped that sleeping for as long as he did would be refreshing, but a migraine poked at his head and his eyes were sore from tiredness.

As he adjusted to being awake, he noticed Keith sitting up beside him on the bed, staring at him intensely.

Confused, he dragged his hand across his face, checking to see if there was anything wrong with him or if he just had an extra amount of drool dried on his cheek. When he couldn't feel anything wrong, he furrowed his brows. "What?"

"You're in  _my_  bed. You walked in here, still somehow asleep, and almost knocked me off trying to take my spot last night," he said firmly. "Since when do you  _sleep_   _walk_. And why did sleep-walk you try your hardest to not get caught?" He held up the bell in his hand at the last part, glaring at Lance.

"I sleep walk?" Lance muttered quietly, sitting up half way with a tilt of his head. He eyed the bell curiously, raking his mind for any memory of last night. After the daze of sleep left, it didnt take long for him to realize what exactly could've caused it.

Keith was waiting for him to say more, but Lance stayed quiet. In seconds, he snatched the bell from Keith's light hold. "Hey!" Keith yelled, his glare harsher than before. Lance ignored it, gliding in to the bathroom and shutting the door as soon as he stepped inside.

"I swear to god if you did anything-" Lance frantically muttered to himself, pushing his hands through his hair in stress.

_'It was the infection. She started it again while you were sleeping. I had no choice.'_

The lie didn't come easily to Lotor, the words feeling odd when he spoke. It was the first thing he was able to think of for an excuse. He regretted the choice, knowing that would make Lance even more unsettled than he already was.

Lance was unaware of the fact that it was a lie, giving that it sounded reasonable.  _Scary_ , but reasonable.

"How long can we fight her off?" He whispered to himself with a sigh. Lance tied the bell around his wrist again.

Keith was waiting outside the door. He didn't have to check to know. Mentally, he prepared himself, thinking of a way to respond to the interrogation Keith would undoubtedly start.

Lance opened the door again. Predictably, Keith stood inches away.

"I don't have anything to say." Lance's eyes widened at himself, not meaning to say the first response that came to mind, and cursed his stupid brain.

"What?" Keith looked at him, looking less suspicious and more confused.

"Look, I don't know why it happened. Maybe it's an Altean thing."

Lance knew he needed to address the fact that he was  _Altean_  more. Yet, there was nothing he could do about it since they weren't on the ship anymore, where an Altean library sat. Allura was another potential source, but she was no help. She made that clear when she,  _and_   _still was_ , hid his own ancestory from him. And for what? He hoped she had a good excuse, because Lance felt that anger he stuffed down start to poke at the surface again.

Absent-mindedly, he gently touched his face where a crescent scale would have been if he hadn't looked completely human.

_Later_ , he told himself. He had enough to worry about.

Keith shook his head. Lance couldn't tell what that meant, and it worried him.

"Just don't take my bed again." Keith said, and Lance was relieved knowing that it meant the topic was dropped. "Get ready. Pidge has the readings now on the chip. She says its urgent."

"Urgent as in involving the Galra?"

"I'm thinking so. We're supposed to be helping them, but we aren't giving anything up until we know for sure that they can be trusted. We've been here too long, though. Hopefully what she found will give us a reason to leave." Keith said as he put on his jacket. Only then did he realize that his hair was slightly damp from a shower.

Strands of hair clung to his neck and face, and Lance had an urge to  _t_ _ouch_  him.

He pursed his lips, feeling a mix of emotions as he stamped down the feeling. "I'm gonna shower before I look like a cave dweller. Really fast."

Hurriedly, he shut himself in to the bathroom, and started the shower as he said he would.

 

 

 

 

They were using the meeting room for what it was made for. It was a perfect, safe (for the desperate standards they had), and secluded room for discussion. Pidge had all of their chips laid out on the table.

Allura looked stressed. Lance anticipated bad news.

"They have signatures of corrupted quintessence," Pidge said flatly.

Sighs and groans erupted throughout all of them, including Lance. He figured it would happen, but it didn't make the news any less daunting. They could never catch a break.

"Are they actual translators?" Keith asked, drumming his fingers on the table.

"Strangely, yeah. They're highly updated, and very well made." Pidge picked one up, inspecting it briefly before flicking it back down to the others, scattering the rest from their orderly placement. Bags were prominent under her eyes from sleepless nights of sneaking back to her lion.

Lance felt appreciation for her in that moment. He was upset, too. She was doing what she could to protect them, despite it wearing down on her health. 

"They're just handing these out?" Lance said, stiff and with his arms crossed.

"Shit. What if other places are getting these?" Hunk spoke worriedly. Lance clenched his teeth.

"It's a possibility. If it has something similar to what put me in a coma," Allura's gaze lowered at that, "then it could be used to take control of people."  Lance swallowed after stating that. For how long were these being produced? They could already be sold to thousands, if not millions of people, giving the size of the universe and how quickly products spread in highly intelligent populations.

"We were informed that they hadn't had much contact outside their solar system, and they don't appear to be advanced enough to have created something like this," Allura started. Lance's heart thud in anticipation, hoping she would lead to the conclusion that the villiage head was a fake. If she did, then he wouldn't have to worry about stopping him on his own.

"Their leadership lied to us, willingly or not." She concluded, and Lance held back a deep sigh in relief. A burden had been lifted off of him in a single sentence. He wouldn't be fighting alone.

Lance had more to think about, though. He knew that Gioven and his voice knew each other, so did the corruption in the chips have the same source? It didn't seem like Gioven's control was  _just_  from a rigged translator, though. Possession was much deeper than that, and he doubted that whoever was responsible could have absolute control over that many people at once. Lance knew that from experience. He was beginning to theorize that they  _did_  have the same source of mind control, but Gioven's was much more direct.

Either way, he was glad to have backup. All that mattered was that Gioven had to be stopped. 

"Wait, if they're being controlled by the Galra, why haven't we been attacked yet? We've been here for a few days. That should've been plenty of time for them to set up an attack," Keith said with indifference. He looked more on alert, now, as if they would be shot at any second.

For some odd reason, Lance thought he would hear Shiro respond with something reasonable that could get them on track. Shiro wasn't there anymore, he knew that. Lance had no idea why he expected such a thing when he'd be gone for so long. Pain clenched at his chest, forgotten grief hitting him.

Lance wondered if that was why Keith was so scared of losing him after Lance was initially infected. Was he scared of losing Lance like he'd lost Shiro?

The sudden thought made him feel guilter than he already was, for the amount of lying Lance was doing when Keith was only trying to protect him. He sucked it back, knowing that he couldn't just eject himself from the meeting because of that revelation.

"Maybe they're not paying attention to this colony? They might see it as too useless," Hunk suggested.

"We have to leave before something happens. We've been here too long already," Keith said, having made up his mind.

"What?! We can't leave them here! If we think the Galra is taking them under control, then we have to do something. That's what we came here for in the first place. To protect them, Keith."

"It's too late. If they're already being controlled, then there's nothing we can do. We don't even know for sure who's doing it, so our efforts won't mean anything if they come back and do it all over again."

"We have to at least  _try_ -" Hunk argued.

"For what? There's nothing we can do. We can't just stay here and defend this  _one_  planet."

"Stop! Both of you. Arguing doesn't help anything. Unless one of you has an actual plan of action, don't speak. This situation is already stressful on it's own." Allura said firmly, interrupting anymore of what they were going to say. That didn't stop Keith from glaring, of course, but neither of them said anything else towards each other.

Allura exhaled sharply, sitting down with a thoughtful expression.

And with the revelation he had, he realized something else. Everyone was silent, throwing Lance glances like they expected, or  _hoped,_ that  _he_  would say something.

The confusion must've shown on his face, because Pidge decided to comment on it. "Look, you're the one that's had the ideas lately," she said with a shrug.

"Well.." Lance muttered, uncomfortable with the sudden expectation. "Keith said that we don't know who's doing it, and he's right. We need to figure out the one who's responsible for it. I'm guessing it'd be a faction leader, or a general."

Someone would have to be creating them in the first place. Someone like  _Haggar_. But that wasn't the focus yet. He had to keep them on track.

"There's nothing telling who it is exactly, but we need to first figure out how far these things have spread, or if they have at all. I'm sure they're being sold somewhere popular, like a universal mall. We can check, and if it's there, then we'll know its spread beyond here. We can try to figure out suppliers from there." Lance chewed on the inside of his cheek, thinking. The ideas came to him as he spoke. "I think we should leave. That doesn't mean we're abandoning them. It'll still be helping, even if we're far away." He added that part to settle Hunk's side of the argument that he was having with Keith. Both of them were right in their own way. They just didnt communicate well.

There weren't any protests, and Lance felt proud of himself. Things had changed in his life quickly, and although most of it was bad, there were some positive turns. He'd never imagined that he could be trusted in leadership, initially only wanting to be listened to. Lance figured he'd proved his worth, and over time they had learned that he wasn't just an idiot that happened to end up as a paladin of Voltron.

"..Is everyone in agreement?" He asked, having to make sure. Lance didn't want to accidentally look like an idiot anyway and assume that no one had anything to say. 

"Yeah, that makes sense.." Pidge muttered. She began collecting the chips in her hand, whispering something under her breath. 

"We can't tell them we're leaving. It'll give them the chance to intercept us." Keith said, pushing himself off the wall he was leaning against and walking towards the table, more in range of the rest of them. "I suggest we split up and go to our lions one by one, at our own set times. We'll get caught a lot easier if we go as a group." 

"What about our helmets? We don't have a way to communicate," Pidge questioned, mentioning a very large obstacle in their plan.

Every option was risky in its own way. Sticking together would increase the chance of them getting caught. Suddenly telling Gioven they had to leave was almost guaranteed to put them in danger. Splitting up would decrease the odds of them getting caught, but if one of them _were_ caught, the rest of the team would have no way of knowing until it was too late.

"We can think of it as a trust exercise. Like the ones we did in the Garrison." Hunk said, probably trying to give them more confidence by using something they were already familiar with.

Lance laughed, a sound that sounded off due to how long it had been since he'd done it, a wave of nostalgia hitting him. "That feels like forever ago. You're right, though. We need to trust each other right now."

"Okay, then tonight we'll go. We need to set times and decide who's going first." Allura said, standing up and straightening out her back to make herself seem more positive than she probably felt. 

Lance sighed, readying himself for a long night.  
  


_'Good luck.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wassup demons, it's me, ya boi
> 
>  
> 
> chapter ealier than usual since ive been so delayed and i love you guys<3
> 
> im adding a chapter summary to this one, might make ones for the older chapters, but im keeping it mysterious for the *effect*
> 
> also, sorry for republishing my chapters 1000 times as i find mistakes literally 5 seconds after publishing them the first time 
> 
> hope you enjoyed!!


	14. Ice Sculptures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A run through the night
> 
> In a forest of ice

Allura was the first to go. They had decided that it would be better for her to leave before the rest of them did, because they needed the castle ready for a quick getaway once they were all on board. She was the only one that could open a wormhole, and she would need time to prepare.

Lance briefly considered if he could possibly be able to open a wormhole, too, one day. The thought was discarded, Lance thinking that it had to take much more than just being an Altean to have the ability to do that. Were there different kinds of Alteans? He could control and generate water, something that Allura (as far as he knew) couldn't do.

 _'Why don't you just_ talk _to her? I dont underst-'_

Lance, hitting his knee against the underside of the table, cleared his throat. He couldnt reply vocally since he was around other people, so that was his easiest alternative. The entity got the message, and quit talking. The raven he'd grown accustomed to stood in front of the space in front of Lance, on the table, it's head cocked to the side with a single beady eye shown to him. It drilled in to Lance's own eyes, and he quickly tore his focus away.

Keith was giving him an odd look. Nervously, Lance scooted away from the table and flashed a smile to Keith to show that he was _fine_.

"We'll give her fifteen minutes to get far, then you two will go." Keith said, placing his attention back on Hunk and Pidge.

"Fifteen minutes?" Hunk repeated questioningly.

"Yeah. That'll give us enough time to stay far apart as groups but hopefully get to each other in time, in case something happens."

Lance nodded in agreement. Keith was good with that type of thinking. Having failsafes for tricky situations took strategy, which Keith was best at, along with his fighting.

Time went by anxiously. The fifteen minutes were up, so Hunk and Pidge left, and soon enough it was Keith and Lance's turn. They'd smoothly gotten their things from their room during their wait, not wanting to leave any of their few belongings behind.

Lance was uneasy for more than just that they were carrying out a last minute escape plan. The biggest problem was who they were running from. Lance was glad that he was going last with Keith. Keith would be great help, and Lance knew he'd be at much more risk of being caught. If anything went wrong, the others would already be in their lions and have much more of an advantage.

Lance inhaled, and gently pushed open the back door to the building.

The night air hit his face, and any hint of tiredness was wiped away. The darkness was abrupt to him. He was expecting some form of daylight when he stepped outside. Stars sprinkled the dark blue sky, the moon new and high. Light wind ruffled his overgrown hair.  In that small moment, Lance could almost believe he was back on Earth. A longing sigh escaped him.

"Convenient, isn't it? The rotation of this planet is different from ours. Once a month, night lasts three days." Keith said quietly. 

A strange sense of peace went over Lance. By the way Keith's shoulders visibly relaxed, something that never happened,  Lance thought that Keith had felt it too. Standing there for a few seconds, collecting themselves and admiring the sky before they were forced to depart, put a spite of motivation in Lance.

"Let's do this." He said, swallowing and setting off at an even pace behind the building.

The two would stick away from the view of windows and laterns that littered the paths. Keith was taking the lead, and Lance was glad for it since he trusted his navigation skills _much_ more than his own. They were fast, yet silent in their footsteps and breaths. In no time they had reached the forest, where Lance didn't have to put any real thought in to his avoidance of twigs, brittle grass, or anything that could make too much noise when it was stepped on.

He let Keith stray a tiny bit further ahead as he tried to focus more on his surroundings. He needed to make sure they weren't being followed, having every reason to be paranoid that they were. Lance tried not to fret too much, having faith that the raven would alert him if Gioven got in range.

Then Lance heard it. A crack from his left. It could've been a wild animal or an old tree falling apart, but instantly Keith and him were in guarded positions. Keith held a knife in his hand, and Lance had almost wished he had packed weapons, until a familiar voice interrupted him.

 _'You_ do _have a weapon. Use it.'_

Several of the aliens emerged from where the crack sounded. Lance counted five, but he wasn't sure if they were the only ones.

They were in light armor, their faces stone-like from the lack of emotion.  Each one of them held a staff.

One stood closer than the others, and she spoke. "Stop your trek and return to our Ka'ie. Or be forced."

"Not inherently a weapon, but.." He mumbled as he drew his ice to his hand.

Dread settled in him, glimpses of his aged night-terror flooding him. The child he'd drowned from the inside on accident. It was only a dream, but he knew..

_Why not make it reality?_

The first invasive thought he had that wasn't the voice speaking, in a _really_ long time, and it terrified him. It was enough to lock him in place, and hesitate.

"LANCE!" Keith screamed out, and Lance snapped from his trance. He hadn't realized that the fight had already started. And he was just standing there. Like an idiot.

Keith had gotten his attention just in time for him to dodge the strike from a.. Tree limb? He glanced at the guards, warriors, whatever, and their staffs glowed through what looked to be cracks covering the wood.

His heart raced. He hadn't ever had to use his ice in this type of situation, and he was admittedly afraid. What if he hurt Keith on accident? What if he put too much power in to a blast and killed one of them? How would he even conjure enough ice to do actual damage? He'd never done it before, and how he'd use his ice to fight never really crossed his mind. Yeah, he was _going_ to when Gioven was looking for him like an animal whose prey ran away, but even then he didn't-

 _'Shut up for once and fight before you get us killed!'_ The voice boomed through his mind, cutting off any train of thought.

Lance shook his head hard. "Don't kill them, Keith! They don't know what they're doing!"

_Just do something._

They were using the nature around them. Lance had to kill their main weapon. Taking a deep breath, he practically threw his ice from under his palm, the element encasing a tree by him, which had been the source of several near-hits. The stone-like features of their enemy faltered briefly, giving Lance some satisfaction. Keith had considerably backed away and nodded towards him.

He summoned ice to his non dominant hand, and touched another tree. He felt the power root itself from the inner channels of the plant and spread in frost, the tree dead, yet frozen in time in less than half a minute. He countinued this each time he touched a tree, and the soliders seemed to have resorted to more physical tatics instead.

Keith had kicked one of them away from him, and though Lance knew Keith could easily take care of himself, they didn't have enough time to fight each of them. He thought back to his practicing in his room, and unevenly formed ice from his distance, the freeze spreading over the legs of the man Keith fought. He tried his best to not create any ice _inside_ the man, but he knew that he wasn't skilled enough for it to be a gauruntee.

Cringing in guilt, he had to look away when he noticed a solider charging at him. He couldn't aim the formation of ice as easily with the fact that that his opponent was running, or form it fast enough to keep him in place with how quick they were. He tackled Lance, and with the force and speed that hit him, he went down. Black spotted his vision when the back of his head hit the ground, which had been hardened from the cold. His ice rose uncontrollably in him in his struggle of conciousness and pain, and _exploded._ Lance had already opened the path for it to escape, and he wasnt able to stop it.

When his vision returned to him fully, it looked like a blizzard had hit them.  The cold air entered his lungs, and the feeling that fluttered through him was absolutely exhilirating. Snow dusted the frosted grass, and every tree in their radius was completely consumed, with icicles potruding in unnatural ways. His breath came out white, and the deep cold that had longed to escape was a comfort, a complete opposite to what he felt the first few times it happened in his room. The snow was a bed to him, and Lance had never felt so free.

His bliss temporarily blinded him from the horror mere inches away from him. The solider that had tackled him had become a sculpture, the terror moments before his freeze trapped on his features. The mouth was slightly agape, his eyes widened in permanent disbelief. His skin looked blue under the polished, beautiful layer of ice. Lance could feel his power rooted deeply inside of the male, the freeze having crystallized and killed every living cell, having stolen the previous warmth of a living soul.

Whether it was shock, or a result from his his ongoing issues, he didn't know. But in that moment of emotion, he could convince himself that he had created a statue, and that was all the man was. And it was beautiful.

The only thing that drove him back to reality was the audible heaved breathing from one of the soliders. The stony features were gone. They were people, not just enemies. Fright was obvious in their eyes. That fright was directed at Lance. As if he were a monster.

"Lance. Lance," Keith tried getting his attention. "Please, we have to go before more of them come." Keith pleaded. He looked like he wanted to forcefully pull him out from under the body. Lance wish he would. He hardly had the mental strength to touch it anymore than he already was.

Everything felt distant to him, and he considered if he was having another night terror- that he'd actually been knocked out and hadn't really woken up yet- as every small movement he made felt unnatural. Like it wasn't him controlling his body. But he knew he had to be, because it felt nothing like it did when he got possessed.

Lance couldn't even recall standing up. The other soliders had dropped their staffs in surrender, hands open and facing towards them to show they didn't want to fight.

It was one thing to kill someone hellbent on murdering you, like an enemy fleet of Galra, something Lance already felt guilt for. It was an entirely different matter when you killed someone that didn't _have_ to be killed, and in such a personal way. From how it sounded, they only wanted to arrest them. He could sense the way his ice had killed the solider, a feeling lightyears different in comparison to shooting from a distance. The way the others had looked at him worsened the intense wave of self-hatred and fear. He was exactly what they saw him as. A monster.

Keith and him just.. Kept walking. The silence was bizzarre to Lance. It was like nothing had ever happened. Keith shot him very worried glances, but Lance didn't say a word. He didn't have the energy to, mentally or physically.  They eventually got far enough that he couldn't feel the buzz of his cold, and Keith had stopped his shaking that Lance was hardly able to notice. No one came after them for the rest of the hike through the forest. _Good._

They were asked questions when they finally arrived, but Lance's mind deflected them without him realizing it. Their voices were background noise to him, the sight of the frozen solider replaying in his brain.

He had felt happy during it, _why? Why? What the fuck was wrong with him?_

Keith apparently thought it was necessary to walk with him to his lion. "Are you.." He began to ask. The look Lance gave him made him drop the question, going back to his own lion not too long after.

Once he was inside, Lance rapidly sat in Blue's chair, needing her comfort more than ever. The familiarity and connection began to ground him, and she gave him feelings of forgiveness that he didnt deserve. He held on to her energy like a lifeline and wanted to stay in the safe-zone that was his lion for the rest of his life.

The trip to the castle felt far too short and almost immediately after they had all been confirmed back on the ship, they warped.

He didn't stop to stare at the view location, or to talk with the others. He went straight to his room. Lance was moving on autopilot, only wanting to be left alone.

Before Lance stepped inside, Keith stopped him, gently grabbing his arm.

If Lance's breath hadn't caught in his throat, he would have screamed. He tore his arm away, his breathing labored as he stumbled back. "You'll get hurt. I told you what could happen. You saw what happened back there, Keith. Don't. Touch. Me." He said choppily, talking sounding incredibly odd to him, as if he never knew how to in the first place.

"It's not your fault, Lance. You were defending yourself. They could've killed you. They could've killed _both_ of us."

"No one had to die. Y-you don't get it. You don't know how it feels to kill someone that horribly. I sensed him die, and I was- happy!" He choked out, his chest tightening in anxiety as the words left him.

"You can control it, I know you can. I've seen it. You were attacked and in shock. You cant hold yourself accountable for what you did or thought when it happened."

Keith was trying to calm him down with logic, and while that would usually work, it was ineffective with how much he was purely _hurting._

He was crying, not quite full on sobbing, and he didn't care that Keith was next to him. It was more than just tears, it was deeply embedded pain. Lance gave in to his grief and months of pent-up frustration and struggle. Keith coaxed him inside his room and shut the door, and he didn't bother to see his reaction as he was too busy wiping his face from tears. He didn't even know it was possible for him to cry after everything that happened, and how much he'd gotten desensitized, but his murder broke a thicky built dam inside of him. Even then, the room dropped several temperatures, and Lance felt truly cursed.

"Were you afraid, too? The way that they were?" He asked quietly, staring at Keith directly in to his eyes so he would have a better chance of knowing if he was lying.

"Why would I be? I knew that you wouldn't hurt me. Whatever you're thinking about yourself, it isn't true. If that hadn't happened, that could've gone a lot worse than it did."

Lance sighed and looked away. Keith.. Had helped, in some way. But the crawling guilt didn't go away.

"I covered for you when we got back." Keith stated, slightly steering the subject. "You should talk to Allura. She's the closest person that can help you."

Lance rubbed his eyes. Now Keith was telling him that, too? "No way. She hid it from me in the first place. I can't trust her."

"Why would she hide it from you? It doesn't make any sense." Keith said, sitting on Lance's bed. Lance plopped down beside him, exhausted. He hadn't realized how tired he was until he saw Keith sit on his bed.

"Makes perfect sense to me. She doesn't want to deal with me. Not too long ago, you hated me too. The only reason why you don't anymore is because-"

"Wait- I never _hated_ you. We annoyed each other. And I was being a dick." Keith paused, visibly hesistating about what he was going to say next. "The fact that you forgave me, after I nearly got you killed, proves that you're not a bad person. Don't beat yourself up over this."

Silence went over them, neither awkward or comfortable. He'd let what Keith said sink in, Lance having calmed considerably in comparison to when he first got to the castle.

"I'm gonna sleep. I think I overused my ice back there." Lance spoke after a minute or two, attempting to sound light-hearted.

Keith nodded. "I'll come back later. If you wake up before I show up, I'll be in the training room."

He left the room, and Lance let himself drop fully on to the bed, repositioning himself so he was fully on it. He could still feel the warmth from where Keith was, a stark contrast to his cold body temperature. He pushed his bangs from his eyes, knowing he had to cut his hair before he started looking as bad as he felt. He said he was going to sleep. But could he?

His ice felt as corrupted to him as it did when he was first trying to manage it. He was a freak of nature. Was it him or his ice that killed the solider? He didn't want to use it. Not anymore.

_'If you don't want something like that to happen again, you have to control it better. This wont go away.'_

"And why do _you_ care? It's not you that has to deal with it." Lance said negatively. He was dealing with enough, and he didn't want one of his ninety-nine problems trying to help.

_'We're stuck in this body together. So yes, I do have to deal with it to some level.'_

Lance groaned. "Okay. I don't need to talk to Allura for help. I'm going to the library. Tonight."

_'Risky.'_

"If it keeps me from doing something like _that_ again, I don't care."

Now that he knew what he had to do, helping the intense guilt and hopelessness, he was able to fall asleep.

When Lance woke up, he'd known it he'd been sleeping for awhile with how heavy his limbs felt as he tried to move them. He wanted to go to sleep, but was afraid he'd wasted too much of the day. After a minute or two of arguing with himself over whether or not he should go back to sleep, he finally opened his eyes and checked the time.

He had to do a double take to make sure he'd read properly. Energy snapped through him with the notice, the time showing that it was nearly four in the morning. He'd slept through the entire day.

_'Add this to your notes. Don't overuse your ability, or you'll pass out for twenty-six hours.'_

"Yeah, state the obvious.' Lance sat up, disoriented at how long he'd been out for. Him passing out from overuse had to of been why he didnt have a night terror. His brain must've been too exhausted to give him one. "Do you know if Keith came in?"

_'He did. Four times. He got Coran to check on you when you weren't waking up.'_

"Ugh. Another thing to worry about." Lance grumbled, rubbing his sticky eyes. He couldn't be mad at Keith, though. Even if it was unfortunate that he'd have to handle being analyzed again, Keith was only trying to help him out of worry. There was no way for him to know what was wrong with him.

He stood up from his bed, knowing that he had to rush to carry out his plan before he was too late. Going to his desk, he opened his drawer where his notebook sat, and flipped through it until he found his rough drawing of the castle's floor plan. He nearly tore out the page, but decided against it, taking his entire notebook instead. Lance grabbed his one of few writing utensils, too, knowing that he'd feel better with his learned information written down.

Lance slipped on his shoes and opened his door. Looking out, he checked both ends of the hallway, listening as carefully as he could when he did. Only the slight hum of the castle made any noise, and he deemed it safe enough to continue. He didn't let his guard down in the slighest. Getting caught was the last thing he wanted. If anyone caught him disturbing the untouched parts of the castle, there was no telling how Allura and Coran would react. Lance's constant worry pushed the worst possible outcomes in his head, and he knew how much their home meant to them.

Lance wished he had a portal version of the map that Blue showed him. It likely existed, but he didn't have it. So his sketch was his best chance. His memory was slightly fuzzy with the amount of time it took for him to actually carry out his mini quest, so it made it even more difficult for him to follow his drawing. For a second, he tried connecting to Blue, hoping for any advice.

She gave none.

He found the elevator he'd been heading towards, and pondered if it was a good idea to use it. They were virtually silent, but he was afraid the use of it could some how draw attention. The entire plan was risky enough as it was. He had no way of predicting if someone was up and about for whatever reason. Lance could only rely on his senses to tell him.

 _Now or never,_ he told himself. He pressed the button for the elevator and held his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooooO 
> 
> hope you enjoyed!! 
> 
> next chapter will hopefully be soon!


	15. Pick Me Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's not meant to be known  
> comes with a price

**KEITH**

Keith was never emotional outright. He wasn't really close to anyone except for Shiro, and after his disappearance, he had no one.

Until Lance.

The reason for it was wrong, really. Well over a month had passed (he quit trying to keep accurate track of time) since he had arrogantly almost been the reason for Lance's death. He'd wanted to stay and keep searching, blinded by his desperation to find the tiniest amount of information on Shiro's whereabouts. He never mentioned his personal search to his teammates, and he wasnt planning on telling anyone of his previous idea of leaving, and trying to find him on his own.

What made him stay was the clear damage that had happened since the day Lance was infected. There was a time where he thought Lance was getting better, but the bags under his eyes and obvious avoidance told otherwise. Staying around Lance so often felt less like a job and more like a necessity. Something in him clicked after seeing the tubes in Lance, looking like a corpse in the medical room. Each time he had stepped inside to see him, he half expected to see a white sheet over his body.

A day after the incident, he wasn't allowed to see him anymore. Only when Lance told him of his heritage did he understand why. Keith finally felt less alone amongst the team. It wasn't just him, now, trying to figure out how he wasn't human, feeling like his life had been a lie.

Along with feeling obliged to protect Lance, he'd connected to him over time, too. That was even more reason why Keith didn't leave like he'd originally wanted to. He'd lost Shiro, but Lance had helped his loneliness. He was the reason why he'd stayed.

It was only possible because of the mistake Keith had made. That's what he'd meant by the reason being wrong. Since then, everything with Lance that Keith had done with him felt fundamentally _bad_. He still didn't understand how Lance could forgive him. He'd tried shutting off his feelings more, hating the pain of what he did, on top of losing Shiro. Keith felt himself getting closer to Lance, and in his guilt, he pushed him away.

That idea failed. He was used to pushing people away and hiding his emotions, so he didn't understand why it was so difficult with Lance. Keith found himself getting sucked in, and in his early moments of vulnerability and desperation for attachment, he'd let himself get close.

He'd checked on him four times since he'd left him, and the fourth time he'd almost panicked. It was late and Lance was still passed out. He'd never seen him asleep for that long, and he was starting to panic, afraid that he'd gone in to another coma. Keith shook him slightly, tapping his cheeks and saying his name for some type of response.

When he didn't get one, he ran as fast as he could to where Coran stayed the most, in the controls room.

Trying to look and sound completrly calm, he spoke. "Lance isn't waking up."

Hunk, who was also with them, looked bewildered. Allura asked him to stay, and then they headed off.

Allura hurried in to Lance's room first, studying him worriedly. Coran told Keith to stay outside, then closed the door. Keith sighed, slightly annoyed at being shut out, worry twisting his stomach in to nauseous knots.

They hadn't asked him any questions, before they had went in to his room. He was glad, since he didn't want to have to stress about what he was meant to say that wouldn't betray Lance while also keeping him safe. He was too nerved out about Lance going in to another coma, keeping him from thinking straight in the first place. Allura stepped out, the crescents on her cheeks were glowing softly. Knowing that Lance was Altean, he calmed considerably. He trusted that she had done something to help.

Allura pursed her lips, pushing a long lock of white hair behind her shoulder. "I'm glad you came to us when you did. In the morning, he needs to go to the medical room we've used before. He'll be fine until then."

Keith nodded, still staring at the door to his room as if Lance would come out at any moment. He trusted what she said, but he still wanted to go in and check. The way she spoke told him to stay out, though. He didn't want to challenge that and cause more issues.

Coran stood awkwardly by her. Keith hadn't really spoken to him since he'd gotten back. The older man seemed more invested in his work than usual since Lance's infection. Keith was tempted to ask him about what exactly he'd been doing, but now wasn't the right time.

Allura glanced over to him, and they seemingly spoke without words, because Coran dipped his head in his usual honorary way before leaving.

"Can we speak for a moment? We have a long, overdue talk," she said, catching Keith's attention.

"About?"

"Did anything happen to Lance before you two got to the castle?"

That was the question he was worried he'd be asked. He crossed his arms, making sure he maintained a relaxed appearance. He was battling with himself, debating if he should tell Allura because of the seriousness of the event. Something was very wrong with Lance. His current self was a ghost of who he used to be.

_Who's fault is that?_

Then, Keith thought back to when Lance first told him about his ice and his heritage. Lance trusted _Keith_ enough to share that with him. It had also told him something else- Lance needed to have that talk with Allura on his own. Telling Allura what happened would be betraying Lance and the sacred trust between them.

That didn't mean he wouldn't talk Lance in to finally talking to Allura. He understood why he hadn't in the first place, but it still needed to be done.

Keith realized he'd been too quiet for too long anyway, and now Allura was likely under the pretense that something _did_ happen. Plus, it wasn't like she didn't already know that something occured. No one blacks out for an entire day for no reason, and he was certain that her Altean magic told her more than she let on.

Keith chose his words carefully. "I think that's something you two need to talk about on your own. I'm staying out of it," Keith said flat out. Uncrossing his arms, he turned away, not waiting for a response before he departed. He only stayed to make sure Lance was okay, or at least as okay as it got for him. He'd try to come back again later on, when Allura was occupied with something else.

Allura remained silent. Keith didn't linger long enough to see a reaction on her face, and he didn't want to. That was his own way of dropping out of a situation before he got too involved, and she didn't try stopping him.

 

 

"Hey Keith, aren't we supposed to be getting ready to leave? Where have you been?" Pidge stopped Keith in his tracks, running up to him the moment she'd seen him. Keith sighed, not having wanted to conversate with anyone, but stopped anyway. Her hair was less tame than usual and her eyes looked heavy. Tiredness was clear on her face.

"The trip is being postponed. Lance needs to get checked out." Keith's tone was calm, even if he wasn't on the inside. The way he'd said it didn't seem to alarm Pidge, so she nodded, accepting the response. "Any updates on the translators?" He asked, changing the subject and wanting the information anyway.

Her eyes brightened, and she smiled. "Yeah. I dismantled one completely. I'd already burned out anything in it that could be used for tracking, but I wanted to see if there was anything I missed. Me and Hunk are gonna try to copy the technology and improve it, so all of us can use it ourselves."

"That sounds difficult."

"I won't deny that. It's incredible technology." She appeared to have thought she said something wrong, because she was quick to try correcting herself. "I mean- the people that made it are bad. It's.."

"I know what you mean. You should get some sleep since we're holding off from the trip right now. We need everyone on full capability." He added the last part to give some logic to it.

He _did_ care, but showing it properly was an obstacle he doubted he'd ever overcome. It just wasn't in his nature.

"Okay.." She responded flatly. Neither happy or upset. He could see her actual thought in her face. ' _Keith is really bad at conversations.'_

Shiro would know what to say.

Yet, Shiro wasn't there. Keith, grievance pulling at his heart, was beginning to think he never would be.

**LANCE**

Much later in to the night, Lance was already awake, and had finally gotten to the place he'd been planning to reach for a long time.

The library's appearance didn't come as too much of a surprise to him, having already seen a holographic outline a bit ago. It was slightly different, and Lance wondered if the one he received was slightly outdated. _Yeah, ten thousand years outdated._

That didn't make it any less beautiful, though. The size was magnificent, the floor patterned in white squared by a soft blue glow, the room octagon shaped and walls lined with bookcases that reached the ceiling. The books looked more like the tablets they had in the open sections of the castle, lined against each other and separated slightly by faintly pink squares. By each book case, there were circled tables with backless chairs. Without the glow of the floor and the lining of the bookcases, it would've been completely dark. There was an odd ambience to the room from the dim lighting, and as he observed more, he noticed that there were a few tablets on tables and flooring, from people running in a hurry. It was like he'd stepped back in time, knowing that the cause was from a sudden deadly invasion.

Stepping in the library suddenly felt like a mistake, like he was disrespecting the lost memory of the people that were last in there.

He needed information, and this was the best way of getting it.

_'_ _Ho_ _w are you planning on reading, exactly? You don't know_ _Altean.'_

His demon-like entity made a good point. Lance sighed, running his hand through his hair. "I didn't really think that far ahead.." He mumbled, wincing after admitting that out loud.  "I used to know Altean, right? Before I ended up on Earth."

_'We still don't have an explanation for that, and you don't know how to connect more to that side of you.'_

"I can figure it out, maybe? It can't be that different to control in comparison to my ice." Lance crushed down the fleeting reminder of him killing the solider at the mention of his power. As bad as it sounded, he was growing numb to the incident, like how he'd gotten numb to the other soldiers he'd killed during his time as a paladin. 

_'You've never attempted this before. It's not going to be that easy.'_

The raven was right. It was far fetched.

"Not unless you.." Lance trailed off, snapping his mouth shut from speaking his inward thoughts anymore. He was considering something major. It required faith in the entity that he didn't quiet have. Did he have any other options?

"Can you feel Haggar?" He breathed out, his exhale showing in an icy fog. His anxiety and eagerness was affecting him.

_'No. She's backed off for now.'_

Lance swallowed. He'd done this before. This time wasn't too different, right? Except he was about to ask for something that was not only invasive, but very risky. Lance thought back to the infection having plenty of opportunities to kill him or his friends. The thing- _no, person,_ had only helped him since it gained rationality.

"I want you to possess me. Dig up memories from before I was on Earth." Lance forced himself to say, stumbling over his words in his own uncertainty, eyes flickering to the raven that stood calmly next to him. Quickly, he'd walked to the nearest table and sat on a chair, not planning on hitting the floor. I _need to know._

Silence overcame them. For a moment, Lance thought they'd say they couldn't. At last, they spoke.

_'...Alright. I don't know what could happen, so if anything goes wrong, I'll pull away.'_

Lance didn't have a chance to reply, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, forehead hitting the tabletop in the sudden plunge in to his mind.

The pain was bizzare. Lance felt it in places in his brain he'd never felt before, and hundreds of things were flashing in his vision, clear snapshots of his life. He'd thought that the entity had invaded his mind before, the confession from weeks back making Lance confident that they could, but this was an entirely different story.

He saw his nieces and nephews. His parents. Veronica. His petty middle school bully. His friend on his old swingset. His room when he was in his preteen years. The first time he met Hunk. Lance eventually quit trying to keep track. The events were completely out of order, creating a confusing mess.

After some time, they were going back to places that were suppressed by an unknown source. It got more blurry as time went on, and Lance began to ache, knowing that the entity was getting closer to what it was searching for.

Although Lance wasn't doing it, he could feel that they were trying to tear down barriers by _force_. There was probably some magical way to do it _without_ breaking apart a section of his mind, but they didn't have that. The only thing Lance had was something-  _someone_ that had been sitting and slowly learning in his mind for who knows how many weeks. That didn't change how badly it hurt, and how wrong it felt. Lance's body was possessed, but he could still feel a wet sensation come from his nostrils, much like how he could feel the sensation of a pickaxe on his skull. Thankfully, the possession had enough hold during the process that his ice wasn't attempting to escape, only humming under his skin.

Much like his feelings when he stepped in to the library, it seemed like he was making a huge mistake. But it was too late.

Lance was snapped in to a memory, no, _several_ , before he could even process it happening, and Lance absently found that he was getting tired of being thrown in to different realms without much of a warning.

To say it was disorienting was an understatement. Altean tongue flickered in and out of his hearing and glimpses of his past went over his vision like broken film, not being able to focus in on them enough to clearly make them out. There was one thing he _could_ make out, though. Every few seconds of speech, he could understand a word as clear as day. Despite the intense pain and it not being much, Lance was estatic.

He was ripped out of it all of the sudden, and his eyes snapped open, realizing after a few blinks that he was awake. He saw darkness, and for a moment panicked, snapping his head up and having his vision return to him. A metallic tang invaded his nose and mouth. Looking down, he realized why he'd seen black.

A puddle of blood sat where his head had laid, and Lance dizzingly touched his face softly, getting blackish red back on his fingers. Rapidly, bile crawled up to the back of his throat, and he began coughing uncontrollably while simultaneously trying to keep himself from vomiting. It resulted in a noise crossed between heaving and hacking up his lungs, the jolting of the action making his stabbing headache worse. Unwillingly, clumps of black hit the hand he'd been coughing in to.

Thankfully, the feeling of nausea and the need for a cough went away after that. He cringed. That was.. a lot of blood. And he'd coughed up some of the.. infection?

"Are.. You.." Lance huffed out, his voice scratchy. He hadn't been expecting the result to be that bad. He was meant to see Coran soon, too. Dammit.

He couldn't help but feel like he'd still succeeded, despite the outcome. It was worth it. Kind of.

_'I was knocked away. I didn't try to fight to continue, but I forced out what I could involving speech.'_

Lance couldn't respond. He was trying to correct his breathing, on the verge of passing out yet again. The blood on his face was starting to dry, and he was tempted to lie his head back on the table.

_'If I had known this would happen, I wouldn't have done it. I'm sorry.'_

If anything was going to keep him awake, it was the shock he felt at the entity apologizing. That was new. And it also meant that they were gaining more when it came to emotions. His brain wasn't even close to healed enough to think too far in to it.

Laughter abruptly sputtered passed his bloodied lips, and even with his headache worsening at his giggling, he couldn't stop. Lance didn't know if it was from the blood loss or how ridiculous it was to him that it had actually apologized. Maybe both.

"How are we gonna.. Clean this up.. I'm so screwed." He said quietly after his laughter died down, all emotion on his face dropping from exhaustion.

'Jacket. Use the inside. We need to leave.'

"No. No. I didn't do this for nothing." Lance stood up sharply, but nearly fell in the action. He had to keep himself upright with his hands. "I'll clean this up, grab a couple of the tablets, and we'll leave. No one will notice them missing."

'You need to lie down before you-'

"Just let me do this!" Lance snapped, the torment he experienced assisting the quick outburst. He knew he wasn't in great condition to go searching. Lance wasn't even sure how he'd make it back to his room without blacking out. But if he left without anything except for what he technically already had, then he'd feel like he failed. He'd been waiting too long to finally get answers, and he might not have another window of opportunity for a long time. His blood loss didn't help with thinking too rationally, either.

"I'll be quick. One foot after the other." He whispered to himself.

It only took a minute or two to find three basic tablets. All he could barely understand the title, only able to read certain characters of the language and filling in the rest with common sense and very vague knowledge. Being barely alert wasn't helping. Actually reading them would be a huge hassle.

More blood leaked from his nose. He wiped it away with his palm, and eyed it. "I need to go back."

Lance hadn't cleaned the blood off his face or the table. Black streaked his hand and parts of his bandaging. He paid close attention to his damaged wrist, making sure that it didn't start leaking the cursed fluid.

Two steps in to his walk away from the library, and his legs crumpled beneath him. His mind wandered elsewhere, and during the brief moments he still had conciousness, Lance hadn't noticed that he was blacking out.

 

 

Lotor took over as fast as Lance had left. "Idiot. Idiot. Idiot." He insulted himself and Lance. The prince was more sure than ever that being in one mind together was causing them to rub off on each other.

He missed not being able to feel emotion, since it was starting to hinder his judgement and make him feel a sensation akin to what Lance's brain called _worry,_ in a much more intense way than his emotions were before. Sentience was too rapid for him to really get used to the way he was changing. Being in Lance's mind, while familiar and practically home, was beginning to get cramped as he gained feelings of his own.

He stood back up, only a little more graceful than last time, and went back in to the library to clean up the blood. He wasn't going to risk it being seen, and wearing Lance's body like suit meant he wasn't affected by the lack of blood the way Lance was. That didn't mean he wasn't affected by what happened at all. Lotor was surprised that he even had the strength to take over his body. Any attempt to probe at Lance's conciousness was impossible, so he had reason to believe that possession came much more easily than picking apart Lance's mind.

Lance wasn't dead, at least, and dread went over his own mind when he thought of the possibility of that happening. That time, the dread wasn't only because he'd likely die with him. It was more than that.

Lotor shook the train of thought away, and cleaned off the blood from the table the best he could. The jacket wasn't very absorbent, so it wasn't at all easy, and the outside of the thing looked wet. He swallowed, knowing there was still blood on his skin, but he'd have to solve that with a shower.

Somehow, even though he couldn't use Lance's brain to tell him how to get back, he was able to figure out the route to his room based on what he could remember himself.

He considered himself lucky that he didn't get caught, not having the same skill of stealth that Lance had, and began to do what he could to make himself look normal. Lotor showered how he remembered Lance did, got new clothes while stuffing the bloody ones flatly under the mattress until Lance was able to do something with them, hid the tablets in his drawer, and then he waited.

He sat on Lance's bed, running the pads of his fingers over the sheet, enjoying the soft texture.

A few hours went by. Lotor's small bit of hope was nearly completely diminished. He was used to not doing anything for long periods of time, since he didn't sleep, but he didn't know what he was meant to do without Lance when the Altean was supposed to be doing all of the _living stuff_. "Come.. back. Come back." He murmured to himself, praying that Lance would regain conciousness before they had to go to the medical room.

Time ticked by. Lance still didn't stir.

It was two hours until the time when Keith usually got him before they'd left the ship. A sensation was beginning to make Lotor feel sick. Panic. He was starting to panic.

He couldn't just leave Lance's body or try getting him back himself. He didn't have the strength, nor did he want to risk trying to force Lance back in to conciousness. But if he just let go, Keith would find him still knocked out and they would run more tests. He could be found out, and both of them would be put in danger. They were already at risk as it was. The last thing they needed was more danger.

That left Lotor with one choice. He'd have to mimic Lance until he came back.

Lotor was thankful that he'd studied his actions so carefully before. He needed to act as accurately as him as he could. The people he was surrounded by weren't normal, either. The chances of them noticing a slip up was much more likely.

"Prac..tice." He whispered under his breath, standing up. He walked around the room, rehearsing what he'd done before. He had his movement down, but Lance's personality..

Lotor walked in to the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror while gripping the sink. For their sake, he had to do the best he could.

"You're.. La..nce. Lance."

Black oozed from his nostril, and he wiped it away. The tone to his voice was still off. Without being able to use Lance for reference, replicating him would be incredibly difficult.

"I'm so screwed" He spoke more smoothly that time, tracing over the words that Lance had said earlier. They fit the situation, and the words were less choppy. He sounded more like him. 

Turning on the sink to wash the black from the sink, he tried again. 

"I'm Lance."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was a lot easier for me to write. writers block didn't kick my ass this time and i didn't feel like i was forcing myself to update. 
> 
> school starts in about 2 weeks for me (SENIOR YEAR jeez im getting old) and that's gonna suck. but whatev, education is good
> 
> hope you enjoyed!!


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